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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Racism teens and parks

22 replies

BBwolefs · 29/07/2012 19:32

the park today a kid of about 13 was behaving awfully to an asian lady. She was dressed in traditional wear, just pushing her DD on the baby swings, this kids was doing what i think her perceived as "gangsta" bobbing about to non appropriate music and started to go between mother and child, in
What seemed to Me an agressive and certainly unpleasant way. I just saw red. Shouted Oit! And marched over an gave him a right mouthful about racism and acting a prat. I was so bloody angry as he was blatantly picking on this lady who was slight anyway and you could visibly see she was uncomfortable, the only difference in her was that she was asian. I walked off to collect my DS, still raging. He then mouthed off to his friends about that "nosey fat bitch" at which point i returned told his friend he was a racist prat and that racism was not ok, and that they should consider changing their friends! Dp then told the offensive child to apologise to the lady and leave etc. he told DP to fuck
Off. Charming. I then apologised to the lady as i was acutely aware that i may have embarassed her. Thankfully she said thankyou not go away you interfering cow. At that point two other parents approached and said they were about to say something.
I appreciate that all teenagers may swear away from parents but this behaviour was more than that. WIBU?

I thought when home that perhaps I over reacted, perhaps I should of been more calm but this young mans behaviour was so disgusting, the little girl was visibly upset at the way he kept coming between her and her mum. Im not what id think of as racially sensitive an i brought up racism as the only difference between her and the other parents was that she was asian, she wasnt on the end swing, there was another slight lady to the side of her.

This isnt a stealth boast either, but id just hate to think id rollicked the kid when others would
See it as japes or whatever, and its still on my mind. The lady looked so grateful and relieved when I spoke to her which made me feel worse as she was just trying to enjoy the park she shouldn't have to fear being harassed.

OP posts:

MirandaGoshawk · 29/07/2012 19:36

Well, you say that the lady was grateful, so it sounds as if you did the right thing. Well done! It takes guts to stand up to teens sometimes.

JumpingThroughHoops · 29/07/2012 19:36

This is going back a few years, and elderly Asian gentleman was in the local park, sitting minding his own business when a group of youths started tormenting him (mithering on about the taliban). My son came home to get me, but by the time I'd got there he, and they, had gone.

There are bigots and fools everywhere.

It isn't "japes" it is ignorance and has no place in our society.

WorraLiberty · 29/07/2012 19:37

I think it's obvious even to you that you were not being unreasonable

Read your OP back

Original poster

BBwolefs · 29/07/2012 19:41

Thanks. Its hard when you were there, in the moment not to mention pregnant hormonal and hot

Makes me wonder where they have learnt that such discrimination is ok. Its a double shame as plays to the fear teenagers mentality.

Glad it wasnt an over reaction. Although im embarrassed by the Oit...

OP posts:

RubyFakeNails · 29/07/2012 19:41

It doesn't sound like you were being unreasonable although wtf are 'Japes' is this some craze I have missed out on, please don't tell me its the new planking.

Original poster

BBwolefs · 29/07/2012 19:44

Ruby japes as in. "jolly japes" like Hijinks disclaimer ive been reading DS famous five and have pg brain

OP posts:

Olympia2012 · 29/07/2012 19:49

To be fair on 'teens' he may only have been 11 or 12!

Do you think yabu? As worra says, read your op back..

Original poster

BBwolefs · 29/07/2012 19:53

Olympia id say 13 would be the minimum judging on appearance size of friends etc. Not Unreasonable to challenge the behaviour but genuinely wondered if it was my place as a white person to tackle him
On racism?

OP posts:

Mrsjay · 29/07/2012 19:58

pf course you are not unreasonable and what you did a lot of people would not do , not all teens are like this but some are this isnt acceptable to behave like that. I have challenged teens on behaviour before and more often than not they will look shameful , and BB really why can't a white person challenge racism I dont under stand your point , what if you hear somebody call an old lady a stinking old cow would you challenge that , but if they called the same old lady a stinking old P**KI cow you wouldn't ?

gamerwidow · 29/07/2012 20:00

Of course it's OK for you as a white person to tackle this. Stop over thinking this you did the right thing.

Original poster

BBwolefs · 29/07/2012 20:02

Sorry I meant as the lady was there herself? I wondered if I should of let her defend herself? She just seem Uncomfortable and perhaps a bit shy.

To answer the WWYD question ive such a big mouth and a low thresh hold for intolerance that I would say something again, in both cases. It will probably get me in trouble eventually.

OP posts:

Mrsjay · 29/07/2012 20:02

oopsie BB i didnt read you were the OP of course you should challenge racism as a white person why not ?

Mrsjay · 29/07/2012 20:03

the lady was probably scared of a bunch of kids maybe she couldnt speak p for herself you did a good thing today

thekidsrule · 29/07/2012 20:03

yanbu at all,i think you know that

doubt if it will change lads behaviour though

also what a pratt he is if he was then doing his "gangsta bobbing" i would of thought if he so disliked other colours.creeds hed would dislike the gangsta culture,

hes an idiot op plain and simple

Mrsjay · 29/07/2012 20:04

I am not sure what gangsta bobbing is tbh

thekidsrule · 29/07/2012 20:06

lots of head swerving from side to side for a start,lol

Mrsjay · 29/07/2012 20:07

lots of head swerving from side to side for a start,lol

oh ok I get you now don't get many gangstas in these parts we call them neds

Original poster

BBwolefs · 29/07/2012 20:08

Sorry, i sound so 1950s in my use of bobbing and japes enid blytons fault haha i mean that kind of walking about with the knees slightly bent in a bouncy way? He did look An utter ejit doing so...

Thanks for all your thoughts, im glad you agree, i was just conscious of looking like
An over bearing loon accusing a kid of racism.

OP posts:

DialsMavis · 29/07/2012 20:09

There was an asian man with a very strong accent talking loudly on is phone on the bus recently. I heard a load of teens doing impressions of his voice and laughing... I turned round to tell them off for being racist and then saw they were also asian. i wasn't sure what to do then!

justonemorethread · 29/07/2012 20:24

I think you did the right thing. I taught those kind of teenagers for a brief while, and underneath they are very immature and childish. It may not have shown through his swagger but I would bet quite alot on some of what you said sinking in at some deeper level, children need to have their perceptions and bad attitudes challenged and learn what is acceptable in society.

So you did a good thing when you think of in terms of 'it takes a village to raise a child'

mynewpassion · 29/07/2012 22:08

He was not acting racist. He was just a bully.

manicinsomniac · 29/07/2012 23:41

You weren't being unreasonable but you were possibly a little unwise, depending on the area you were in. I'm just remembering stories like the man who was murdered by a gang of teens for asking them not to swear around his children (I think??) and the student who was stabbed on a train for questionning a man's treatment of his girlfriend.

Brave of you I guess. I don't think I'd have done it.

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