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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Are we the nuisance neighbour or are they? Long one, sorry folks.

54 replies

thatisall · 28/07/2012 13:53

Right I could get flamed for this by anyone who has had a nuisance or negligent neighbour and thinks that I am one of those, but here goes.

The background to this is as follows.
We moved into a new build village in February.

We rent because (not that I should feel the need to explain I know) my dh has his own company and needs another year of accounts before we can buy.

We and our neighbours moved in at the same time and through the same letting agent/manager, they are lovely.
We are the middle of 5 houses who have dogs.

We did not have a dog when we moved in.
This is a very noisy street.
Next door the other way (owners) have very very screamy babies ( I think they're using some form of self sooth technique which clearly isn't working) and a yappy dog who goes mental every time I go into my garden.
I have NEVER complained about their noise as the lady seems to have alot on her plate with the dc and dog etc and I figure they must hear us living our ives so let them live theirs.
Next door (owners) have complained to letting agent about next door (tenants) parking and got them in trouble. (my reason for pointing out owner rentor will become clear lol)

The man next door makes me feel uncomfortable as he comments on everything. 'There's a smudge on your windscreen' 'Your living room curtains were left open last night' 'there have been alot of different cars on your drive this week haven't there' I feel watched. I try to be friendly but as a couple hey just seem awkward, but I figure thats just the way it is. The lady next door 'accidently added me on Facebook after searching for me (how I don't know) and then deleted immediately.

ANYWAY back to the issue.
We recently got a puppy :-) The puppy trainer had concerns that we weren't leaving her enough or for long enough as I work from home atm, but i will be going back to the office.
He pointed out that so long as she had food, water and toys and was safe, we should try leaving her for a couple of 3 hours stints a day, ready for when I return to the office. So we did, for a couple of days and all was well. Life officially back!!

At the weekend my dh and I were child free and left her for around three hours in the afternoon from 12.30, returning to find her asleep. We had a nap (getting old) and a wash and decided to go for a drink with friends around 9.30 returning at 12.30 am, again finding her asleep. During the evening while we were at home a dog was barking round the back of the houses, ours was playing with us!

Our letting agent has forwarded a complaint to us which states that we
'left at 12.30 pm and returned at 12.30am.' (we returned mid afternoon until 9.30pm.
'That our dog was barking for 12 hours straight and prevented them from eating in the Garden at Dinner time' We were home with her at that time, she certainly wasn't barking.
'That they are sick of having to complain about tenants and the homeowners association will act if they cant find appropriate people'
'we have discussed this with other neighbours' (it wasn't discussed with our other direct neighbours who rent)
'what sort of normal person would leave an animal in such warm heat'
'we are considering calling the RSPCA'
'yours, a frustrated homeowner'

Now my husband just finds this laughable, but I think its more serious. We are in the process of adopting and I worry as to what a report however unfounded to the RSPCA will affect this.

We have a clean, tidy home, we don't do anything that would disturb them or ruin the look of the street, their home, we don't have parties or listen to loud music. Goodness we are boring!! In short, we are not nuisance neighbours.

Its really upsetting to think that we have been 'discussed' with anyone.
Of course the puppy will have barked for a few minutes when we left, but no more than anyone else's does on that street everytime a car pulls up or in the case of their dog, someone pegs their washing out!

Its worrying that he know the time we initially went out and the time we ultimately came in.

What do I do?
What if this escalates into bigger complaints? I don't want to be reviled by neighbours, this was not our dog barking and we do not neglect anyone in our home.

OP posts:
strugglingwiththepreteenbit · 28/07/2012 22:30

I really feel for you! This vulnerability tennants can face is horrible. I love Hermione's letter too, and recommend you use it. For your own piece of mind you could also go over your rental agreement with the CAB and reassure yourself that you are adequately protected against false allegations. Get up to speed on what is expected of the agency in dealing with complaints and how they could help you if the harrasment continues. Am I correct in thinking that you've not edited the complaint and it was anonymous? So cowardly! I'm cross for you. In my experience though, if you are a good tenant who pays rent on time and looks after your home, your landlord and his agent will want to keep you happy, not whingy neighbour.

thatisall · 29/07/2012 14:14

Yes it was anonymous. I wish I had the email address that it was sent from grrr.

OP posts:
thatisall · 02/08/2012 00:15

Ok so update? Would you like an update?

I decided to take a couple of days to think about things. yes I think they're creepy and out of order but really if I call the POLICE because they made an unfounded complaint to my letting agent, i fear I might look the same way.

So I figured I'd wait a week or so and see if anything happened. Well my dh went away (boys holiday) yesterday and last night whilst dd and I were walking the puppy I noticed a man (with a small dog) stood on the other other side of the road. I realised he was watching us and decided to stop walking and stare straight back (Im ten men when i want to be). then I realised its the man next door.

We carry on walking and eventually he starts walking, still on the other side of the road and in the opposite direction. My dd walks backwards after a little while as the dog keeps tangling her up in the lead and says look Mummy why is that man staring?
I turn round and he is still watching us, just walking down the road, neck craned, staring. I looked away as I didn't want dd to notice I was freaked out, but whenever I had a quick peep back he was still doing it and as we went around the corner he had stopped and was just stood there again, staring.

It really frightened me. I don't know why, i mean what exactly is he going to do? i think it was how bold he was if you like, that he didn't care that we could see him and felt uncomfortable. I played it down infront of dd, said that maybe the man thought he recognised us and wasnt sure but she is 9, not daft and knows that that is odd behaviour from the neighbour.

