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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to leave a 3.5 yo on her own?

64 replies

Flojo1979 · 30/07/2012 23:12

It's just been brought to my attention on another thread that I'm wrong to leave my 3.5 yrs dd unsupervised downstairs for half am hr and that I need to 'get off my fanny and supervise her' nice huh?
I am wrong in thinking I shouldn't have to entertain her 24/7? She's up from 5am and a bundle of energy.
Is it so wrong to put Peppa pig on and leave her to it for a bit?

OP posts:
AKMD · 30/07/2012 23:36

Baby gate/lock on kitchen door and YWNBU.

Meglet · 30/07/2012 23:38

yanbu. I do it all the time, I can hear what the dc's are doing if they're upstairs / downstairs / in the garden, they don't need me looking at them all the time.

As long as a house is fairly toddler proofed and you can hear / talk to them then it's fine.

PfftTheMagicDraco · 30/07/2012 23:39

Ha, StateOfConfusion, your house sounds like mine.

"MUUUMMMMMM, DD is has her feet on the sofa!"
"MUUUUMMMMM, DD is swinging back on her chair"
"MUUUMMMMMM, DD is eating food with her fingers"

DeepPurple · 30/07/2012 23:39

I leave dd 2.8 downstairs, whilst I have a shower, most mornings and I have for months. The kitchen cupboards are child proof, the utility room has a bolt and I've managed to secure the fridge. Why wouldn't I? It's not like she's alone all day!

StateofConfusion · 30/07/2012 23:40

I give dd a snack, set her favourite film on and get out toys to grab her interest before pottering off.

Worst she's done is handwash her whole body in the downstairs loo. That's the bugger with toilet training I had to remove the bathrooms outdoor locks.

DeepPurple · 30/07/2012 23:41

Baby gate for a 3 year old Hmm dd managed to open hers when she was 2.3. She can get through most now so I'm sure a 3 year old can! They are far more dangerous if they try to climb over them.

StateofConfusion · 30/07/2012 23:42

Exactly how it is here pfft ds gets stupid with it though today,

MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYYYY

What ds.

She is looking at me with her eyes.

Ds.

Yes mum.

Stop talking please sweetie.

Dp yelled at me for that but in one week I am thoroughly sick of hearing my name :)

Socknickingpixie · 30/07/2012 23:46

when i had my eldest befor i lernt about stairgates on kitchen doors dc got some washing powder and was able to compleatly cover the living room carpet by sweeping it in. she was 5 and being helpfull Grin.

tesco have safety gates cheaper than amazon at the mo if thats any use to you

amck5700 · 30/07/2012 23:46

mine would be a similar age when as long as they told me they were going downstairs, they would get up themselves and munch on the brioche and carton of juice I would leave out and watch tv for a while (until normal people get up!!) until I went down to get them their proper breakfast :)

amck5700 · 30/07/2012 23:47

....at the weekends, not every day.

RabbitsMakeBrownEggs · 30/07/2012 23:50

Mine have had to cope like this and whilst we've had a couple of moments with crayons and scissors, mostly it's worked out fine. It has to, they're children to a single mum with disabilities. I can't always be as on top of things as I would like to be.

I don't allow mine downstairs before me, but they can entertain themselves in their rooms until I am fit to get out of bed. I often put a little picnic breakfast, a dvd, clean clothes and some activities in a basket when I feel particularly bad, and they feed themselves, get dressed, brush their teeth and entertain themselves until I get up. Of course I then take some responsibility for any mess they make unsupervised, and we all tidy it together and come downstairs for some lunch and time together.

Have had a few mishaps along the way, but at 6 and 4 now they are starting to get pretty self-sufficient. Bolts on doors is a must to keep them out of the dangerous areas, kitchen being first and foremost, although I personally write off the entire downstairs for mine to keep the animals from being pestered. If they are upstairs alone, my bedroom will have a hook lock on it to prevent access (from tomorrow I hope).

If I had to be awake when DD was every time, I'd have barely slept at all these past four years, she can wake at 2am and start her day there, with no more sleep until 8pm that night. I have had to find ways to cope.

Flojo1979 · 31/07/2012 00:01

I had 3 different gates but she soon learnt how to open them all. I took the kitchen one of about 6 months ago.
Does anyone use the naught step successfully?
Dd seems to enjoy it, she sits there for 3 mins then mum comes n chats to her and gives her a cuddle, its like her own lil attention seeking reward for doing as she pleases.

