To allow ex to let friends gf look after my kids?

[Juicycupcakes]

I'm new here so be nice :).

My ex has just let me know that when he has the kids he goes to play football and takes our kids along with him (nothing the matter with that). My problem is, that when he plays football he leaves our kids with "his friends gf" who I dont know and the kids don't know.

This year has been very tough on them with myself and their dad going through a divorce, and my ex introducing his ex gf into their life very early on for them to split up not long after. All I want for them is stability in their lives what with everything that's happened but my ex doesn't see it that way. Aibu???

Dnt flame me

It's a 90 minute game. And it's not gambling,smoking etc, he's participating in a sport.

How old are they?

So the children are with him, at the football pitch, watching and being watched over by his friend's girlfriend?

How old are they?

Because unless they're very little, then I really wouldn't see that as a problem. They're watching their dad play football, and he has left someone he knows and trusts (I assume!) keeping an eye on them.

And they'll get to know her, won't they?

He trusts his friends gf to look after them so I think YAB Slightly U unless you know he's a bad judge of charracter

• Character not charracter

They have just turned 3. My ex has only lived in this town for 2 months. He doesnt really know the gf but he only knows this friend from football and he only goes once a week

It's his time with the children. You cant 'allow' him to do anything, it's his call. They aren't in danger, his judgement on this is part of him being a dad

YABU,

He's their parent, when he has them it's really none of your business what his arrangements are, it was when you were together, it's not now.

How would you respond if he dictated who you allowed near them,

You just have to trust that their other parent cares about them, and let it go.

If he's left the children with the girlfriend once, they must know her now, she didn't kill them, so probably not a nutter, it's his judgement call, he must have some good judgement he chose you once upon a time.

Sorry to be harsh, but the quicker you get your head round that, the easier it will be for you and the children.

Whilst I can understand it must feel odd for your kids to be in the care of somebody you don't know, when they are in their dads care that is his decision to make.

It's exactly the same as you leaving them with one of your friends, whom their dad doesn't know. Just as that would be none of his business, its none of yours who he chooses to trust during his time with them.

when my kids go to their dad's, I expect him to look after them not get other people to do it.

as you don't have a problem with him playing football when he has them, I think you need to accept the fact that he is going to need someone to look after them.

Thought about offering him another day?

None of your business. End of.

can you have people mind them who he doesn't know?Of course you can!Yabu and you know it. Sorry, I know its not what you wanted to hear though.

I am sure I would feel the same as you but unfortunately I don't think you can really say anything when its his time with them. As long as they are safe then its not really an issue but yes like someone mentioned could you not switch days when he plays football?

I am sorry you are going through a horrible situation though!

Dear God I thought you were going to say she was looking after them for a whole day/night.

Does your ex know everyone your kids come into contact with?

YABU, it's a 90 minute game and he obviously trusts her with his kids.

So, he is playing football, and the kids are watching, under the supervision of a responsible adult? Cant see a problem with that at all.

Not your choice who minds them when they're with their dad. I know from experience this can be difficult to get used to but if you want to maintain an amicable environment then get used to it you must.

More than not a problem, I think it's a good thing - they'll see their father having fun doing exercise, increasing their chance of exercising. They'll know that lots of people can look after them. And if they really need their dad - well he's less than 100m away.

So you have to trust him I'm afraid.

My DP playes rugby. I sometimes go and 'watch'. The atmosphere is great and there will be 20 people watching them beside his friends GF.

You cannot choose who he leaves them with while with him. I know because I tried to stop my ExH from introducing my DD to his troll GF through legal means. I was told that unless I could prove he was an unfit father, he could let her see whoever he wanted to.

It is very, very, difficult to know that your babies are being looked after by somebody that you don't know. And only those with hearts of stone could fail to acknowledge that. But if he's a good dad, who puts his kids first in all things, then you have to learn to trust him on things like this. It's not easy, and they are very little, but if he's not likely to take any risks with their well being, it's the sort of thing you have to adapt to - even though it hurts.

YABU they are his kids too, he has every right to make a choice about what he does when he has them so long as they aren't in any danger. Do you consult him over every choice you make for them?

YABU to think that 3 yr olds should spend 90 mins in the rain watching football, have they got that long an attention span?! Not what I'd call quality time with Dad. But YANBU to be concerned whether they are being properly supervised during this diverting event. I'm sure the GF is a perfectly nice person but is she competent with kids and will they respect her authority? Can't really see super-dad interrupting his game to take DC1 to the toilet cos DC2 doesn't want leave the excitement.