flaky, let you down at the last minute, type people?

[yeahbaby]

AIBU to get fed up with them?
have a friend who is always full of great ideas, but she NEVER follows them through. to the extent that she can arrange a night out, meal and drinks with a group of 8 people, and she will be the one who wont turn up.
she will ask you to go to an activity with her and when yo turn up and go in, she isnt there.
you will invite her to a party and she just wont turn up.
when i spend time with her, she is great, nice woman, fab family, all round is the kinda person i like. except this part of her personality.
aibu to just walk away from the friendship cause to me, being the way she is is just rude.

Out not pit!

I am that person, I suffer from depression but none of my friends care enough to know this
do they not care enough or do you not trust them enough?
depression is a hidden illness you cant expect other people to guess that you are suffering.

this woman is always busy, she is a chronic fill her time type person. she has to have plans, she is always taking about things she is doing, places she is giong. she is very outgoing, life and soul, confident etc.

I hear you Minshu - I am finally starting to hear the hints, it saves time and my hurt feelings.

OP - YANBU especially if she doesn't have a reason for repeated failings - because it sounds like it's not just group events she avoids.

Sounds a bit odd tbh. Hope she gave you your deposit back!

raw we were meeting at the resturant, so the rest of us just went ahead and had our meal, tried calling etc but didnt get any replies.

I had a friend like that. She was a barrister, which always really surprised me given her (dis)organisation skills

I can understand depression (and any other number of other health reasons etc) for cancelling - but just not turning up would be ared flag to me that the person din't have anough respect / consideration for me to let me know and therefore I would feel that I was wasting my time making any future plans with them.
It takes effort, time and money to go out to meet up with someone, if you really have to cancel then you should give as much notice as you can.

Sounds like she's over compensating for something then. Why this desperate need to be popular? I'd either ask her why she does it and if she's ok, or phase her out. Your choice really.

*enough even

I would be intrigued, it doesn't sound in character for someone who is usually 'the life and soul' - that's what they used to say about me before I was diagnosed with bipolar. Might your friend be cyclothymic or something?

Or of course she might be spectacularly disorganised and inconsiderate instead, or in addition to any sort of mood problem. I would want her as a friend so I could feel a bit more mentally normal

ive pulled her on it. when she has ( more recenlty) tried to make plans i have said, are you sure? are you going to pull out on me? do you want to double check if you are free? etc.
she just seems to like the idea of being popular and busy, but isnt good at actually following through.

I am a bit like this but I am far too disorganised to plan nights out and organise everything like your friend seems to do. Most of the time I refuse invitations now because although I look forward to going out and meeting friends, on the day, I get really anxious and try to find any excuse to drop out. You would never know this about me - all of my friends describe me as very outgoing and sociable and if I force myself to go out then I do enjoy it, chat to everyone and generally have a great time. It it just getting there that is the problem!

almeda
i honeslty dont think there are any issues that can be put down to illness, her husband even makes comments about how she does it.
we started going to a weekly class, her idea, 2 weeks in she quit. i kept going and at one point bumped into her oh who said, oh how long did she last this time? so its obviously something people are used to her ding.

Think everyone has a friend like this - and shamefully I was a bit like this with one of my closest friends at Uni, was just always late / disorganised. Think it came from having a lovely but reasonably strict upbringing, then going away to Uni and just thinking "I don't have to do anything :o"

Looking back I don't know how she put up with it for those couple of years but I grew out of it by third year - handy when I had to go into the world of work! But now in thirties I have a good friend like this (again life and soul, chronically busy, a bit unhappy with her life but not sure how to change it because she won't even pause for breath never mind reflection.)

I find that being firm with her helps - sounds awful but almost like a strict parent (she can be quite childlike). So if she says she might come and stay next month I give her a polite deadline to let me know by and tell her that after this date we will have to make arrangements for other people to visit (true). I've found she either takes umbrage and 'rebels' or immediately is motivated to book her tickets.

yeahbaby you are right, I don't trust them enough to tell them plus I feel it's too late now anyway

I'm like this a lot sometimes. I'm terribly shy and my confidence fluctuates. What seems like a good idea in theory can sometimes feel cripplingly terrifying in reality. I've let people down and I know it's hurt me socially . Thing is, I usually have a great time when I do step outside my comfort zone. I'm not too busy, or arrogant....it's just complicated.

Sadly I too have a friend like this. We always make vague plans as in going to visit a museum or going to an 80's night, I find out all the details and and she is still really keen, gets closer to the night and she is still keen then a couple of days before she pulls out. I have turned up at partys that she has promised she will be there at to find she hasnt turned up.

Sadly she gets more and more keen to do things to score a point against her DP. If he is going out loads she is all "well I am not staying in the house, me and vodkajelly are going to the gym/pub/zumba/curry house" etc etc but once they make up all the plans are dropped.

If i do want to go to something and she bails then I still go, i have no problem attending things on my own or dragging DP with me.

I had a friend who did this all the time. If I said I already had plans with someone else when she suggested an outing on a particular day, she'd say 'oh just ring/text them and say you have something esle you'd rather do.' Which is what she'd do to me of course. Late all the time, ditched for a better offer all the time, texts cancelling at the last minute. Ironically she is now 'not speakingto me' as I apparently let her down, once. She'd arranged for me to look after her DC on a particular date in the future and then not spoken, called or texted for weeks and weeks, so I assumed that the arrangement must be off (and in fact couldn't even remember the exact date). Then a text the night before to check it was still OK. I said it wasn't. Ah well, I do feel better to be free. Unfortunately people who are like this have no idea that they are, and therefore will never ever learn. Ditch, I say :)

Same here, with a friend. He relies on the supposed fact that people know he is shy/not great in company. But he manages to hold down a job, go to ceroc dancing 3 times a week, etc and there comes a stage when what is charming shyness in a young person simply becomes oddness/not making an effort/selfishness in an older person. He admits he loses touch with nearly everyone because of this.

So far this year he's cancelled a holiday, a hill walking trip, and not turned up to two parties he promised he would. He didn't reply to the last invitation at all, he would probably justify this by saying he didn't want to let me down, but it doesn't actually leave any friendship at all, and on passing him in the street last week, I kept my head down and pretended I didn't see him.

No doubt he will think I'm very rude.