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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to move in with my sister in law and her family

35 replies

Ghanagirl · 30/07/2012 21:02

we are having our house extended, a l shaped to ground floor plus loft conversion. Our builders really want us to move out so they can do a quick efficient job. I agree as have 2 small kids, but finding a cheapish one bed for less than six months seems to be impossible, my DH sister has a large 5 bed about 20 mins drive from us and DH thinks we should stay with them, I know it will be a nightmare.
Her kids are a little older eat loads of junk and go to bed whatever time they want plus we are very different. I get on with her okay but we're not friends but she's always calling me to pick up her girls from school or babysit (I'm a SAHM and she works) to be honest the whole situation is making me anxious as I know it will save money but the thought of her interfering with my parenting and reporting back to my MIL makes me sick, but financially it makes sense but I'm sure she'll make me pay by babysitting etc
Opinions please ( be gentle feeling fragile)
Thanks

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 30/07/2012 21:04

No way.

Just that. No. Way.

Socknickingpixie · 30/07/2012 21:05

dont do it as it will drive you mad

WinkyWinkola · 30/07/2012 21:05

No. It won't work for you. It will be hellish. And the strain on you all will damage relationships.

Booboobedoo · 30/07/2012 21:08

We moved in with my lovely parents when DS was four months old, when we were having an extension.

NEVER AGAIN.

I would rather cancel the building work tbh.

AFAIC, rental is going to be part of the cost of the build in the future.

TeWiDoesTheHulaInHawaii · 30/07/2012 21:11

Nooo

If you have the money just take a 6mo contract on a rental house. The builders will probably overrun anyway...

LadySybildeChocolate · 30/07/2012 21:13

Can you get a caravan and live in the garden?

K999 · 30/07/2012 21:17

Has your SIL invited you to stay?

Original poster
Ghanagirl · 30/07/2012 21:18

I'm going to show these to my DH as he has said (through gritted teeth) that it's up to me but keeps giving "helpful" suggestions on how we can make it work. The other thing is that he's the baby brother out of 5 sibs and she's the oldest girl and culturally ( they are from Ghana) this matters

OP posts:
DontmindifIdo · 30/07/2012 21:19

I would live in a tent in the garden before doing this. Say no to DH, that's not an option. So look at other options. I agree with LadySybil that a good caravan in the garden might be worth looking at - when does the work start? If it's after the holiday season you might be able one cheaply.

Original poster
Ghanagirl · 30/07/2012 21:20

K999, I haven't asked her but she has hinted that it would be lovely if we moved in

Unfortunately we live in London the garden not big enough for a caravan but it's a great idea

OP posts:
DontmindifIdo · 30/07/2012 21:22

Ghanagirl's DH - it won't work - your wife and your sister will fall out, and you will be in the middle of it. And your wife will never forget that it was all your idea and she said it wouldn't work.

Pay the money for an alternative, it's cheaper to pay the rent on a flat for 6 months than it is to pay the rent on a flat forever because your marriage has ended.

HeathRobinson · 30/07/2012 21:23

Rent somewhere for 6 months.
Say it's culturally important for a woman to be in charge of her own household here.

HeathRobinson · 30/07/2012 21:24

Oops, missed the Wink off there.

joanofarchitrave · 30/07/2012 21:24

I say this from bitter, bitter experience: if you can't find a place to rent, don't do the extension.

We had 7 months out of the house for our extension (long story). We didn't do much of it with relatives but that bit nearly ended our marriage. Best bit was in a Travelodge tbh because we were beholden to nobody but it was too expensive for the long term. We did some of it in houses that people just lent to us (unbelievably generous); it was bearable but so stressful worrying about damaging their stuff, not to mention moving every few weeks.

Where have you looked for a short-term rental? What about renting two rooms in a house-share?

DontmindifIdo · 30/07/2012 21:41

If it's really not an option to rent somewhere else, could the work be done in two stages? The loft first then the extension so it's not your whole house?

Original poster
Ghanagirl · 30/07/2012 21:47

It would be cheaper and less disruptive to do all at one time. I'm still
Desperately scouring gumtree for places to let, but just really wanted to know if I was being unreasonable, I've just shown the thread to DH, he's retreated downstairs with a tight look on his face but I think he's beginning to see my point.
Thanks everyone
Thanks

OP posts:
GrendelsMum · 30/07/2012 22:01

Isn't there some old saying about 2 women in one kitchen spells a quarrel?

joanofarchitrave · 30/07/2012 22:07

Try your local paper website for places.

3duracellbunnies · 30/07/2012 22:21

Could you retreat to your parents for a while and let him stay with big sis?

2rebecca · 30/07/2012 22:36

Extensions can take longer than expected, ours over-ran by 3 months. ? move house to somewhere bigger rather than extend

joanofarchitrave · 30/07/2012 22:38

3duracell, SIX MONTHS LIVING WITH YOUR PARENTS??

I'm impressed, you must be very close to yours.

3duracellbunnies · 30/07/2012 23:01

Oh no, I wouldn't do it, but then I wouldn't move in with my sister or SIL (well more the BIL). I'd probably just move or rent instead. I do know someone who did move to parents with two small children for a year while her dh looked after the house, builders etc, and she survived. Might be a better option for OP than in laws.

If I HAD to choose I would choose my parents every time cos I can manage 3 days there compared to 20 mins at FIL before I want to throw something, shout it's not fair, you don't understand young people and storm out banging the door!!!

froggies · 30/07/2012 23:18

No no no no no!!!!

Building work, even if you don't live in the house is stressful (have nearly finished my second renovation, this one while living in it) they almost always overrun, there are always problems that need t be sorted, there is never enough money.

Living in someone else's house is stressful, my son and I moved in with my best friend, her DH and 2DS's when I left my husband, it was supposed to be for a few weeks, we stayed 2 years. It was in many ways wonderful (she is still one of my best best friends), but also stressful for all of us, and we were all quite relieved to have made it to the end. And we didn't have any major clashes of personality, parenting styles, lifestyles etc etc before we moved in, and it did take quite a lot of diplomacy (and alcohol) to work through the times when we (or our children) pissed each other off.

I wouldn't ever contemplate staying long term (ie more than a week!) with someone where i could see potential problems before it even started, and from what you said, there are plenty, especially when you add it to the stress of a building project. Recepie for disaster if you ask me!

CaliforniaLeaving · 31/07/2012 01:49

I'd take the kids and relocate to your Mum and he can stay with Sis and come see you on weekends.
That or look for a holiday let, once school hols are over they go way down in price.

IceCubes · 31/07/2012 05:25

I'm of the 'no way' opinion!

How about a static caravan somewhere with an easy commute to London? There are lots of nice places in Kent and East Sussex. It's relatively cheap and would be less than a 6 month contract.

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