To not want to go to Ireland

[KnifeySpoony]

Split up with Partner when I told him I was pregnant with our son, who is now 14 months old.

Since ds was born he visits us several times a week, gives ds bath and helps put him to bed but usually stays for no more than an hour.

Our relationship is usually quite strained, he was'nt around at all when I was pregnant and I had no idea if he would help raise ds. He is often late for visitations and refused to pay maintenance for the first 5 months after ds was born.

He visited us over the weekend and all he did was criticise how clean my house was (ie that he did'nt think it was particularly tidy). I'm here on my own and do chores all day while looking after a very active toddler so the house is as tidy as it possibly can be under the circumstances. It is not unclean, just abit untidy with toys and stuff strewn everywhere. Anyway, his comments did'nt go down too well. He is always putting me down, needing to be right and generally makes me feel quite small.

Anyway, he has for ages said that he would like the 3 of us to go to Ireland to visit his family. This would involve staying with his mum who I have met a couple of times. He says he wants us to go for 2 weeks. The idea of spending such a long time with him and his family makes me balk. His family rarely take any interest in my ds, and I think why can't they ever come to the UK to visit if they want to see Ds? He also does'nt help me with chores or anything, why should I put myself out for him?

well I wouldn't go.

Why would you?

Perhaps faamily members who are keen to meet your DS could come to you, stay locally, could you accommodate that?

Anywaay he sounds very annoying whining about your house and so on. I'm sure your house is lovely, mine is a tip!

Ireland. I've been. It rains. A lot. YANBU

If he doesn't like your house he should start doing his visits with Ds out and about and in his house. Rude sod!
I wouldn't want to go stay with his family either, they can come and see him if they are that interested.

Its true. I live here. It rains. All the time!!

Seriously though, sounds miserable. Why put yourself in that situation for two weeks?

Will you allow him to take the child by himself?

What about going for a weekend? two weeks is a long time! or perhap tell him that they are welcome to come and visit for a few days but you will not be going for a fortnight. with regards to the way he talks to you and makes you feel- you need to put a stop to that now or it will only get worse so next time he criticises you or your home tell him that if he can't be civil to you you will not entertain a conversation with him. then tell him to fuck off.

No way would I be going in the circumstances you describe. As for Ireland though, it's fab

You' re dead right not to go, I bet he hasn't told his parents that you've split up. Why else would he be pressuring you (his EX) to go to play act happy families at his parents house.

Your ex in laws wanting to see the baby is not your problem, its their problem. if they really want to see him, let them get off their lazy arses and come to you. As for your ex I wouldn't accommodate his whims for a second, cheek of him. Tel him youre not going.

And it does rain, a lot!

I wouldn't go for 2 weeks under those circumstances, no way. A long weekend, maybe - but certainly not 2 weeks.

I can't see the problem with him wanting his parents to see his son - that sounds like a good thing overall - admittedly, they could come over to see you but perhaps they're not the travelling kind (lots of people aren't!)

So - I would offer an alternative of a long weekend but then only if he treats you with a level of civility and respect that seem to be missing at the moment. And if he can't manage that, then he can just wait until DS is older.

In all fairness though, once DS is older, he might want to take him to Ireland to see his grandparents on his own - so you may as well go with him the first time so you can see what the situation would be like.

I would agree to a long weekend but I would be telling him he has to pay for you and DS to be in a B&B or somewhere similar.

Ireland itself is a beautiful place, even if it does rain all the time.

I live here not only does it rain all the time but you get at least 2 seasons in a day. Sunny and lovely then lashing rain and grey clouds then sunny again but kind of cold. I have been known to have sunglasses on and umbrella up or winter hat on at the same time.

I wouldn't go in your situation if you will be stuck there with his family I'd find that hard. Would be different if you had a friend there you and ds could stay with and he could stay with his family. Then just visit for a few hours at a time.

Nothing to stop them coming over to the uk they could stay with your ex or in a b&b.

Ireland is nice place and everything but if you go go for a holiday and see the grandparents sometimes not a trip just for that sole purpose.

Sounds to me like he has way too much control. I feel you need to be setting ground rules, and commenting on your home is rude and unecessary. As for visiting Ireland, is he looking to play happy families for his people? It is too much too soon. If they are so keen to see your DS then they may visit first for a day or two, staying with your ex. and depending on how things go then consider a very short trip to Ireland. Thats my opinion anyhow. And yes it is constantly raining here, except at this moment the sun is shining, because I'm in work.