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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WIBU to just tell my sister to piss off now? Tongue in cheek

29 replies

anditwasallyellow · 30/07/2012 13:11

I'm not really going to be just need to vent and see if anyone else thinks she's being as unreasonable as I do.

She's getting married a 3 hour drive away and ever since she announced this it's been one thing after another. I'm a bridesmaid and my ds is a page boy.

First thing she announced was that we would have to all come down to the village where she's getting wed for almost a week. Reason being the rehearsals are to be 4 days before the wedding (she needed this because she has other things e.g a birthday party in between) and she'll need help preparing etc. It wouldn't really make sense to do the drive back and fourth so it's meant a week off work and paying for travel and accommodation.

Next thing she did was told me she wants me to grow my ds hair for the wedding as it's 'disgusting' as it's too short. She had a hissy because my brother and sils baby was due around the time of the wedding and she wsn't happy that they'd planned this knowing that she was getting married.

Then there was the hen night's', she initially wanted 5. She asked myself and her best friend to organise this but after deciding that her friend ideas were too chavvy and I was being too particular about leaving ds or going too far away she booked a weekend away which was over £100 this caused a row as I said I wasn't too sure if I could afford it or if I'd have anyone to look after my ds for a whole weekend. She started demanding to know what I'm spending my money on and questioning my costing for everything such as telling me I could buy my ds whole school uniform plus shoes for £12. I did work it all out and go and then ended up having a bump in my car driving everyone there because my windows were all steamed up and everyone was moaning at me not to open the windows as they were getting wet and not to demist the windows as they were too hot, direction giving was poor 'oh no sorry you were supposed to go left there'. The other driver left the scene so I am left with a bill to get my car repaired.

We've had dress fittings (18 miles away), hair trails etc almost every other weekend which has meant that I've missed nearly all of my ds football lessons I put my foot down and asked for the final fitting to be a later time so that I could make it to football to which she rolled her eyes and made some remark about everytihng revolving around me. But then the week later told me I'd have to meet her at 10.00 because she had to drop her sons girlfriend at work before the fitting meaning I'd still miss football! Then she changed her mind and said that actually we didn't need to do that then on the morning of the dress fitting I got a phonecall from her son saying she was too hungover and was throwing up, result of her 3rd hen night so couldn't go and I'd have to drive myself and other 3 bridemaids there. I said no way after last time as I wasn't confident driving somewhere I don't know where it is in my damaged car, brakelight was out wouldn't have chance to sort it, I'm a nervous driver at the best of times so everyone went huffy with me. In the end my dp agreed to take me in his van after he basically went mad saying that if her wedding was so important she wouldn't have got so drunk and we've done enough, sister and other bridesmaid got a lift sister stayed in car with a bucket on her lap for throwing up and then pulled a face when we hung the wrapped dress up in the back of the van it's a brand new van fitted with shelves nothing was really going to happen to the dress and said she'd better take it with her. I said to dp no way she'll probably forget to bring it to the wedding and expect me to drive back to get it!

I've also been asked to look after my two neices aged 3 and 4 for the week as it's looking like their parents now can't make it due to money. I've said no and I'm sure if they can't make it I'll never live it down. I just don't want to do this as my own son is handful enough and my dp isn't meeting me there until the wedding day so I'll be on my own plus it's a one bed hotel so will be squeeze enough I'll share with ds then ds will go in an airbed when dp comes.

OP posts:
MrsKeithRichards · 30/07/2012 13:14

Fun fun fun!

Lambzig · 30/07/2012 13:18

Hilarious, is she always like this?

OneOfMyTurnsComingOn · 30/07/2012 13:19

Ouch! I can't believe you've been so patient!

anditwasallyellow · 30/07/2012 13:23

Pretty much yes but somehow I've found myself apologising a lot.

I forgot to add she also keeps asking me to type up her uni work because she's so busy I've offered her numerous days and times to help but she doesn't turn up, then one night she was going to come I said could we leave it as I was tired from work she got huffy with me.

OP posts:
IvanaNap · 30/07/2012 13:24

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futureunknown · 30/07/2012 13:25

Wow she has got you wrapped round her little finger hasn't she! Unbelievable. Remember that old MN stand by- no is a complete sentence. You don't have to discuss your finances with her, you don't have to be a babysitter for anyone and you certainly shouldn't be spending your money and time on all this guff.

It all sounds over the top and stressful. Let her do what she wants and step back.

IvanaNap · 30/07/2012 13:28

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maytheoddsbeeverinyourfavour · 30/07/2012 13:31

I am Shock at her behaviour, but I am more Shock at you going along worth it all!

So what if she has a hissy fit? It sounds like she will anyway as nothing is going to please her so start standing up for yourself

People like this only do it because they know they are going to get away with it

IvanaNap · 30/07/2012 13:33

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anditwasallyellow · 30/07/2012 13:34

She is 37 I am 28.

I am very reluctant to stand up to her as in the [past it has led to tears and screaming rows.

