To not want to catch my miscarried embryo in a...

[ChangedNickname]

...urine sample pot at home, keep it in the fridge overnight if necessary, then take it on the train (2 hours) to London for genetic testing?

I can't believe I just wrote that. That is in all seriousness what St Mary's have suggested I do if I have medical management (ie choose pills rather than surgery) for this miscarriage.

This is my 5th miscarriage (1 son, thank god) and I'm fairly bulletproof now, but they explained this as though they were giving me directions to Sainsbury's. And I have called back and two other people have spoken similarly.

If I have surgery they'll test the embryo after removing it. I want the tests but don't think I want surgery (having taken the surgery option 3 times in the past and ended up with a lot of scarring on my uterus, which er makes me more likely to miscarry).

So the scenario above is the 'alternative to surgery'.

My ideal (f*ck me, I have an ideal miscarriage scenario) would be medical management at the hospital, ie take the pills in hospital, miscarry there and they take the embryo for testing, but they don't offer that.

I should point out that St Mary's is amazing, and without them I wouldn't have my son, but this has really thrown me.

Anyway, I'd be interested to know if you think I'm being over sensitive and too demanding of an NHS that has already helped me beyond measure, or if this is a bit macabre and weird.

So sorry OP how awful

So sorry for you.
Im gobsmacked! I was allowed to go home then return when my symtoms started and stay in hospital. Its a good job as i ended up needing surgery. Im amazed theyd expect you to go through this at home nevermind the trauma of carching and teansporting your embryo after :(

No, that's awful! Either they've forgotten you are actually human or they have extraordinary faith in your sang froid. I had a spontaneous one (technical stillbirth, hospital said all broken up & gone) and ended up flushing it down the loo after a very small, intensely private ritual involving tissue paper and a sketch ... in a toilet cubicle. The hospital assumed I'd saved the foetus and told me to bring it in - apparently they just expect you to look on it as an interesting tissue sample, despite the fact that your body's going through a hundred different ructions at once

So, right, this is a dismally unglamorous suggestion, but couldn't you post it? Or could they put it on a courier? Or something? Anything to save you having to make the journey three times during your miscarriage. You want to be at home with a bar of Galaxy, surely?

Oh dear, quote, how awful for you :(

I guess I was lucky to be in a pub toilet ... it beats a trolley in a waiting room.

Is there any other way of saving the embryo, and perhaps dropping it off at a more local hospital or even a GP surgery for transfer to the hospital? I know it's not the same but my GP will send blood and urine samples up to hospital to be tested, they don't do it there - so there must be some kind of internal transfer service.

Or, could you pay for a private room at the hospital?

So sorry for your loss. :(

Or a B&B in Paddington. Still going to be expensive, but possibly no more than the return train fare. And you can have a cooked breakfast.

So it isn't massively unusual, as SmellsLike & GhostShip have done it too. Sorry to hear that, I hope you got the outcome you wanted - from the testing, and more generally.

Maybe I can rationalise it, and just get on with it.

I'll look at the idea of a private room/ local B&B. The trains back and forth would be costing us an arm and a leg anyway.

Jeez, a waiting room trolley?

I didn't pass the embryo until day six of medical management, Fwiw (first dose day one, second dose day three, overnight stay into day four). A three- or four-night stay in hospital would have driven me insane and cost the hospital a fortune unnecessarily.

Catching your own embryo is horrible and traumatic. I was walking across a car park with DS1 and had to scramble for a public loo.

But yes I think looking on this as a means to an end, particularly if you can enlist help, is the way to go.

Sending sneaky hugs for your horrid time.

Personally I don't think anyone should have to deal with a medically managed miscarriage at home. I did it and it was awful. Very painful both physically and emotionally. And i didn't have to save anything. I can't even begin to imagine how hard that is going to be. I don't think YABU at all to ask them to let you stay in hospital for this although I don't suppose they will change their minds. Its a tough decision for you and I hope that whatever route you choose you will be able to get some answers. Good luck.

YANBU at all - what a disgusting idea.

But I second garlicnuts' practical suggestion of sending it by courier. Probably cheaper than the train too.

Really sorry for your loss OP. firstly you're right, St Mary's are the best for treating you, and I'm sure you already know that.

I had medical management for one of my mc's and was asked to stay in hospital for the day and pass "products of conception" (hate that phrase) in a pot in the hospital.

Is there anyway you could ask a local hospital to keep you in for the day so you don't have to deal with it yourself? I think it's a bit scary and emotional when everything comes out, and I was too scared to look back incase I saw anything.

I would really contact your nearest hospital or ask st Mary's if you could stay there until you pass everything. You need to pester them a bit.

Sorry to hear of your situation. Not sure i can add anything that hasn't already been said however i'll try and help. How many weeks are you? I cant really see an alternative way of working the situation other than the possibility of a hotel as suggested already. From a hospital perspective you would be blocking a add potentiall for several days so they would not be able to offer this to you. would it not be better to have your home comforts around you? When i had my (natural ) miscarriage it started at home but i went to a and e as so much blood loss and praying they would somehow tell me it was ok. Baby (10 weeks) was passed there, well removed by a dr examining me actually. They put it in a pot and asked if i wanted it. Initially i said no then changed my mind. We left with my baby in a pot in my bag. Very surreal. Once home though i did find it comforting and actually took a couple of photos too which i found helpful in my grief. Not sure this is what would help you but it did help me. Worth considering? I hope you dont think this is just about me i'm just hoping my experience may help in a tiny way. Good luck with everything. I hope you get some answers from the testing too. x

I had a mmca few years ago and had medical management - the hospital wanted me to stay in till it was over so they could check everything had passed.

