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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To keep DS (4yrs) in FS1 rather than go full time in sept?

13 replies

dimplebum · 01/08/2012 22:03

DS has just turned 4 - end july. He has attended our local school nursery for 3 full terms, he still cried most mornings, right up until we broke up for summer. He is advanced for his age academically but he is Very small for his age ( he wears age 2-3 clothes) and as mentioned before very immature when it comes to attachment issues.

He is due to go into FS2 in September and I know he is sooooo not ready. He asks every morning, is it a school day as he dreads going and when we speak Nabout him going full time with a different teacher he gets so upset, saying he wants to stay with his old teacher and max (his special friend who is 2 months younger so will remain in FS1)

I am thinking of asking for him to remain in FS1, maybe just for another term??? But I don't know if that would make things worse. I know legally I don't have to send him full time until he is 5. I just want to do what is best for him.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 01/08/2012 22:05

I would discuss it with the staff if I were you

I'm sure they'll look into everything and help you decide what's best

KissMyEmbroideryHoop · 01/08/2012 22:10

I think we as parents can be tempted to share too much with them. I think OP that your worries are natural but that you need to send him to school and be brisk and simple in asnwers to his questions about it....don't let him feel your fear.

My DD was a late July baby and also one wh hated leaving me....very shy too.

She's fine. She's 8 now and schools are used to the summer borns...they cope just fine.

One more term in FS1 won't help.

ballstoit · 01/08/2012 22:33

DS1 (August birthday) was similar to your DS during his time at nursery. I chose to withdraw him from part time nursery after 4 weeks when he'd just turned 3 as he literally spent the whole morning crying and staff seemed at a bit of a loss to know what to do with him.

He did cry in the mornings when I left him for the first few weeks when he first started FS2, but his teacher and TA were fabulous, directed him to activities he enjoyed and even got office staff to ring and reassure me he'd settled the first couple of mornings. I think he would have found it even more difficult to join an established group half way through the year.

Just to warn you, DS is nearly 7 and just about to go into Yr 3, and has cried on the first day of each term (including half term breaks, Christmas and Easter as well as summer) the whole time he's been at school. I have learnt to give him a kiss and cuddle, unpeel him and say bye quickly. He is very happy at school apart from that and is doing very well academically.

YANBU to consider keeping him down, but my feeling is that he (and you) have got to bite the bullet at some point, and it might as well be when the other children are also being shown the ropes and getting used to being full time too.

BuntCadger · 01/08/2012 22:41

I would definitely speak to school about this and see if there is a compromise.

Ds2 due to start in September, because he is high functioning autistic we have be arranging how best to manage his transition.

We have a personal story book from school that has photos of teachers, school, toilets, class, dinner lady's etc and a bit about school rules too. This has helped to the extent he would say he was at wrong school when going to preschool.

We are also going to be matching the hours he was doing at preschool, 3 mornings a week. He is a Christmas baby do legally needs to be full time sooner that yours, but will prob be part time till after Xmas holidays. This first year is all about adjustment and baby steps to build confidence.

amck5700 · 01/08/2012 23:23

I don't really understand the English system i'm afraid, but if you feel he isn't ready and you have an option then I would exercise it and give him the year to mature. I think in these cases then the Scottish system is better. In Scotland you get 12.5 hours per week (usually but not always split into 5/2.5 hours sessions) nursery provision from the term after their 3rd birthday until they start school in Primary 1. If the child is 5 on or before the school term start date (usually 3rd week in August) then you MUST start P1. If the child is 5 prior to the end of February the following year, then they MAY start school or can defer to the following year. that way the youngest they can be is 4 and a half but they can be 5 and half or in theory nearly 6 but that rarely happens. In general it is the January/February born children that are deferred to allow them to mature.

Rollmops · 01/08/2012 23:34

Why on earth would you send him to school if he's clearly not ready and you don't have to??????????????????????????????????????????????????
Wait and send him next year, the term after his 5th birthday.

Floggingmolly · 01/08/2012 23:37

He'll then start in Year 1, though, amongst other children who's had a year together already to learn the ropes. It's not always a perfect solution.

Rollmops · 01/08/2012 23:45

But he'll be a far more confident little boy by then - a year can make massive difference - and will enjoy school more, no?

Happilymarried155 · 02/08/2012 07:55

I'm sure he will be, there are a number of children that are 4 in July/end of August these all go on to progress well at school. It will do more damage to have him attend a setting, later than everyone else, they know the routine, know the teachers, people in their class and your ds is likely to feel even more insecure.

They really are used to having a few shy, timid children in reception. Do they do a settling in process? Talk to the teacher about your concerns, maybe he could start with just doing three days or mornings for abit to see how he gets on. Honestly though he will be fine x

pinkdelight · 02/08/2012 08:21

If it's a nursery attached to a school, will it definitely have a place for him? Sure it'll be okay if the nursery's not oversubscribed, but around here there wouldn't be a place at this stage if I decided to keep DS back. Also there can be funding issues - some school nurseries seem to need pupils to sign up for the year rather than a single term. But like someone said above, a term may not make a huge difference. Reception is v play-based like nursery and it really mightn't be such a stretch for him.

DontEatTheVolesKids · 02/08/2012 08:35

ime, 3 months or a year will not make the difference, you will just be delaying the moment when you have to peel him off you. You'll be going thru all this again in 3-6-12 months time. I'd send him now & get that anxiety over with. He will still be separated from best friend long term, and best friendships do not usually last at this age, anyway (my 4yo has similar, he is 11 months older than his BF).

My clingiest shyest school starter was the one with an early October birthday. Didn't stop being clingy until yr2-3. June birthday child was very excited & thought he'd love school (actually he hated it & has had behaviour problems).

DontEatTheVolesKids · 02/08/2012 08:36

ps: if you're in England, check that he would have funding at nursery from September. Around here he would not, even if he's not 5 until July 2013.

Floggingmolly · 02/08/2012 11:18

That's a point Vole, even if he was to remain with the friend for next year; he'd still have to rejoin his own year group after that. You can only delay their entry into the school system, you can't actually "hold them back" as such.

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