AIBU to want to phone MIL and tell her in no uncertain terms to grow a fucking backbone!!!!

[CrapBag]

I know I know, its a MIL one but she is doing my nut in. (I am not actually going to phone her btw but I would love to).

Last year SFIL walked out on MIL. I think things had been coming to a head for a while, although it was out of the blue for us. He has a long term, horrible illness and she just didn't seem bothered and wanted to carry on her perfect little life without the inconvenience of SFILs illness. I don't really blame him for leaving.

MIL is very upset. At first I was sympathetic, as was DH. Now it has been a year and we are both getting fed up.

Basically, SFIL keeps messing her around. He tells her he wants a divorce, the house sold etc but now and again he gets in touch with her, goes and visits and they go out for the day then he blows her off again so we get the phone calls and texts about how upset she is etc. At first we sympathised but this has been a YEAR and it is still going around in the same circles. Everytime he goes around there, she welcomes him, then he messes her around again. We have told her that he is going to keep doing it if she lets him but she just doesn't listen and carries on doing it then we have to put up with the fall out. SIL doesn't even want to hear it from MIL anymore.

Apparently SFIL tried to commit suicide recently. I know he has had a really tough time coming to terms with his illness but I have no idea what is going on with him. He tells MIL to leave him alone, then her ends up going back to see her. He told her before that "the loves was gone" which is something that MIL keeps asking what this means (sounds obvious to me but you honestly can't tell her).

The latest is MIL went to see SFIL at his flat and his DD was there. Words were had and MIL ended up pulling SFIL's DDs hair ffs. This woman is nearly 60. The police were called and MIL got a warning then she was showing the bloody police the texts from SFIL saying he wanted to meet up etc. As far as I can gather, he has spent the odd night with her too.

I am getting fed up and with this lastest thing involving the police, it is just getting more and more ridiculous. She never liked SFILs children anyway and this was always an issue between them as he wanted to spend a bit more time with them but she wasn't happy about it.

DH is getting fed up, SIL got fed up a long time ago. MIL does not listen and plays the "oh you're being mean" if she gets told the truth that she doesn't want to hear.

Does anyone have any advice on how we can deal with her or advise her in a way that she may actually listen (there maybe some sort of miracle words we haven't tried)?

Wow. That's a biggie. Seems to me she is still relatively young and able. If she couldn't support her own husband through his illness why should she expect you to support her now.
What goes around comes around.
My FIL is not in the best of health but my MIL still manages to make everything about her and gets him to wait on her hand and foot.
Different I know but I give her little sympathy for her imagined ailments, just polite acknowledgment in the hope she never expects more
Can you try and get dome distance and just don't be available.
She's made her bed....

She is perfectly able. No health problems but his illness was starting to have an effect on all their long flight holidays and he didn't want to do it anymore.

All she goes on about is how she still loves him, doesn't want a divorce, doesn't want to sell the house and the 100k she will have will not be enough to buy her anywhere .

I think her perfect bubble burst because she was happy and he wasn't and he did something about it. Just wish they would stop fucking around and split for good instead of all this drama. They aren't going to get back together, he really doesn't want that. She needs to distance herself but she just won't. She is pretty dependant and I don't think she likes the fact that she has to rely on herself and no one else for the first time.

Well she can't have it both ways. I know it's old fashioned but what kind of wife doesn't support her sick husband.
She sounds selfish and spoilt. I appreciate he's messing her around but u r right she needs to toughen up and sort her own life out.
The more u do now the more she will expect.
She'll be moving in next! If her own daughter has had enough.....well.

She will not be moving in!!!!

DH said he would put her in a home but he would have my nan here (she brought me up and is like my mum) so it does show how fed up he is as well. Doesn't stop all her conversations being about this same old thing though.

SIL (wrongly) told MIL recently that DH was fed up of hearing it and didn't want to anymore. We didn't hear from her for over a week. When DH texted her she said it was because of what SIL said and she was so upset. Obviously she didn't want to know how her son or DGC where then. Unfortuantely DH stupidly told MIL that wasn't what he said so now its all we hear from her again.