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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How to resolve this? Used baby items

50 replies

Tiptoeing · 05/08/2012 12:09

A friend of a friend when I had dd told me all about reuseable nappies, said she'd bring her son's old ones for me. She passed them to a mutual friend to pass to me insisting I'd like them if I tried them. I didn't really want them tbh, though it was a kind offer, as I live in a very small flat with no tumble drier or space to dry nappies outside. Tried them once or twice (winter) and they took 2/3 days to dry so washed and packed them up. Also some may find this off but I was the 4th user of them, I worried a bit they were too heavily used. I know some with disagree, maybe it was why they took so long to dry and they weren't great at absorbing?

I tried to be friendly, thanked her and after a while offered them back but she said to keep them for my next (she won't have more babies). Offered them back a few times, at one point keeping them in my boot for ages. They were bulky to have around a small flat. Now I probably shouldn't but a friend visited and admired them and partly out of relief at getting them out the way I said she could borrow them for a few months. She lost them during a house move I believe, now can't get them back. She ignores contact from me now, which is a shame because until this we saw each other2/3times a week. A asked a few times politely and justnever saw her again.

The person who orginally lent them fell out with our mutual frined, and me too by the link it seems.Angry with all. She's persuing me for the nappies back, and wants me to give her now £200 because she says it's what they cost her (looks about right looking on line). I don't want to pay out that much for something I didn't ask for, also nor do I want to replace old with new. I've given away a cot, buggy and other items as have others and we've shared them around friends. She says she wants the moneyto buy new ones to keep lending to friends.

OP posts:
Tiptoeing · 05/08/2012 12:32

:-) Nonno

OP posts:
kotinka · 05/08/2012 12:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NagooingForGold · 05/08/2012 12:38

Usually I'd say avoid FB debacles, but TBH in these circumstances, I don't think that Kotinka's idea is a bad one. You have very few options in terms of how to deal with this, if you can't talk to her direct.

Tiptoeing · 05/08/2012 12:42

It's a nice idea but I have few people on facebook (10 or 20 max), my job role is one where I prefer to be private about home life. It wouldn't get to the people she finds through my work/ church etc. as I useit purely for social cotacts, which we don't share.

OP posts:
Tiptoeing · 05/08/2012 12:44

I'd feel less embarrassed if she told my friends, it's people like the office staff or church members asking me which is why it's difficult. I have quite a different persona at work. It isn't though highly paid sadly to have £200 spare.

OP posts:
Tiptoeing · 05/08/2012 12:45

thank you though for advice, it has cleared my head a bit.

OP posts:
kotinka · 05/08/2012 12:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pigletmania · 05/08/2012 12:54

noway should you pay any money, you asked her several times to take them back, which she did not, so they were yours to do with what you wish. If she was that hung up on them, she should have would have taken them back. Keep lending to friends Grin what an idiot, if she lends then she should expect not to get items back especially when she does not make things clear. You were the 4th user of them so if you want to you could offer her what they would cost 4th hand mabey in the region of 10-20 pounds, but why should you. now she should think twice about lending things and not being explicit about conditions of the loan

arthurfowlersallotment · 05/08/2012 12:57

Tell her to go fuck herself

Tiptoeing · 05/08/2012 12:58

I'll admit there was no mention of loan, or for how long, nor an implication she'd never want them back. I would have happily passed them back, but now I can't. It's over 2 years from the orginal time now and after a while tbh I became less mindful of them, with it being so long.

OP posts:
pigletmania · 05/08/2012 13:08

she is an idiot, please dont waste time worrying about it. What is she going to do sue you Hmm. hopefully your professional collegues will realise what an case she is. she should have said on giving you the nappies, that this is a loan, once you finish with them please let me know and i will come and collect them. and when you offered several times to take them, she should have taken that as you dont want them anymore and she should have come and collect them

pigletmania · 05/08/2012 13:09

she is just doing this to be difficult and spiteful

TopCuppa · 05/08/2012 13:12

She sounds a nightmare, and beyond pathetic.

