To tell my DM to butt out

[ModreB]

DS1 graduated this weekend, at the other end of the UK. 8 of us went down, including my DM, DH, DS2 & 3, other family members, and stayed over the night before the ceremony. DS1's girlfriend came on the train in the morning. After the graduation ceremony, there was a formal lunch for DS1 and a maximum of 2 guests. DS1 said that he wanted his girlfriend at the lunch, which left 1 other ticket. So we decided that DS2 would be the other guest. The rest of us would go and have lunch elsewhere and meet up afterwards.

My DM is now rumbling away, saying that the GF should not have gone to the formal lunch, that it should have been me and DH instead, as DS1 "Has only been with her for a year" BTW they are now living together, moved in about a month and a half ago.

AIBU to say butt out, she is his partner, we don't mind, (It never occourred to us to mind) and that having his partner at the lunch was what DS1 wanted at his graduation!

It's too late now, it's over and done with. Just roll your eyes and go "oh motttthhherrrrr" like a teenager and laugh.

And what would GF have done - hung out with grandma?
No, he did the right thing.

He did entirely the right thing, and so did you by supporting him. His choice who he wants there!

So,YADNBU :)

I can sort of see her point, as I expect you as parents, have been a major support to him to enable him to get this far in his education.

I agree with your DM. I wouldn't say it (hypocrite), but I think it's a bit thoughtless of him. Still, we are a bit thoughtless at that age, aren't we?

squeaky yes, but as bongaloo said, what would she have done? She had not met any of the other relatives before, and they can be a pretty strange bunch. The thought of being on his own with them makes my DH sweat after more than 25 years, let alone a young woman who had never met them before.

I need to sort it as she is quite likely to take it upon herself to "have a word with him", create the wrong impression that we were upset (we weren't) and cause upset all round.

She has a tendancy to make a big drama out of nothing, she goes through life with the attitude "Why be happy and calm when you can have drama and crisis, and she can be at the centre of it"

YANBU and it isn't really your DM's business, especially as she wasn't expecting the ticket herself! He has graduated, not her or you, no matter how much you supported him financially and emotionally, and if you are happy with his choice your mum is just sticking her oar in to stir a bit of trouble up!

... I don't think it's about how long he's been with his GF, it's about recognising the symbolic importance of the part you've played in getting him to this point in his life. Which is rather big.

That said, if you aren't hurt, that's fine. I think I'd be a bit hurt.

And if we had gone to the lunch, it would have been "Oh, you expect me to look after DS3 while you go and party"

My mother's famous catchphrase was 'What's happiness got to do with anything?'

Jamie we are not hurt at all. He knew that before he had decided. My attitude is that if she is going to be a permanent fixture in his life (which it looks like she will be), we treat her the way that I would expect DH to treat me in the same situation IYSWIM.

Good. You are probably right. I have sons and I know it's important not to be one of "those" mums. I've got a few years before this stuff will come up.

On a separate note - you must be so proud!

Thinking about it, I married my BF from college and we had graduation photos done of us together. My, we were confident!. Still together 22 years later

Well done for being so gracious and not making your son feel he has to choose between you and GF.

V nice thing for DS2 to attend. Sounds like everyone got to be part of the celebrations.

Your DM sounds v much like mine. I no longer rise to the bait (has taken me to the age of 53 to be so calm).