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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dh asking this every day

51 replies

MrsRobertDuvallHasRosacea · 02/08/2012 09:24

I have 10 weeks off for the summer.
I 'm not going away, but am taking everything nice and slowly. Most of my friends are away at the moment, but am quite happy pootling around on my own.
Getting up by 8.30, gym every other day. The house is clean, ironing done, food in the fridge.

Dcs are teenagers so don't need much attention...they are busy most of the time and out of the house, armed with Oyster cards and bikes.

But every morning dh asks what my plans are. Not in a particularly interested way, but a " are you going to waste another day doing not very much" way.
I am happy reading, going for a coffee, bit of shopping sort of thing. Went to V and A last week, Olympics on Sunday, got theatre booked next week, had hair cut yesterday.
But he is one of those men who has to be doing something all the time..golf, sailing, gym, swimming...doesn't read, have coffee or sit down and relax unless it is to watch sport. He only works about 5 hours a day as he has his own business, so it's not that he's jealous of the free time I have.

Anyone else have this?

OP posts:

CaveJohnson · 02/08/2012 11:30

geegee calm down, I think heart attack point was about who's more stressed, not who's more active!

Is sport your job? I'd be surprised if many people with a family and a 'proper' job had time for everything you do.

kittyandthefontanelles · 02/08/2012 11:31

If you've got 10 weeks off you are probably in further or higher ed and therefore in my opinion have earned it and can what you like with your time off. I think if you do to much then its not a holiday.

wonkylegs · 02/08/2012 11:33

Your DH might not be envious of your pottering but I am. Although I get bored quite quickly, I'd happily read the summer away.
I'm supposed to be on enforced rest right now but due to a combination of stubbornness, short staffing at work & idiocy I'm hobbling round work on crutches and pretending life is ok when I'd rather be having a doze somewhere.
My DH asks me what I'm doing everyday but rarely listens to the answer so have slipped in the odd moon landing, catwalk show and tunnelling to Australia , he rarely notices

LRDtheFeministDragon · 02/08/2012 11:35

If my DH said that (not that he would as he'd love to do fuck all), I'd tell him he was spoiling my nice holiday buzz and the whole point was I didn't want to do anything.

Is something stopping you from doing that?

Otherwise, outlandish lies sound good. See how long it takes of replying in a casual tone you're climbing Everest, before he stops saying 'that's nice, dear'.

He's probably just asking because he feels like he should show an interest.

AThingInYourLife · 02/08/2012 11:35

Stealth boast! :o

Your DH might not be jealous, but I am

amillionyears · 02/08/2012 11:38

My DH used to be a bit like that,but after several years of marriage,he has learnt that we are different.Am surprised your DH has not learnt this by now.Is this 10 weeks off,a one off happening?Or does it happen quite regularly?Or is it you that has decided to handle it differently this time?

degutastic · 02/08/2012 11:38

Today I think I will take up pole dancing, I'm thinking of getting a PT job at the local strip club to fill my time.

I may also take to subtling harvesting men's jizz, and leaving it in front of stranger's houses in unidentified tupperware boxes...

How about you, dear?

degutastic · 02/08/2012 11:40

subtling, wth?! subtly was the aim...

(now looked at subtle too long and it just looks wrong )

DeathByChocolate01 · 02/08/2012 11:42

My dad is like this, he just doesn't see the appeal in having a chilled-out day of reading and pottering. He's a pain in the arse. Mum's dreading his retirement, he'll drive her mad!

ahopskipandafurryone · 02/08/2012 11:43

When DH asks me this question I just assume he's making conversation, interesting that you choose to assume he's having a dig at you.

Mrsjay · 02/08/2012 11:47

He does his thing you do yours sounds like he doesnt understand your idea of relaxation he is active you like to potter, you little pampered pooch you

UptoapointLordCopper · 02/08/2012 11:52

I love pottering and would get Olympic gold if there is such an event.

QuickLookUsainBolt · 02/08/2012 12:00

My Dh never stops, I on the other hand love to potter.

I don't work, DC have left school and I spend my time volunteering, running, visiting museums, reading, cooking and meeting friends. My DH asks me out of interest what I am up to, but never accuses me of wasting my time. Just like I would never have a go at him for never sitting down, rushing around everywhere and being stressy.

