AIBU to not have an empty diary waiting for parents visit?

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My parents are retired and live about 200 miles from me. I work 3 days a week. Dh works full time. We have a 20 month old DD. My parents visit approximately once a month and stay for 2 nights. DH and I don?t have a particularly hectic social life, but we do have the normal things in our diary like catching up with friends, weddings, christenings etc.

My parents have claimed I dictate when they can come and visit. Personally I think a weekend visit approximately every 4 weeks is ample, and yes sometimes we have to say no to the dates they suggest as we have things in the diary, but we always suggest another date. They have nothing in their diary. Ever.

AIBU in daring to have a life and not be sitting with an empty diary waiting for their visit? If I am not being U, how on earth do I get them to understand this and that once a month is acceptable?

They are being silly. Can't you just have a chat with them and tell them that you enjoy their visits but have other things going on in your like anyone?

My inlaws are like this. I don't understand it so have no words of wisdom to offer but I wanted to say you are not alone.

I have taken to just putting dates in my diary and letting mil know when they are (ie just given Oct, Nov, Dec dates to her) with a week to say if they are not suitable. And then I fill in round them.

I think people fall into two camps - the ones that are confortable planning stuff 6-9 months in advance and the ones that aren't. Nowt wrong with either but I don't think you can get them to change easily. I have just about learnt to stop hyper ventilating if we get invited to a bbq the next day!

YANBU, but you are on to a losing battle if you want to try and make them understand. Go for just getting them to accept it, whether or not they like it or they understand is a different matter.

Could you get their visit dates in the diary further in advance so they have it to look forward to and you don't plan anything for those dates?

YANBU - As the hosts it is your right to dictate when they visit.

I just thought that all parents did this! Nothing unusual, just stick to your guns. Give them a list of convienient dates and work around them - and yes, once a month is perfectly reasonable.

YANBU. When we lived in England MIL (who lived 2 hours away) took to phoning at the beginning of the week and announcing that she was coming to stay on Friday " for the weekend". If I said we had other plans/it wasn't convenient she would put down the phone, then call DH at work and say the same thing without mentioning that I had already said no!!!! This was happening every 2/3 weeks.

I actually got on OK with her when I saw her every six weeks or so, the refusal to take no for an answer then arriving and sitting on her arse for the weekend expecting maid service was the beginning of the end of our relationship. Ir's really worth trying to negotiate something that works for you BEFORE it ends in resentment.

I agree with Sunny, this is what lead to a full breakdown in relations with my pil. I am expected to have nothing planned ever and be ready to welcome them and run after their backsides at a seconds notice.

When they visited at christmas they informed us they would see us on 'insert date'. That date was our wedding anniversary and we had arranged a weekend away. They huffed that they had already booked their flights and hotel and so would be in the are regardless... and sure they would see us!
Dh changed our weekend away and then they cancelled two days before they were due to arrive and said they would be down 3 weeks later. Dh said we had plans and were not changing them gain. Mil didn't call us for 8weeks!

I agree they ABU.

You could help them by explaining that as parents yourselves it's really important to have a life of your own, so you take opportunities whilst you can.

Personally I love it when mine are on holiday, which they often are, they're having a nice time and I'm not feeling guilty for not ringing/visiting.

I'll miss them when they're no longer around.

Why don't you tell them they can come whenever they want?

E.g. Ooo, the 5th, yes that's fine with us. But we're going to Pizza Hut that evening with friends so we'll leave the key outside so you can let yourselves in, and then on the Sunday we're going to a large family picnic in our local park, so if you could bring suitable clothing for an afternoon in the rain then that would be grand.