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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset that football is more important?

20 replies

starrynightskies · 03/08/2012 22:41

My boyfriend and I have been together for just over a year, and the other night, while tipsy, I stupidly asked him what was more important to him- me or football (he is a football fanatic, both playing and watching). I meant it in a joky way but he froze and said he wasn't going to answer, before later admitting that football was the most important thing in his life and he didn't see that ever changing.

I love him and can't imagine any sport/activity meaning more to me than him, though I haven't ever played a sport for as long or to the level he has played football for. I know I was stupid to ask the question but I wasn't really expecting a serious answer from him. I really don't know if IABU to be upset by this or whether I am being silly to expect to mean more to him than football when he has played it all his life and only been in a serious relationship with me for a year.

AIBU?

OP posts:

BuntCadger · 03/08/2012 22:42

Seriously?! Is this for real

ssd · 03/08/2012 22:43

of course not

but wait till you have sons and are outnumbered you'll know its true then

HolyOlympicNamechangeBatman · 03/08/2012 22:44

leave the bastard?

WorraLiberty · 03/08/2012 22:45

Is his love of football a bone of contention between you both?

If so, perhaps he thought you were having a dig/moan about it and just wanted to make it clear he wasn't going to give it up.

If not then perhaps he's a wanktwat?

HecateHarshPants · 03/08/2012 22:46

Well, if you're serious, why not ask him a series of questions.

I am ill, the football is on. Do you watch it or take care of me?
I am in hospital, you have a match on. Do you cancel the match to visit me?
I am having an operation and when I come home, I will need care, will you forget about the footie until my stitches heal, or will you leave me alone and bedridden while you go and play?
I am in labour. Will you be there, even if it clashes with a cup final?
Our child is rushed to hospital, do you abandon your match or not?
It's parents evening. Do you attend or go to your training session?

etc

He'll either think about it and realise that while football is fun, family is important.
Or he'll run screaming for the hills

Original poster

starrynightskies · 03/08/2012 22:48

Yes it's real :(

It's not exactly a bone of contention- I like going to watch him play at the weekend and like watching England and the odd Premiership match myself, and I have never stopped him watching a match while we're together. It can sometimes get a bit much for me though, like at the end of the Premiership season when it was match after match after match on the TV.

OP posts:

shiftinglard · 03/08/2012 22:49

YABU why can't he do both? Have a relationship with you and also continue his hobby? Anybody who gives others those sort of ultimatums really needs to look at their own insecurities first.

Original poster

starrynightskies · 03/08/2012 22:53

Hecate I do genuinely think that in those ultimatums he would always choose the family one, and maybe something like that would make him realise that family is more important.

shiftinglard He can do both- I would never want to stop him playing/watching football. I know it was a stupid question to ask

OP posts:

winkle2 · 03/08/2012 22:53

My ex said that if I was in labour and man city were in the FA Cup final, he'd go to the final.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 03/08/2012 22:54

It doesn't matter which is most important, it just matters that he loves you enough to put you first when you need it. The rest of the time there's no reason why he cant have both.

Unless you feel you really need to be more important all the time, then you just need to work out which will come first when it matters.

If you foresee a life where you are going to be left on your own with your dc in most of the spare time he has, then you might need to start thinking about what you want out of life.

wankpants · 03/08/2012 23:01

YANBU to be hurt, but it has only been a year. If you stay together his priorities will more than likely shift.

flyoverthehill · 03/08/2012 23:35

starry.....boys pick a football team (to support) and stick with it till death.....and they can commit ...to football...........and .....some men can commit to footie and dp, and some men can only commit to footie and beer. Dont overstress, and dont make him choose...yet... and you dont have to support the same team, or watch every match. I prefer to stay in bed on sunday morning, if everything else is fine this will be too.

Xales · 03/08/2012 23:54

Don't bank on him picking the family ultimatum.

I remember some neighbours having a stand up screaming match because he was off to the football again leaving her at home with all the children including a baby.

If he says football is more important believe him.

If you plan a family with him I suggest you do so in the full knowledge that he could be a man who buggers off x times after work a week then Saturday or Sunday or even both while you look after the DC.

He may not however don't bank on it without a proper conversation.

quoteunquote · 04/08/2012 00:06

stop shagging men that watch football, or give up half the year to having to be somewhere near a telly,

If no one shagged men that watched football, there would be no televised football.

TheQueenOfDiamonds · 04/08/2012 00:09

I don't think you're being unreasonable to be hurt.
My horses are more important to me than OH in thesense that if he made me choose, horsey wins! As long as he accepts me AND my horse, They can live happily and both recieve my love and affection. Unlike the arsehole who DID make me choose.. and horsey DID win and now he spends his days trying to cause trouble at my yard.. where his current girlfriend keeps her horse too..

JumpingThroughHoops · 04/08/2012 08:12

I am in labour. Will you be there, even if it clashes with a cup final?

LMAO - we had the radio in the labour suite with the European Cup Final on!

CheeryCherry · 04/08/2012 09:04

Don't try change him though....we all love football....my FB lived and breathed,played and watched football ..it was who he was. Then his wife (now ex) slowly chipped away when they had kids...stopping him training,then playing, then watching, til he was miserable.... He now had split, has a new wife who enjoys football, he's a happier man. Be careful what you wish for, it may not work out.

Longdistance · 04/08/2012 09:15

I'm a rugby widow. You just have to get on with it, and humour them with gritted teeth

Bananaketchup · 04/08/2012 09:19

If he is serious, I'd echo what others have said and don't assume he will change. You could be describing my dad - different sport but same attitude. It's not nice growing up trying to understand why you come second behind a (to my admittedly biassed mind) pointless and boring sport.

My dad once stood my mum up in a restaurant on their wedding anniverary cos his team was short of players, When she objected, his explanation was that 'it's better to let one person down than a whole team'!

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 04/08/2012 09:21

A few years ago my team got to the FA Cup Final, a whole load of us had tickets. On the morning of the game, one of the friends wife went into labour the friend stayed with her and was prepared to miss the game, but as soon as the baby was born she insisted he go to the game, it was quite a day for him!

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