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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU Saying no to OH getting a dog

34 replies

TheQueenOfDiamonds · 30/07/2012 18:53

Even though I have one?

My OH wants a dog. We had one that was both of ours, But she has had to go to my mums because for some unknown reason, She has seizures at our house - We think she's allergic to something in our garden, because it always happens when she comes inside. Its never happened anywhere else, and hasn't happened since she's been back at my mums, and mine has never done it.

He wants a large breed though. I keep saying no and he says its unfair because I have a dog, a horse and a tarantula (he hates them all).

My reasons are;

I look after my animals. He's not expected to do anything, except feed his hamster, which he doesn't do.

I don't go away overnight and leave them, and if I needed to in an emergency, my dog is small and could be left with my mum - She's disabled and could not take a large dog. He likes to go home every so often, so I would be left with a large dog and struggle to walk it. I know he would not want to give up weekends away. I am not willing to be lumped with an animal I can't look after properly.

I have suggested smaller breeds that I would be able to care for alone if needs be, but he says he doesn't like them.
AIBU?

OP posts:
WelshMaenad · 30/07/2012 18:57

Why would you struggle to walk a large dog when you can care for a horse? I find the 'my pet his pet' scenario very odd. If you live together, are they not shared pets?

mynewpassion · 30/07/2012 19:00

So he can get a dog as long as its not too big of a dog?

StuckInTheFensAwayFromHome · 30/07/2012 19:00

Nope - I also feel we could cope with a small dog for same reasons as you - easy to drop off with parents in emergency, to go on holiday, take with us but OH hates small dogs - which means we are not having a dog!

feckingnora · 30/07/2012 19:01

as someone who has 2 dogs, yanbu!!
my dogs are from before dp and i got together, so i walk them, i feed them and i am responsable for them.
i recently got some fish but checked with dp if that was ok, he said as long as he didnt have to walk them or look after them then it was ok!

feckingnora · 30/07/2012 19:06

WelshMaenad the 'my pet his pet' scenario is, in my house, because i chose to get those animals and i chose to take on that responsability. DP didnt choose the animals. they are my pets not his! although they love him and he loves them (mostly) i am still the main one who cares for them!

Onceortwice · 30/07/2012 19:08

YANBU. IF he can't feed a hamster, he can't look after a large breed dog - especially if he has to work away.

ChaoticismyLife · 30/07/2012 19:09

feckingnora I've just had a vision of you walking your fish, complete with collar(s) and lead(s) Grin

OP YANBU If he wants a large dog then he has to be prepared to look after it and if that means giving up his weekends away so be it.

BoneyBackJefferson · 30/07/2012 19:17

ChaoticismyLife

like this

gordyslovesheep · 30/07/2012 19:19

he 'can't' have a dog but you can have 2 dogs, a hamster, a spider and a horse ?

TheQueenOfDiamonds · 30/07/2012 19:20

Welsh - Because when you are leading a horse you walk at its shoulder, if the horse fucks around I can throw my weight against it in an emergency. If a large dog suddenly pulls it is a different kind of force, and would rip my back out and get loose.

And no, they are mine, he doesn't like them. On the rare occasion I have asked for help I am told "no its your animal". I bought them, he didn't really want them, so they're mine.

Mynewpassion - Yes, he can have a dog if I can walk it easily.

OP posts:
TheQueenOfDiamonds · 30/07/2012 19:24

Gordy - No, that's not it. He can have a dog provided he either;

Gives up weekends away if its a big dog (Which I know he won't do)

Or gets a smaller sized dog that I would be willing to walk (Which he won't do cause he wants a 'proper dog').

OP posts:
TheQueenOfDiamonds · 30/07/2012 19:26

Also, the hamster is his, and I only have one dog. The other dog was both of ours, but she can't live with us because she's allergic to something and we don't know what it is.

OP posts:
WelshMaenad · 30/07/2012 19:32

Having had a horse and a Dobermann, I can confidently say that the horse required more strength, time and energy and inflicted more injuries. I also managed to control a startled, bolting large gig at the age of 7 when someone let off avgun whilst I was walking him (that was a Dobermann as well). What's he planning on getting, a timber wolf? YABU.

Chattymummyhere · 30/07/2012 19:33

Don't do it! My DH wanted a dog he would do everything for it...

Guess who trained it?
Who walks it?
Who feeds it?
Who plays with it all day?
Who sorted out the vets for it?

Oh yes that would be me!

WelshMaenad · 30/07/2012 19:33

Gig? Dog!

TheQueenOfDiamonds · 30/07/2012 19:38

Welsh - I've never had a problem controlling my horse. I have recently been trying to walk friends larger dogs though, and got dragged around the yard. I just can't do it and wouldn't feel comfortable walking one down the road, complete with toddler and 9 month old baby.

He has said hed like a St Bernard or a new foundland or similar.

OP posts:
WelshMaenad · 30/07/2012 19:43

Do you have the space for one? When you said large breed I was imagining a lab or something! In that case YANBallthatU. Newfies need a large house and large outdoor space, maybe you could dissuade him on that score. Or the drool. Fuck me, do they drool. My former boss breeds them. I've never had problems walking one but they are all trained to within an inch of their hulking drooling lives.

diddl · 30/07/2012 19:50

I think I´d be trying to work out what was affecting the other dog & look at getting it back tbh rather than another dog.

mayorquimby · 30/07/2012 19:53

Why is he listening to you? I'd just get the dog.
Came in expecting to say tabbing as I assumed you didn't like them etc. or didn't want one and I think it's unfair to impose an animal on someone's home if they don't want animals there and also unfair on the dog.
But u have 3 animals, one of which he hates.
Without meaning to be rude, why in the hell is he waiting around for your permission? And why do you think you have the right to say no?

TheQueenOfDiamonds · 30/07/2012 19:55

Welsh - I don't think we do, But he keeps arguing the toss. The back garden is big enough but inside the house I'm not so sure. He then said "well when we move in a couple of years" but TBH it would still be the same as I still wouldn't be able to walk one!

And yes, the drool is another thing. I fucking hate drool. We had a lurcher when I was a kid that did it.

A local breeder invited us over, so he could spend some time around adult saints and walk them. Thinking of taking her up on it in the hopes that they will bring him back down to earth.

OP posts:
diddl · 30/07/2012 19:56

"And why do you think you have the right to say no?"

Because OP´ll be the one looking after it?

Chattymummyhere · 30/07/2012 19:57

Forgot to add we now have two German Shepherds, 2 kids, 2 rabbits and a massive fish tank.. I look after all

TheQueenOfDiamonds · 30/07/2012 20:01

Diddl - No one knows. We think its something that's been put on the garden before we moved here. The last time she had a seizure though she bit my dogs face during it - I can't risk that being one of my children so it is better for her to be at my mums. My mum loves her anyway, it was always agreed that if we ever couldn't have her my mum would do.

Mayorquimby - I haven't said no to him having a dog, I've said no to him having a dog and leaving me to look after it. Of course I have a right to say no to looking after something myself!

If he gave up weekends away etc, he could have the dog.

OP posts:
TheQueenOfDiamonds · 30/07/2012 20:05

And yes, i have 3 animals that he doesn't like. i look after them, he doesn't have to do anything for them. I get told its my animal if I ask for help, yet he wants a large dog and to leave me with it for jollies with his mates.

I have once asked for help with my horse, only because I was so ill that it would have been dangerous for me to do it alone.

OP posts:
WinstonWolf · 30/07/2012 20:10

Why would you even consider getting another dog if there is something in your home/garden that has caused a previous dog to have seizures? Confused

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