I had a go at my mum last night and I'm not sure if iwbu.
Basically her and my dad have a variety of health problems that they are not helping because they drink excessively every night, eat a terrible diet and smoke like chimneys.
As parents go they were ok, adequate but in many ways were crap, always borrowing money, arguing shouting, my dad in particular could be extremely horrible and would shout, smack all the time, when telling us off he would call us little bastards he has called me some horrible names even as an adult blamed me for him and my mum arguing, blamed me for his drinking of course it's all had it's effects. He has suffered with depression and anxiety and a personality disorder and is just a generally negative person. I've seen him fall down the stairs drunk, throwing up lying on the floor. I've never been able to have much of a relationship with my mum in terms of going out shopping because she won't go anywhere without my dad because it sets him off.
I know he has seen the error of his ways he dotes on all his grandchildren, spends any spare money he has on them and can't even bear to see them being told off, but he still continues with his evening drinking.
At times this drinking turns into 1-3 day binges, if he gets upset or is in the wrong company he will do this. He often ends up in bad company or in rough pubs. He can be very rude and aggressive when drunk and a few times has got himself nearly beaten up only he's been saved by whoever he was with but these family/friends won't even go with him anymore. When he gets back from a binge my mum will try and get him to bed tp sleep it off and will turn the phones off for a few days until he's recovered.
Last night she phoned me to tell me he was out so not to ring incase I woke him up, I'm not sure why as she turns the phones off anyway and I'd already told her a few weeks ago I don't want to know anymore when he's behaving like that because I lie awake at night waiting for the phonecall to say he's been scraped off the pavement. I had a go at her about her health problems and how she does nothing to help herself and what a worry it is for me. i said I don't need to know he's out drinking, if she chooses to stay with him that's her choice but I would rather not know because it's just a burden on me and I've worried about them and their problems my entire life and don't wish to anymore. She said I burden her with things and I said me ringing her to have a moan because my dp hasn't washed up properly is just not the same and risking my life and my health. She sounded hurt but said she wouldn't tell me anymore then she had to go because he came back.
I feel really bad she will pretty much do anything she can to help me within her capacity. But I've spent my whole life wishing for a normal family and can do without the worry.