OP posts:
conorsrockers · 31/07/2012 09:15

As everyone says, it depends on how child proof your house is and what your kids are like. I left mine downstairs when I was upstairs from very young - mainly to have a shower etc... however, I have been lucky that my 3DS have never been 'into' rummaging around. I've never had any locks or child proof stuff. They are 9, 6 and 5 now and I quite happily leave them at home when I pop to the shops. I would fully expect a typical shocked 'Mumsnetty' response, but TBH I couldn't care less - I know my kids. And I know other kids of the same age that I wouldn't trust in a room on their own. Don't take any notice of the sort of judgy people that get excited over stuff like that - you'll probably find it's because their kids have been so mollycoddled that they have no sense of self preservation or awareness and can't be trusted anyway.

KellyElly · 31/07/2012 09:20

Of course its fine to leave her unsupervised for half an hour at that age - most people do, I mean you have to shower, clean, cook etc. Personally I don't get people who sleep the morning away and expect toddlers to get up on their own and make their own breakfasts and entertain themselves for three hours. That's just fucking lazy parenting IMO.

Haylebop12 · 31/07/2012 09:28

You know your toddler and your house.
My dd is also 3.5 and I leave her in the next room while I was up/clean up, leave her downstairs whilst I shower/tidy up but would frequently shout down "what upu up to?" to which I get "nothing!" yeah right!!
I don't have baby gates or locks on cupboards but I know my dd and she wouldn't dream of doing anything like that. Only thing she did do was cover the fire place in talc!!!
If you constantly had to watch them I would be filthy and do would the house... SS would def be involved then!!!

olimpia · 31/07/2012 09:28

Nothing wrong with it! Clearly you feel reassured that she's safe. There's no magic age to let me be more independent, it's whenever we as parents feel that they'll be safe left to themselves.
What the hell is wrong with that??

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 31/07/2012 09:33

If I could leave my children for half An hour I would have been sat on my sofa staring at them for the last 20 years

babybythesea · 31/07/2012 09:39

I also leave dd (3.5) to her own devices for half an hour or so while I cook, or get housework done. I find it is far safer to set her up with a game/toys and leave her to it than try and keep her with me while cooking because she wants to 'help' and a persistant 3yo and a hot hob don't mix. I stick my head round the door every so often. She also chatters almost constantly to herself so I can usually hear her. I take showers (when i can't hear her over the water) but I then tell her where I am going and tell her to come and find me if she needs me. She's fine. But then she has never been prone to sticking things in her mouth, or emptying cupboards. It's not even usually that messy when I come back to her. The house is largely safe though - cleaning stuff is up high in a cupboard. I don't think YABU.

Pozzled · 31/07/2012 09:42

DD1 is almost 4 and we've been leaving her unsupervised in the mornings for several months at least. She has cbeebies, the house is fairly childproof, she's sensible, and we can hear her if she cries or calls out. I don't see the problem.

BsshBossh · 31/07/2012 09:52

Depends on the child. If your DD likes to wander around picking things up (eg food in the kitchen) then you'd need to be vigilant or lock things away. My DD (4) still doesn't touch things she's not supposed to or help herself to food even if in reach so I can get away with leaving her. If this situation changes then I'll change my behaviour too.

choceyes · 31/07/2012 09:53

My DS is 3.8yrs and I do the same sometimes. So YANBU. I put cbeebies on for him while I get DD to sleep upstairs which can take about 20mins or so. He is fascinated by Cbeebies so no chance of him wandering off. Even without the TV on, I wouldn't worry about him if I am upstairs doing something else as DS is a non-stop talker who will give a running commentary on what he is doing, so I know exactly what he is up to Grin.

DefiniteMaybe · 31/07/2012 09:58

my 3.9 year old will take himself off to a different room to play for half an hour at a time so YANBU.
But a quick word of warning to people saying my dd/ds wouldn't dream of doing something.
Ds has never been the sort of child who put things in his mouth. He's always liked playing with money in his wallet and has never ever ever put it in his mouth. Last week he swallowed a coin. I've never been more shocked in my life, he's never even come close to doing something so silly. But all kids have their daft moments.

Tee2072 · 31/07/2012 10:08

I leave my 3.1 year old downstairs all the time on his own. It's the only way I'd get a shower.

I've been doing it for about 6 months, I'd say.

Of course, I was recently told I shouldn't let him go up and down the stairs on his own either. Hmm

Way to not teach independence.

amck5700 · 31/07/2012 12:25

my kids are and were very compliant - they wouldn't get out of bed without asking first until they were about 7 or 8 and would never even consider trying to open a safety gate - don't know quite how that happened!! Even now at 12 and nearly 11 they wont just help themselves to anything or go on screen etc without asking for permission. I was a horror :)

CockyPants · 31/07/2012 12:45

Flojo, I've been doing this for years, so YANBU.
However Peppa Pig that is VV BU!!
Fucking daddy pig, fucking hate him. Make me want to punch him he is so thick....

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