To actively rebel against pushiness?

[Superslinger]

I mean when somebody wants to get in touch, doesn't get an immediate response and so PUSHES. Recent examples:

• In the run up to my due date my cousin has text 'any news?' and when I didn't reply the next day I got another text: 'well?'

Well, I didn't reply in the first place because we're not at all close cousins and I know she only wants to know just to 'know' so she can be the one to tell others. Anyway, I knew I had to reply but didn't get round to it on the day. But now I've got the 'well?' I'm really digging my heels in! If I had had the baby and hadn't replied can't she see I might have more important things than texting to focus on?

• Another example is a friend who when I don't immediately reply to messages will do what feels like 'stalking' me on facebook - e.g. another friend put up a picture and tagged me in it, and I 'liked' it - then original friend commented on second friend's photo (who she does not know) 'did you get my message?' i.e. I see you've interacted with another person, and I'm going to tell you I can see this so that you feel pressure to get back to me, now!

• I've stopped answering the phone to another friend as she won't let me off the phone once I'm on! It will literally be hours and hours on the line, then when I do get up the gumption to say 'actually I've got to go because DH has just cooked dinner' she'll respond 'ok, well I'll give you a call back in an hour'. Stopping answering doesn't stop the calling though - she just calls and calls again.

What makes me wonder AIBU is a) I quite like some of the people who do this, e.g. the facebook 'i can see you' one is a wonderful friend in every other way; b) when I tell dh how it really puts my back up he doesn't get it at all and says 'she just wants to hear from you' and also he tries to get me to do the same thing quite often - e.g. if I text somebody I don't get a reply he'll say 'well give them a call!' Well to my mind they've got my text and will reply when they want to - following it up with a call is just pushiness, no?

"Well, I didn't reply in the first place because we're not at all close cousins and I know she only wants to know just to 'know' so she can be the one to tell others."

So the reason you didn't reply wasn't because you were too busy, but because you have an 'issue' with the question and the person asking the question.

Which is quite, quite different from not have a mobile glued to you at all times.

You know, if someone asks you a question and you plain ignore them rather than politely acknowledging them then you are being rude.

If your OP had said "I didn't reply straightaway as my phone was in my jacket pocket and I couldn't hear it" that would be different.

But you actively chose to ignore her. That is rude.

oooh pictish - that winds me up and I refuse to let it send the read receipts on principle.

I'm not fending off a barrage of texts and messages either...but still I am put off by any form of 'demand' from anyone like that.

'Did you get my text?'

Yes I did, but I'm putting the kids to bed, so am otherwise engaged. I will text you back when it suits me. OK???

I don't expect a reply immediately but the same day would be good. The majority of people do check their phones regularly.

I would be really upset if I texted someone and they took ages to reply - especially if I could see that they had been playing on facebook so in actual fact they do have time they just can't be arsed. My response to this would be different though and I would assume they would not want to be friends so they would probably be ditched quite quickly. Sorry OP, I really think YABU.

stifnstav, exactly! I find the photo thing really bloody weird and, yes, rude! maybe I have to admit I do have that sort of thought process - as I say, if somebody doesn't want to talk to me, why on earth would I want to force them to? I do try not to engage in doing too much 'public' on facebook before being up to date with message replying, because I know people can be upset by it, but really sometimes I have time to click 'like' on a photo I, erm, like, but yet not time to respond to a long message, that maybe I'll need to dedicate a bit of time to?

mummy, as I said above it's not that people wonder 'why has she responded to them first?' that I take exception to (though I do think it's a bit needy unless they need to know something for planning etc) it's the flagging it up to me; the saying 'I know you're therrrrre! So you have to respond to meeee!' that I find a bit much! I too if I thought a friend couldn't be arsed to get in touch with me might (after a while, because I really do practice what I preach and don't really mind people not getting straight back to me, and then actually if it was aaages, then I might just assume they'd forgotten) be a bit miffed (MAYBE), but as I say I certainly wouldn't bloody tell them and are you honestly saying that instead you'd if you caught them 'playing on facebook' before responding to your message you'd ditch them as a friend?! Permanently?!

I feel as you do Superslinger.

If someone takes ages to reply to me, I assume it's because they're busy/depressed/ill/on holiday/shagging etc.

I like my own space, and I do find text chasing (unless it's urgent) intrusive.

Some needy people on here

Right now I'm downstairs on the laptop, my phone is in my bag at my side but that's because I went out earlier in the day. If I don't go out, 9 times out of 10, my bag is upstairs, usually with my phone in it so I wouldn't know if anyone had text me. Being on fb doesn't mean I know when someone has text me, especially as I often go on fb, spend a couple of mins on there, then go elsewhere. Recently I put my phone on charge on Saturday afternoon and remembered to take it off on Monday morning.

If I'm arranging to meet someone then I would make sure I replied immediately until time/date/place for meet was arranged but other than that I don't always answer straight away.

I disagree that expecting someone that uou have taken the time to interact with and who actively chooses not to respond but can be seen faffing about on FB is needy. It's plain rude. If you don't want want someone to contact you, just tell them to leave you alone. I treat people as I wish to be treated, which means if I have taken the time to text you then I expect you to give me the same courtesy back unless for some reason you can't. Where I've not replied to people's texts because I have been busy at work or at home, I always apologise for the late response and briefly explained why. Maybe I'm just too polite. In your case OP, a simple text back to your cousin saying, 'no, will let you know when here' or some such would have taken you seconds and then if she persisted you could be justified in ignoring her (IMHO) because you have already given her an answer. But to not respond at all is rude and clearly implies that you don't value her enough to even acknowledge her. She is family and obviously cares, there are many who don't have anyone who do.

I have to say I have very little time for people who don't value my time and if I was a friend of yours who you persistently treated this way, you won't be my friend for long.

YANBU. Surely the whole point of a text is that the other person can reply at a time which suits them? And imo it's rude to be constantly texting to ask for due date news, so no reply is a risk you take.

The Facebook thing is infuriating too. It's the virtual equivalent of going up to two people having a conversation and butting in with something completely irrelevant.

A text is a text. Not a royal summons. Same applies with the phone - it's why they invented caller ID and answer machines. Yes, I screen everything

YABVU
The examples you give convey the idea of people caring about you and you not going a shit. Either cut them out of your life if you can't be arsed or reply to their messages FFS!