AIBU To Want to Put My Foot Down Over DDs Birthday Invites ???

[rockinhippy]

I really can't decide if I am or not, so throwing it open to the MN jury :)

DDs up coming Birthday - I've just organised a birthday party at a local attraction - more expensive than I'd usually go for, but she's had a tough year with various injuries & ailments & its a bit of a special birthday anyway - also I usually do everything myself, but will be working in the run up to this years one & realise I will be putting myself under too much pressure, so this works all round & she is thrilled.

I asked for a list of names, which she gave me.

She has an old nursery friend who we don't see often due to living in different areas of town, different schools etc, but they are very alike & get on like long lost sisters when they do get together, really lovely to see - we saw them recently - DD ALWAYS gets an invite to this DCs bigger birthday parties, - I'll call her X - though in recent years my own DDs birthdays have been much smaller events with a handful of close school friends, so this hasn't been reciprocated for a few years.

I allowed DD her list of 9 friends & suggested she also invite X as its a party this year & as she wont know any of DDs School friends, let her bring a friend, who DD also knows & gets on with, this makes up the party numbers too.

I asked DD to have a small back up list, as its a paid for each DC sort of thing & saves wasting the spaces if some DCs can't make it - DD then mentions 2 other DCs that I know she often plays with at School - so I had a bit of a wobble, thinking these 2 DCs really should be invited instead - so I mentioned to DD that if she really felt she'd rather stick to inviting School friends only, then maybe we could swap Xs invites.

DD agrees she'd rather do this - & then gives me 2 completely DIFFERENT names, not mentioned before & not even in here class

It went from excitement at writing out her invites, to a very dramatic "oh I don't want to talk about it, it upsets me now" - because I reminded her that she always gets an invite to Xs parties & I wasn't happy swapping Xs invites for 2 DCs I've never heard of before.

AIBU - I've got to admit, that I do also have a bit of an ulterior motif, due to DD having several quite bad issues with friendships in school this year, even though its now its all resolved, the main group of girls invited were at the centre of it, so I really want to encourage this none school friendship as I think its healthy for DD.

AIBU to put my foot down & allow her only the original guest list, plus X & a plus 1 ??

TIA

How old is DD? (this is relevant!)

She'll be 10 on her upcoming birthday :)

To be fair, you said, 'if you only want school friends, you can swap invites'. Which is what she did. Did you explain all your thinking and 'motifs' to her? Otherwise you cant criticize her for not being a mind reader.

I think you should invite X. You can't invite her every time, that's fine, but you should reciprocate once.

I think you should invite X

Will X know the other girls, or is she going to end up feeling left out, and is it going to put pressure on your daughter to make X feel involved?

You need to invite X, especially as your dd has been invited to her parties and you are now in a position to have a bigger party.

But you don't need to give X a plus one. Does your dd get a plus one when she goes to Xs parties? It's completely unneccesary.

Compromise by inviting X and letting dd have 1 more choice.

Also meant to say that if x is uncomfortable not knowing anyone else, then your dd will have to be extra kind to her, or she can decline the invite. If its the sort. Thing where you have to pay per child I would imagine that they will be kept busy enough for it not to matter that she doesn't know anyone.

Invite x.It's always good to encourage out of school friendships

Thanks everyone :)

& great idea Outraged - I just offered DD the compromise of just inviting X & using the other invite for a school friend - DD declined - said she'd rather just stick to the original invites, which is X plus 1 - bloody kids eh

X is very gregarious, so I am sure she would have been fine on her own & not be at all shy, what did worry me though is that she's a strikingly pretty & bubbly girl, who like my own DD is often the centre of attention without actually trying, IYSWIM - unfortunately this has caused my own DD problems with a some of her own friends this year, so I'm aware that theres a few of them that can be pretty bitchy & X might well get their backs up & therefore not be made so welcome by some of them, putting more pressure on my DD to look after her - I hadn't factored in that it will be very full on with the entertainment, so I don't really need to worry about that at all :)

but after been given the choice, DD being a typically fickle pre preteen, who likes to keep me on my toes has decided she wants to stick with the original plans

thanks again for all your in put :)