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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think about leaving DH & DC's?

26 replies

extremepie · 29/07/2012 16:50

An opportunity for a job has come up for me in another part of the country and DH & I were discussing the possibility of me taking the job and moving down there ASAP while he and the kids stay here for the time being until I can save enough money to move us all down there.

What do you guys think? WIBU to leave DH & DC's behind temporarily while I save up for a better future for all of us?

DH is a SAHP so he doesn't have a job which could be affected but would it be a good idea?

OP posts:
ssd · 29/07/2012 16:52

no, go for it

BellaVita · 29/07/2012 16:52

I would say to for it. Short term pain for long term gain.

thepeoplesprincess · 29/07/2012 16:52

YANBU. Life is for living, and there are precious few opportunities around in the current climate.

MaryHansack · 29/07/2012 16:52

sounds like a good plan, as long as you and your partner 100 per cent agree on that.

OHforDUCKScake · 29/07/2012 16:54

How long would you go for?

I mean its temporary isnt it. You'd have weekends and holiday, its not like youre ditching them. Youre doing it for the greater good.

hairytale · 29/07/2012 16:55

How old are the DC?

FamiliesShareGerms · 29/07/2012 16:55

YANBU. Though it won't be easy.

overthehurdles · 29/07/2012 17:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HolyOlympicNamechangeBatman · 29/07/2012 17:05

YANBU

Would you be able to get back at the weekends? How long would it be for?

TheCunningOlympicBMXStunt · 29/07/2012 17:08

How old are dc and how often would you get back? YANBU. I think if it's overall best for your family you go for it!

mirry2 · 29/07/2012 17:10

How old are your dc? If you can come back for the weekends I think you should go for it if it's going to be short term eg not longer than about 6 months. You can talk on the phone and skype during the week

BlameItOnTheBogey · 29/07/2012 17:14

I would do this and am going to next year. My DC are 4 and 2 and I will move half way across the world in March for a job leaving DH and DCs here whilst I settle down in the new job and set things up for them to follow. I won't be able to come back for weekends (two overnight flights one way). But my rationale is that this will set us up for the future and although it will be not much fun whilst we are apart it will totally be worth it in the long run.

So my vote is that you do it.

Original poster
extremepie · 29/07/2012 17:17

DC's are 5&4, I think realistically I would probably be away 3-6 months in order to save enough (obviously the shorter time the better :) )

The idea if being away from them so long makes me :( but I do think the job I'm going for is ideal and the area is exactly where we had planned to move when we had the money.

I would probably be working weekends but I could take time off in the week if need be. It would be hard but I really think it would be worth it for what we would gain in the long term!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 29/07/2012 17:31

I would do this

Go for it !

AnyFucker · 29/07/2012 17:32

...and congratulations Smile

Dprince · 29/07/2012 17:34

Congratulations. Go for it. Plenty of dads do it, leaving behind their wife and dcs. Its for a better future, for your family.
I am sure it will be hard but think about how your life will be in a year.

OlivesTorchStreak · 29/07/2012 19:06

Go for it. If you were DH you wouldn't even question it, and as he is the SAHP there will be little upheaval on the DC.

Congratulations!

Lovelynewboots · 29/07/2012 19:20

My dad was often away like this with work when I was little. You have to go for it if you think its the right thing to do.

Mrsjay · 29/07/2012 19:26

many parents work away from home in all sorts of jobs go for it it is for the greater good isnt it Smile

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 29/07/2012 19:29

YANBU. Do it Smile. Congratulations!

QuickLookUsainBolt · 29/07/2012 20:56

Go for it.

You can meet up a weekends/holidays etc?

Jenny70 · 29/07/2012 21:13

Is there ANY chance the company would relocate the family? Even some removals costs etc, to me being "outside" the family for 3-6months is a long time.

I remember my best friend saying she still harboured issues with her mum, as her mum had to be in hospital for months when her brother was born. I think she had bed rest beforehand and he was born at about 30w, so was in hospital a long time after he was born as well as beforehand. She would have been about 5.

She was shipped to her Aunty, elder sister was home with Dad and younger sister sent to different Aunty. All felt abandoned and rejected by this, even though it was unavoidable.

I know different to your scenario, they didn't see her at all and of course no email/skype etc back then.

Also men that work away often find their role in the family shrinking, even when they're back. Everyone is so used to doing things without them, they find it hard to include them when they are there....

Personally I wouldn't do this, but can appreciate that the ideal opportunity in the ideal location is hard to turn down. But I would be thinking really hard how to get the money to move together (or as soon as possible). Running 2 households is expensive too, so saving up to repay a loan (any relatives could help) might be quicker than keeping 2 places and trying to save for them to come across.

Original poster
extremepie · 29/07/2012 23:24

Unfortunately it's not going to be possible for the company to relocate all of us, they might be able to accommodate me but they are only a small company!

Thing is, the rental rates and living costs are much cheaper where we want to go so if I rented a room I could save a fair bit each week.

It's not a definite yet I was just wondering what the general feeling would be about whether or not it is a viable idea!

OP posts:
whatthewhatthebleep · 30/07/2012 00:42

absolutely...you should go for this opportunity....it could mark the beginning of a bright horizon for you all.....

The sacrifice now could bring you all into a better place and future

If you don't do it you will regret it later....for sure....take that leap of faith and follow the road in a new direction

Congratulations and spread those wings!!! Grin

trinitybleu · 30/07/2012 00:43

This is exactly our plan for a relocation. I earn more than DP so I'm looking to go first and he and DD(5) will follow, maybe 6 months later.