To be a bit terrified that stbxh is taking me to court over change of access?

[washingonawednesday]

Ok- deep breath. Ex has suddenly decided that he wants to completely change the way he sees our son. I don't think it'll be in his best interests at all (in fact I think his plan is appalling!) and I'm pretty confident that the judge will see it that way as well, but I'm still panicking!

I've never been to court, have no idea of the process, really don't want to do this, but I have to. I dont even watch any of the law dramas on tv! Also I just scrape over the legal aid entitlement and I really can't afford this. I've tried to talk him out of it but he won't listen. I'm worried that as he's super intelligent he'll talk his way into something that suits him down to the ground, but is totally detrimental to my boy!

Help!!

Has he said what he is suggesting? Can you validate why it is an appalling plan? Why does it have to go to court, why cant you have a civilised agreement between you both?

Could you not try family mediation before court? I think courts would want to see that mediation has been tried first anyway.

Is his plan still as per his ridiculous thread a whole back? So no contact for 6 weeks and then a week with him?
I don't think a court will see it as in the child's best interest either.
I don't know if it still exists but google 'Mackensies friend' - it's some kind of mechanism for people to self represent, which might be useful if you can't afford full legal representation.

Sorry for typo..'a while back'

Has he threatened or is he actually taking you?

Oh yes I remember, if its 6 weeks no contact then a week at his I can't see a court agreeing. It won't work when he starts school and nursery

I don't want to hunt out the other thread, but is there distance involved?

It was at least 300 miles!

He's seeing his solicitor to get the ball rolling this morning apparently. Thanks for the tip about self representation, but this is too important for me to bugger up by doing it myself - as I said I've got no experience in any of this at all. And yes- whatever is put in place if he gets his own way will be for a max of18 months anyway as pre school starts at 3 and then school at 4.5 years old. I pointed this out but he seems set on cutting off his nose to spite his face. So much so that he has cancelled his access visit this weekend as he needs that money for his solicitor!

he has cancelled his access visit this weekend as he needs that money for his solicitor!
Sorry I've no experience with family courts to help you out here, but please keep a diary all access, visits, changes like the above etc. Get a notebook, if you haven't already, and note everything down in one place.

I can't see him cancelling a visit going down well. Keep a record.

God almighty he sounds like a tosser. Cancelling his visit in order to get his own way! I can understand you being concerned but i think in the long run common sense will prevail here. This does not sound like a good arrangement.

I can see the logic if the child were older, it would make sense to have one week in six (eg school holidays) - the travelling must seriously cut into quality time for both father and son - but for a pre-school child? madness.

There's a lot of steps to go through between his threat and actually standing in front of a magistrate - so don't panic yet!

There is a requirement that he and you each attend a separate INformation and assessment meeting with a mediator before the court will consider the application.

Then, even if you get a court date, there is lots of to'ing and fro'ing between solicitors, CAFCASS and the like before the hearing. The first hearing is often nothing more than an order from the Court to CAFCASS to write a report - which will take several weeks (they might talk to the DCs as well as you and your ex).
The actually decision could take up to six months to get to!

Once your stbxh has heard what Disneymum has just said it may well put a whole new complexion on things for him. Once step at a time, and don't let it grind you down.