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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

wibu to go on holiday when I can't afford it?

27 replies

qo · 30/07/2012 12:23

Long story short - been having a terrible time lately with depression and crippling anxiety, my 40th birthday is just around the corner and I really don't want to spend it at home for various reasons.

I have a very dear friend in North Wales, she can't put me up (think old woman who lived in the shoe, has so many children etc etc) but is really keen for us to come and stay for my birthday as we haven't seen each other in 2 years. I love her to bits and my little girl loves her little girl to bits.

I know it would be a happy time, and it would be great to just get away from everything here for a bit. My counsellor even said she thought it was a good idea and that although it could be seen as running away, it could also be seen as doing something good for myself. She thinks that having a pleasureable time could in turn give me a bit more strength to face the problems I currently have at home.

Here comes the rub, I have the money to go but need it for other things, other important things, like I'm currently in the middle of decorating which the mooney would be better spent on and I haven't bought my daughters uniform yet - she goes up to "big" school in september.

I could ask her dad to shell out on the uniform and pay him back out of next months money, realistically he wouldn't leave her without and he can definitely afford it.

I so want to just think "ah fuck it" and go, but the worry about money is holding me back, like I'd be doing a very bad thing.

Any opinions?

OP posts:
Original poster
qo · 30/07/2012 12:24

Also forgot to add, I've told the kids I'd take them to a music festival at the end of august, which would be totally out of the question if we went to wales

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Toughasoldboots · 30/07/2012 12:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ithinkitsjustme · 30/07/2012 12:27

Firstly, if you've told the kids you'll take them to a music festival then I think you should at least give them the choice (any chance your friend could meet you there instead?)
Secondly, YANBU to want to go, if can get the money together then I'd say do it, decorating will still be there when you get back. Make sure that your ex will help you out with uniform before going though, and I wouldn't advise getting into debt to go.

Ruprekt · 30/07/2012 12:28

But I think that if your DD's Dad can pay for the uniform then he should!

Could you do a couple of nights in Wales in a cheapy travelodge and save some money?

dreamingbohemian · 30/07/2012 12:29

I think I would go in your situation IF the kids were okay with trading the festival for Wales. I don't think it would be very kind to take that away from them if they already think they're going and are excited about it. Going to the festival would be a fun away trip for you too, right?

Are there other things you can do to save up some money so it's not so worrying?

I have been known to live on beans and toast for a month so I could get away...Smile

emmieging · 30/07/2012 12:30

I agree that you might well feel worse afterwards if you're letting your children down over other things which are needed/ promised.

Can you use your time off to organise some cheap or free days out? Picnics and other things can be just as much fun as spending out on travelling somewhere else.

Original poster
qo · 30/07/2012 12:31

I wouldnt be getting into debt to go, I have enough to do the trip, but that's it.

we're about 3 hours away from North Wale and my friend runs her own business - there's no chance she could meet us at the festie, I would definitely say to the kids that it's either this or the festie. Ditto making sure dad would do initial pay out on uniform.

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Imperial · 30/07/2012 12:33

Could you camp in your friend's garden?

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 30/07/2012 12:33

Give the kids the choice of the trip or the concert, and talk to your dds Dad about splitting the cost of the uniform.

Original poster
qo · 30/07/2012 12:35

Imperial, that's a good idea but as I don't drive it would mean lugging our tent and air mattress as well as luggage on the local bus, train and national express coaches - I'd rather not go at all than face that stress Grin

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Original poster
qo · 30/07/2012 12:38

Outraged, he is already going to split the cost that's been pre-arranged, it's just if I go away he'd have to pay for the whole lot and I pay him back this time next month.

My anxiety is holding me back from doing things locally, I have a social phobia that is very much connected to the area I live in and the people who live in it.

I'd just love some breathing space and also to enjoy my 40th birthday if at all possible, which is why I'm considering a break I can't really afford. Under other circumstances I'd just suck it up and accept I couldn't go.

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SirBoobAlot · 30/07/2012 12:39

Go Go Go. You know what, money is temporary, happiness is much more important. I'd see if you could sleep on her sofa, tbh.

And why can't he just pay for DDs uniform anyway?

Original poster
qo · 30/07/2012 12:42

He already contributes a lot financially, pays maintainence every month without fail and splits the cost of any extras without question.

I don't think it would be very fair of me to ask him to pay for the whole lot, he plays fair with me I'd like to do the same for him.

But thanks for the "go go go" bit, I need a push if I'm going to go and I sooo want to go!!

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Viviennemary · 30/07/2012 12:44

If you're not sure, why not ask the kids what they'd rather do and take your cue from them. It's a difficult decision but on balance if you really want to go the holiday and think it would do you good then I'd say go. And can't he go half with you on the uniform and that would help a bit.

Original poster
qo · 30/07/2012 12:45

Just realised I've made it sound like I'd pay him back the whole lot, I just meant my half of it - sorry for not making that clear

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dreamingbohemian · 30/07/2012 12:45

Could your friend ask around locally to see if anyone she knows has a tent and camping stuff?

I'm not sure it's totally right to say you can't afford it -- you wouldn't be going into debt, it just means putting off decorating a bit (which is hardly the same as not being able to put food on the table).

I'd think of it more as: you had a plan for one holiday (festival) now you'd like to do a different one (Wales) if your kids are okay with it.

ENormaSnob · 30/07/2012 12:48

I think you should ask the dc if they mind missing the festival.

Disagree that ex should foot the whole uniform bill but can't see the harm in asking if you can owe him.

squeakytoy · 30/07/2012 12:51

Is their Dad taking them away anywhere this year? If not, then could he contribute to this trip for them?

Original poster
qo · 30/07/2012 12:57

Thank you dreamingbohemian, she has asked on facebook if anyone knows anywhere cheap we can stay - currently looking at late deals on privately owned caravans. I also know someone with a privately owned caravan in North Wales, probably wont be available as I've left it so late - but I'll keep trying(have rang them but no answer)

He isnt squeaky, although he has done a couple of day trips already. but I think the most I could hope for would be some spending money, as reasonable as he is I'm pretty sure he wouldnt contribute to my holiday iyswim?

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attheendoftheday · 30/07/2012 13:19

Sorry, but I wouldn't go. The stress over money would ruin the holiday for me.

I think it would be unfair for you to spend your half of the uniform money, could you check with your ex beforehand if he'd mind paying and being paid back? To just leave him with a bill he isn't expecting so you can go on holiday would be unfair.

Original poster
qo · 30/07/2012 13:26

As I already said upthread attheendoftheday, I would definitely be checking that with him first. I've said he always plays fair with me and I like to do the same with him.

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Original poster
qo · 30/07/2012 13:30

I've just sent him a text, fingers crossed!!!

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dreamingbohemian · 30/07/2012 15:14

Good luck!

I hope your friend can find something to help you out.

Cocktailsorcakes · 30/07/2012 17:29

Any chance your friend has a tent/camping things that you can borrow (or has a local friend that does)?

Then no need to take it all with you...?

Original poster
qo · 31/07/2012 19:17

It's cool, everything's been sorted and we're off on Saturday!!! :) :) :)

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