With regards to church members/people from your office I would just say that she insisted she didn't want them back and so you passed them on to a friend in need. She is utterly in the wrong, so I wouldn't be concerned about that.

I would try and get hold of her email if possible and say that you have heard she is trying to get in contact, and state that as she insisted she didn't want them back you passed them on to a friend who could make use of them. And leave it at that.

CecilyP · 05/08/2012 13:27

Ignore this insensitive woman. It should have been obvious that you couldn't really use them with no drying facilities, and it was perfectly reasonable for you to pass them on to someone who could use them without your feeling guilty about it. Whether your second friend used them for a couple of years or lost them is immaterial, you would still not have been able to give them back. In fact, if you had used them everyday for a couple of years - which I assume was your first friend's intention - they would have bee to worn out to be of much further use.

She sounds really crazy if she wants them back, not because she is expecting, but because she wants to lend them to other people, possibly other people who really don't want them either. You owe her nothing - the value of 4th hand nappies is precisely that - nothing. If she broadcasts it to the world, you have nothing to be embarrassed about - you could have been more assertive in telling her you had no use for them and insisting she take them back, but you just sound too nice, if anything - she is the one who is behaving like a nutter.

CecilyP · 05/08/2012 13:30

To put it in perspective, I leant my pram/pushchair to someone whose childminder broke it through sheer carelessness, renderning it unusable. I did not demand that they pay for it. Sadly, they did not offer either.

pigletmania · 05/08/2012 13:35

thats right cecily, totally correct she owes that idot nothing. that is what 4th hand nappies are worth.

LexieSinclair · 05/08/2012 13:48

What an awful woman. Do you have HR or similar at work that you could speak to? She is spreading lies about you maliciously and I would say this borders on bullying. Maybe you could point this out to her and say that you will take it further if she doesn't stop? Maybe a bit OTT but it sounds as though strong action is needed!

Trickle · 05/08/2012 13:54

I have contact via other people with someone like this - she used to be married to someone in DH's family and is mother to some adult children who are relatives. She causes situations she can play the victim in whenever she is feeling in need of some drama.

Sounds like this woman is toxic and it's her problem, just have as little to do with it as possible and when people bring it up roll your eyes and say 'her? not all that nonesense again' and change the subject, if you arn't bothered other people with no contact with her will start to think of her as the crazy witch you paint her to be :)

bumperella · 05/08/2012 16:39

She's a maniac. I imagine you're not the only one to've falled foul of her crazy ways......

I use washable nappies and think they're great, BUT am not daft enough to think they suit everyone, nor to think that they should last forever.

I do think it's odd that you fell out with your friend who lost them - these things happen, it was just one of those things.

TandB · 05/08/2012 16:49

If you had them for 2 years and they were 4th hand then they will have almost no resale value. I use cloth nappies and have bought and sold them second-hand. I struggled to sell some 2 year-old Bum Geniuses that I had bought new. I had to give away some basic two-part nappies as no-one wanted them. There are always new, better versions coming out so old nappies tend not to go for much.

She sounds bonkers to think that she should get the cost price back, or anything back at all after all this time. Some people are quite obsessive about cloth nappies and it sounds like she might be wanting to try to persuade more people to use them by lending hers now that she has "failed" with you.

If she keeps contacting people at your work etc then you need to send her a brief, factual email setting out exactly what has happened, confirming that you will not be giving her any money for the reasons in your OP and warning her that if she continues to harass you then you will take advice from the police.

EllenParsons · 05/08/2012 17:04

She sounds completely unhinged! YANBU at all OP.

pigletmania · 05/08/2012 17:20

I would do as kungfun panda suggests

Bobyan · 05/08/2012 18:30

Why not just buy her some old nappies give them to her and them tell her to fuck off?

Kytti · 05/08/2012 18:37

YANBU She didn't want them back before, she should have taken them then. You should have given them to a charity shop or something though, bit of a dreadful waste.

ValiumQueen · 05/08/2012 18:46

Daft Bint! Her, not you obviously Grin

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