A few years ago I was supposed to take her son to New York he was about 15 at the time, I was pregnant at the time but didn't think this would be a problem. I ended up having various probably during my pregnancy looked like there might be a possibility of prem labour and doctors advised me not to fly. Because of this I cancelled but as it was backed up by the gp we got all the money back on insurance. I was really sorry and gutted but said that after baby was born we could re book it and go then I desperately wanted to go myself and take my nephew. But she hated me for it and for letting her son down, she told me at the time she hated me I should never had planned the baby knowing that we had the trip, she screamed down the phoned that everyone had been better off before I was even born, she ended by telling me she hoped me and 'it' baby would be very happy and didn't speak to me for months. She also got a big loan off my brother so that she would take her son straight away then moaned when she got back that it was crap and overrated.

OP posts:
TheHappyHissy · 30/07/2012 13:35

Take the tongue out of your cheek and tell this horrific woman to fuck the fuck off and not to come back until she's done so.

You're being the worlds largest mug.

SirBoobAlot · 30/07/2012 13:36

Bridezilla. Say NO loudly and clearly.

OneOfMyTurnsComingOn · 30/07/2012 13:37

Start standing up to her, little bits at a time. It will get easier.

IvanaNap · 30/07/2012 13:40

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This has been withdrawn as this poster has privacy concerns.

EldritchCleavage · 30/07/2012 13:44

Stand your ground, but be smart about it. I can see that you don't want to be blamed for her having a meltdown and ruining the wedding, but please, detach from this appalling woman. Please, stop caring about what she thinks, says or does. She is quite happy to hurt you, from what you say in your OP.

I think you have posted before about the nieces, no? The suggestion was that she paid for your brother to go so he could look after his own children. That is still the best solution, so I would invite her to do that. Whether she does or not is less the point than deflecting the focus from YOU having to make it happen for your nieces and on to HER having to make it happen. It is her wedding, after all.

And I sincerely hope she didn't say your DS's hair was 'disgusting' in front of him-that would be awful.

HugeMedalTally · 30/07/2012 13:44

Yellow, what does she actually add to your life?

Okay, you can't pick your family, but you don't have to let them treat you like shit, either.

SaintsFever · 30/07/2012 13:46

I remember the thread about your nieces have you ended up having to say yes to that?

Also as pp said she is Bridezilla and needs to be told no sooner rather than later.

Also who needs 5 hen nights????

anditwasallyellow · 30/07/2012 13:52

ivana I really don't know, my parents basically say I know what she's like so should take no notice and not take it personally as she's kind of like it with everyone but not so much to their face. And I think that standing up for myself will result in us not speaking again because she doesn't accept that anything she's doing is wrong. I know there is a bigger issue it usually only surfaces at big events like this so a kind of grin and bear it.

Example of how she's like it with everyone we all went to the theatre, me, my mum, sister and her dp and some friends. It was the interval and just before we were due to go back in my mum needed the toilet (she has bladder problems) and my mum has probably never even been to the theatre so wouldn't have a clue, Sister started moanig at my mum about her toilet timing then while mum was in the loo sister was saying to all her friends how you can't take her (mum) anywhere and doing twirly finger to temple insinuating that my mums not all there then went into the toilet knocking on the door telling mum to hurry up.

OP posts:
anditwasallyellow · 30/07/2012 13:56

I did say no to the babysitting, at first she wasn't happy and I got a sarcastic 'oh thanks for nothing' but in the end she did say she knew it was a big ask and it hasn't been mentioned since so I think that she does realise it wasn't on.

As for the paying for my brother I don't think that this will happen as it would be her dp who would have to pay and there's no way he will but I know that this isn't really my problem.

OP posts:
quoteunquote · 30/07/2012 13:56

You really need to set some boundaries or the relationship will become unsustainable,

Write out what will be a convenient timetable for yourself, when it will suit YOU to be available,

email her the information, with a , "This is what I am prepared to do, let me know what off this list you require, I am unavailable for any other requests, this is not negotiable."

If she throws her toys out of the pram, follow up with a email, "I now require a heartfelt apology, in order to participate"

You are in an abusive relationship with your sibling, the only way to change that is to refuse to engage unless, she is respectful at all times,

Be consistent, don't be bullied, and you will set a good example to your child about what is acceptable way to behave towards others, if you keep allowing you sister to treat you in this appalling fashion, others will jump on the bandwagon, and you can change your name to doormat.

Anniegetyourgun · 30/07/2012 14:02

Not taking it personally is one thing; putting up with it is quite another. I can see how it is difficult for you as you've been conditioned to go along with her demands for the past 28 years, but you are grown up now and a mother yourself, you have other priorities than keeping Big Sis sweet (and I say that as an elder sister myself!) You absolutely have to start saying no, for the sake of your own immediate family.

Don't you feel that her not speaking to you would be a bonus?

diddl · 30/07/2012 14:05

She´s like that because people take no notice.

I was so young when I learnt that such behaviour wasn´t acceptable that I can´t even remember!

I would tell her to piss off tbh.

EldritchCleavage · 30/07/2012 14:12

Last time my elder sister tried any of this sort of thing, we were both in primary school, and I bit her. No repetition.
Stop caring about her strops. because what is the worst that can happen, really? She screams? So what?
I know it is hard when you've been conditioned to avoid upsetting her, but just think how impotent she really is. All she can do is scream and shout and once that doesn't work, her bluff is called.

StuntGirl · 30/07/2012 14:50

Good god woman what are you, a door mat? Grow a back bone and stop pandering to her whims.

CotedePentathlon · 30/07/2012 20:06

I take it your son will be getting a buzz cut for the occasion? Wink

OP, in your place, I'd cut all ties and not go to the wedding.