So, I'm going to take the advice of the mumsnetters that said call the police station obv not 999 just for some advice and we'll see what they say

dum dum dum

OP posts:
geegee888 · 02/08/2012 00:18

Sounds like he is trying to intimidate you.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 02/08/2012 00:34

Does he have a mortgage? If you can find out who its with, long shot I know You can complain about him to them. As a mortgagee he has as much responsibility to behave in a sociable manner as you do as a tennant.
Record every encounter, and hand to the police!

thatisall · 02/08/2012 00:35

Police made me feel a little bit daft :-S Why didnt I call yesterday, what do you want us to do?? Valid questions I suppose.

I don't feel physically threatened, simply because of the circumstances that we're all in, but i do feel like he's consciously trying to me feel uncomfortable or make himself feel powerful and right now i don't have my dh to tell me everything will be ok.

i know I dont want someone going round there, we still have to live here.

OP posts:
thatisall · 02/08/2012 00:37

saggy really?? I didn't know that!

I can only assume that they do but i don't know.

The police have logged it and the local bobby is going to ring me on Friday for a chat about it.

OP posts:
SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 02/08/2012 00:43

I remember reading something about it in the terms of our last mortgage. I suppose, as long as you owe on a mortgage, you are technically a tennant of the mortgage company.

thatisall · 02/08/2012 00:45

the thing is, I take everything to heart. By nature I'm an over-thinker and a worrier and Im worried about going too far with this and making a bad situation unbearable.

OP posts:
tryingtonotfeckup · 02/08/2012 08:45

How would you feel about waving at him and saying "hello, nice morning." Keep it very normal and friendly, it is very hard to try to intimidate and be intimidated if people act normally and say hello. It should also make him feel very silly.

FluffyJawsOfDoom · 02/08/2012 11:26

I'd have walked over and said "hi, I noticed you staring, are you lost? Can I help you?" with the biggest, friendliest smile I could muster - do not let him intimidate you!

thatisall · 02/08/2012 12:25

Both of those suggestions are great in hindsight lol. There was just something so menacing about the whole thing.

I'm currently terrified that they will be close personal friends with the local bobby or something. :-S Everything will be fine

OP posts:
oldraver · 02/08/2012 13:15

Yes I would challenge him if he does the starey thing again but in a nicey nicey way like posted above. It lets him know you have noticed but wont be imtimidated if even it does unerve you

Catinthebox · 02/08/2012 13:27

He sounds like a sad freak.

I would ignore the losers- they obviously have nothing better to do than spy on people and get their knickers in a twist about their precious residents association- who wants to be defined by where they live to that point, especially if it's a stuffy new build place full of other Hyacinth Bucket types.

Put on sunglasses when you go out so they can't see where you're looking and act oblivious- maybe give him a cheery wave and/ or call 'hello, are you alright there?' if you want to make him squirm, but personally I would just ignore it- don't feed the troll and all that.

Be very glad that your escape is on the horizon!

starmaker7 · 02/08/2012 13:52

the RSCPA wont come out unless a dog is left alone for 48hours with no food or water no matt er how much noise it makes :-/ so dont worry about that bit. your neighbours sound a a bunch of snobs tbh but you could always complain to environmental health (they might do this with you so get in first ;0) )about their dog that does bark

starmaker7 · 02/08/2012 13:59

poor thing is probably very miffed that his exclusive new build estate has been invaded by tenants ;0) for some people tenant equals nonworking they dont seem to realise its not always the case

Harleyband · 02/08/2012 14:24

I think you need to have a loud party in your garden very soon! Perhaps invite all the village dogs

JellySwinger · 02/08/2012 14:36

Do you think he just watching to make sure you scooped da poop

thatisall · 03/08/2012 12:20

I think he might have been hoping that we didnt scoop some dog poo, so that he could complain about that too, but alas, it was just a wee lol.

Haven't heard from the police yet and haven't seen either of them since the staring incident. I have however met lots of other really very nice people whilst dog walking. My plan is to be a wonderfully friendly member of the community and try to ignore them.
At least the complaint has been logged should they make any other wild accusations.

OP posts:
anyadvice01 · 03/08/2012 15:39

if you do not want them to find you on facebook you can change your privacy settings.

I would not getting into a discussion about it with your neighbours people like thta feed on the drama. Just ignore them.

SpottedGurnard · 03/08/2012 16:31

thatisall - I know how you feel! On the day I moved in I had a man march up to me and berate me for the heinous crime of proppig open the door of our apartment block while our removals men carried in all of our stuff. He was SO rude and , of course, reminded me that he owns his home and is a member of the committee here.

I keep seeing him and I KNOW he is watching me. It's making me very anxious in my own home.

4LoathesomeBrats · 03/08/2012 16:39

They are creeps & freaks.
I guess you need to document everything that happens that makes you uncomfortable, but also events to do with possible puppy noise, and plan your escape asap

SpottedGurnard · 03/08/2012 16:41

Its not so easy to plan an escape from rented housing as people think. I dont have a spare £1400 for removals and £2000 deposit and rent.

thatisall · 06/08/2012 13:29

It's especially not easy when you've signed up to a lengthy contract and actually don't want to move! lol

OP posts:
theboutiquemummy · 06/08/2012 13:47

I've lived with two sets of problem neighbours one a stalker and one a selfish pig because he has brought his place and liked to pretend he owned our place until we moved in

Write to the letting agent stating that this was not your dog that barked first things first, next time you go out with your DD take your camera phone with you and if he is scaring you take a photo on your phone or alternatively I would have crossed the road said very loudly "Can I help you" . Contact your local bobby on 101 and show him the picture and a diary of everything that has happened up to now.

This type of person is a bully and is just intimidating you but if you feed into it you can make it worse. He is the neighbourhood busy body theres always one Chances are once he's been rumbled he will back off.

Have you tried talking to his wife? is she reasonable ? worth a try