This just sounds awfil and inhumane that your expected to do this.

I personally would prefer this option to staying in hospital, also having a young child at home like yourself. As others have said it can take several days, and I would not want to be parted from my child that long. I would prefer this to happen at home with my partner and home comforts, rather than the clinical environment.

I am guessing you want the testing to help you carry to term in the future? You would have the choice of not returning the foetus for testing, but I would ask someone else to return it for you.

I do not think the hospital is being unreasonable, as they have offered surgery as an alternative. They need to explain things clearly, like directions, because they are giving you directions on how to manage this at home.

You have been through this before, and say you are fairly bomb proof in relation to this. You are however a mother losing another precious child. I therefore think YANBU, but neither is the hospital.

I think one thing this thread shows is how unaware the majority are about what goes on with regards to how miscarriages are handled,

I have three alive children and two of our sons have died, my last two children are pregnancies 13/14, (we did have a few very early miscarriages which would take that up)

my success rate is not abnormal for a third world country,

I tened to have late miscarriages and still borns,

I was very impressed when opening this thread that the OP was getting testing, but she is in London, I know from the support that I get involved with that testing or investigation into the cause of repeated miscarriage are very hard to obtain for most,

It's incredible hard when going through the pregnancy failure mill, to find that you are not going to be offered any investigation, It really is a postcard lottery,

I was very very lucky, had I not had a successful pregnancy resulting in a child who survived at quite an early age, (he was an emergency birth under 5min), when all subsequent pregnancies went wrong in one way or another(miscarriage, still born, trisomy 13(Patau syndrome)and premature babies, followed by death, massive hospital cock up), when told repeatedly that it was not possible for me to have children, I would of believed them,

but I was arrogant and quite selfish, so continued as I don't respond well to the word no, eventually after a decade of back to back pregnancies we got there,

All through the process, it was incredible hard to get any investigation as to the causes of the problems, spending a huge amount of time in various early pregnancy units, I know that in no way was I unusual, it is very common to not get any investigation,

I hope the OP is getting support so she can take the opportunity to access some investigation, we have a lot of work to do yet as to improving or even starting in some areas any miscarriage research, it is not yet a priority.

I know I'd be potentially blocking a bed, but a friend is a gynaecologist in lincolnshire and told me that their ladies must stay in hospital until they 'pass the products', like Liskey and Raindays did. It's just a regional policy thing.

And keeping me in hospital for medical management would surely be cheaper than surgery anyway.

But I'm coming round to the idea of the pills/train/home/fridge/train business. The whole thing is pretty brutal anyway, so that part hopefully won't seem too horrific in context. As a couple of posters have pointed out, I'm lucky to be offered testing at all.

Quote, I'm so sorry for your experiences, what you have been through sounds unbearable.

Thinking of you. Not so sure surgery would be a cheaper option tbh as you could be in for a few days and time is a big cost factor, plus there may be a local emergency who could not be admitted due to the bed being occupied. It is not just regional policies, it will be individual hospital policy, and also down to consultant. I do hope you get a sticky bean in the future when you are ready, and that this current trial is not too traumatic and testing gives some answers.

ChangedNickname, is St Mary's your nearest hospital? Is there not any way you could phone up your GP and explain how you feel, and maybe they could organise the whole thing in a local hospital? You have every right to have your feelings to be heard.

Yanbu (3 miscarriages prior to my DD and I'd have done this had I had the option).

I had a miscarriage while in the toilet in the antenatal clinic. A 10 week old foetus. It was awful. I held it in some toilet tissue and took it to someone who took it away. I just handed it over silently because I was in shock and then went home. I think whoever I handed it to must have flushed it away because when I saw the gyny for excess bleeding a day or so later, she didn't know I'd already miscarried. It was all such a shock. I can see the
baby foetus now.

Just wanted to say thanks for all the responses. I miscarried at home yesterday morning, caught the embryo fairly easily and DH took it to London for testing.

It was very sad but we did it and hope we get some answers.

I hope you get some answers too.

Well done for doing it. Must have been desperately awful for you.

I'm so sorry that you both had to go through that OP.

I was going to suggest that perhaps if you could stand it you could go to your local hospital rather than to London and ask them to transfer to London rather than you taking your embryo yourselves.

I sometimes wonder if they realise what they are asking of people. When we were told at a routine scan our baby had died one of the hardest things for us to contemplate was the fact that they expected us to just go home afterwards and wait for two days before going back so I could be induced.

I had already realised that I would have to give birth but thought I would be induced right away and DH was expecting them to do a c-section there and then, so to be told we had to leave and come back two days later to labour and birth was shocking for both of us.

They were all very kind and sympathetic to us, but the enormity of what they had told us, coupled with what they expected us to do next, didn't seem to be something they really understood. I can remember us just leaving the hospital, unaccompanied and stunned, and wandering through the car park not really knowing what we were supposed to do next or where we ought to go. I just wanted to go back in and beg them to induce the baby immediately but at the same time, I was terrified of actually starting the process. We both kept saying "but how do they expect us to wait so long?" Two days seemed like a horrifically long time but I was also terrified I would go into labour at home before the two days were up and have the baby without help.

So I hope you don't mind me saying that I know how much courage it must have taken both you and your DH to do this at home and then travel to London. I'm so sorry that you have had to go through this. There really are no words...

my heart goes out to you, and you should not have to deal with this traumatic situation in this way. Hugs to you x