AIBU to take this slightly personally?

[theotherboleyngirl]

I would like to be told IABU as then I can let it go

But honestly, interested to know how others would feel/have felt in this situ:

I have 1 DS and 2 DD's. One of my closest friends has two DD's. Her partner would really like another, she doesn't - I think that's the crux of the matter. But her argument is that she can't take the risk of it being a boy. She "couldn't be a mum to boys". Boys are "weird" to her. She's used to girl things, "what do you do with a boy?".

I accept these are her feelings but I'm finding it hard not to blurt out "everytime you say these things you make me feel like my DS is inferior in your eyes". She often will look at me during these 'anti-boy' rants and say "of course not your DS, he's gorgeous, nothing like the average boy". And she is certainly very affectionate and loving towards him. She also has 2 nephews who they can only tolerate for a few days because of the boys' rambunctiousness, and "boy-ness". But it's hard to believe she can be so loving and accepting of my DS for who he is (part of which is being a boy!) when she generally demonstrates how much she dislikes boys.

AIBU?

It sounds like a defence mechanism to me. Her issue is with herself, not with you or your DS.

In a way I am almost guilty of something similar. To my friends/colleagues I probably seem like someone who loves having a child-free lifestyle, and doesn't particularly like babies. In reality we have been TTC for 12 months but I have to protect myself from their questions etc somehow!

I understand why you're offended OP. A very close male friend said when having his second DC that he would be gutted to have a boy. He prefers women's company, has one DD already and just wouldn't want to parent a boy.

I said: "Well, I don't really see boys and girls as that different. Won't they be different people, whatever the gender?"

He said that he just wanted a girl, "no offence", because he preferred girls to boys. He said he thought he wasn't good at "boy things" and would dread a son who was.

I said that given my DS was the love of my life and I couldn't love a human being more, I did find it a bit mean to write off an entire gender in that way. I felt that he thought having a boy wasn't as good as him having girls and he just said "oh well it's fine for you, it just wouldn't be my choice to have boys".

He got a DD, so I guess he is happy about it!

Werthers - I can see how I have given that impression, and maybe you are right. But I love this friend to pieces. Really do. She's a wonderful person in the main, very loving and encouraging, but yes she is a strong character and I have been surprised on a few occasions when she has 'dropped' someone. It's made me feel a little scared it could happen to me! I have told her that and we've talked about it and she says she doesn't see me like she saw those people at all. One she ditched because their daughters fell out and she didn't like how the other mum handled it. Although I can see the other mum was in the wrong, I don't think she commited a crime worthy of being dropped. And she knows I think this. I'm a lot more willing to give people the benefit of the doubt than she is - slower to build relationships and trust, but also slower to break relationships/trust. I guess she's also a lot more confident in how she handles things - a very black and white person, whereas I am more shades of grey. But again I'm not painting a very nice picture of someone I actually really care about and have a lot of respect for... now wondering about my inner bitch!

I think you are all right - it's partially defense mechanism on her behalf (whether about not having another, or maybe having wanted boys) and partially me taking it too personally (I wonder if that's because generally my girls are easy, cute, always commented on and my DS is quirky, harder to love in many ways but flipping rewarding for doing so so I feel defensive on his behalf?!). I think if/when the topic gets mentioned again I will just say something like "me and my insecurities here, but I feel like you're being anti-boys and it's difficult to separate my DS from that" and see what she says...

Don't ever take ridiculous remarks like this personally. It's her problem. Not yours.

Her remarks are insensitive but her decisikn to drop friends is ok with her. Stop judging.

Im a bit like this but i dont know why. I have a dd & a nephew who i love & adore & when i am looking after him i treat him the same as my dd & we play & do things together but i just cant see myself having a son.

My sis doesnt get offended just coz she has a son & i dont want one. My sis wanted a boy when she was pg with her ds. I didnt feel offended coz i had a dd.

She sounds incredibly vapid and really rather unintelligent.

Oh er, I could be your friend. I have 2dds and often say that I won't have another because I can't face having a boy- although this is because I had a boy and lost him late in pregnancy and know that if I had a boy I would compare that poor child to the son I lost and it would be unfair. I don't explain that though. I just say that I do t want a boy.

Well, if you are indredibly thick and shallow and truly believe that a boy's penis will fall off if he so much as glances at something pink or that a girl will become a Bull Dyke if she touches a toy truck by mistake, then yes, it must be hard to imagine what to do with a child of the opposite sex from yours. But if you have a modicum of sense and maturity, you just DO stuff! Feed them, play with them, give them attention, set boundaries, etc. Ideas that ALL boys want to run around going mental bashing cars about and ALL girls sit nicely in sparkly frocks playing tea parties are such bullshit that it's hard to respect anyone who thinks along those lines. All children are individuals and it's not hard to find out what they like, even if you have to ask their parent, if they're pre-verbal. My Ds loves rough-housing, balls and vehicles, but is also fixated with toy pushchairs and anything loveheart-shaped and gravitates towards glittery pink tat too. No adult has 100% male or female characteristics, so why should kids?!

As an aside, I wonder if this is a case of 'methinks she doth protest too much', ie perhaps she secretly wants/wanted a boy and she bangs on like this to try to convince herself that she doesn't? She's not that great a friend to be so rude, though.

I think maybe you could just reply to her "we are really happy to have both male and female children"