If he is rude again, just ask him if he is going to waste anymore time on his numerous hobbies. That should shut him up

shrodingerscat · 02/08/2012 12:15

Are you are a barrister (courts closed for summer break)?
My husband is a doer, constantly fidgets, has to be DOING SOMETHING. Drives me insane. I am pretty focussed, I get my jobs done and look after 2 extremely demanding pre-schoolers; but when it's my down time, I too want to potter, read, exercise, watch the world go by. DH always makes me feel like I'm wasting my time. I need this time and headspace otherwise I'd get ill (on off depression and anxiety).
So, I do not think YABU. It's your time, you should be able to do what you like with it without criticism, you are not harming anyone else in the process. Tell him to keep his beak out and have fun with your 10 week "you" fest, OP!

BellaVita · 02/08/2012 12:21

I would love to have a husband a bit more like yours .

Mine is always saying to me "come and sit down", "you cannot be cleaning again...

DH needs a rocket up his arse sometimes

Although, he never ever questions what I do with the rest of my time (I have all the school hols off).

holyfishnets · 02/08/2012 12:29

Ask him what hes reading at the moment or planning to read? Or ask him if hes going to pop to a that new cafe that has just opened? Or joke and say you will be doing something really outrageous.

Geegee888 - OP already leads an active lifestyle. She does the gym every other day.

holyfishnets · 02/08/2012 12:31

My parents always ask this of me. They are always busy with things but for me just doing the basic cleaning and looking after 3 kids and jogging and meeting up with friends and my club is enough.

Original poster

MrsRobertDuvallHasRosacea · 02/08/2012 12:34

A barrister
no I work for a charity but in schools, so don't have any work to do till 10th Sept.
Having said that, I am planning school Christmas fair at the moment which is keeping me busy.

Got waylaid by the rowing on BBC and it's raining, so may or may not pop up to London.

Geegee...dh is active but suffers from high cholesterol and bp. His dad had a triple heart bypass in his early sixties and that's why he is a bit obsessed with keeping busy.
I go to the gym regularly, and am fit and healthy without being neurotic about it.

OP posts:

QuenelleOJersey2012 · 02/08/2012 12:36

Do what my 3yo does when I ask him what he did at preschool: spread your arms wide, grin hugely and say 'Nuffink!!!'

littlemslazybones · 02/08/2012 12:38

You could tell him what you told us:

'Off to sniff someone's bottom now. woof '

That'll keep him guessing

scaredymcnamechange · 02/08/2012 12:49

fgs, tis your holiday, that's what pottering was invented for. Enjoy, these days don't come by too often!

CaliforniaLeaving · 02/08/2012 16:03

I am a SAHM and Dd is in school full time, I still haven't found work and Dh doesn't really want me too, he likes the attention and not having to cook or clean. When he asks me that stupid question and he does once in a while, I usually try to think up something stupid like I'm going to try and swim across the local lake today, do you think I'll make it? Or the gym is doing pole dancing lessons, or my old stand by, I'm sitting on my butt watching TV and eating bon bons. Sadly he is very quick witted (I wish I was) and he can come up with some great replies, he did say at one point, I figured you were using your bum a lot it's getting bigger! Luckily after all these year we are still in love and we both find the banter really funny and don't offend each other.

geegee888 · 03/08/2012 10:42

Cave, no, I'm a dentist?

Well, if you go to the gym most days OP, he already knows what you're doing! How does your DH run a business on only 5 hours a day?

Granted, there are some people who seem to think that woman's role is to constantly be working doing stuff for other people.

Kaluki · 03/08/2012 10:48

YANBU - its your time off to do what you like.
But I do understand your DH too as I am always on the go.
When DP is off work he will sit and do nothing for hours. He watches nonsense on telly or plays with his phone or the ipad and quite frankly he irritates the hell out of me!!
So I ask him that question with this face, because I know he will sit on the sofa doing f*k all and getting in my way!!!

bogeyface · 03/08/2012 10:52

Tell him you watched Irina Palm when it was on a couple of weeks ago and it has inspired you to get a part time holiday job.

When he asks what the film is about just say "oh its got Marianne Faithful in it, raising money to help her sick grandson.....google it"

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irina_Palm

Dont click if you have strict filters at work, it isnt rude as such, but might create eyebrows! Its not the best film in the world and the ending was a bit crap but I still liked it!

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