Split up wIth my partner interfering ex in laws

[Jumpingovaries1]

I'll try to keep a long story short I split up with my partner as I found out he was having an affair. We have a 4 year old. He wasn't the most active dad at all would stsy at work late to avoid bath time would have to 'work' all weekend due to his parents VERY questionable business dealings our little one seen them very occasionally.

My ex and I have agreed to keep things amicable for the little one and have made our own verbal agreement with regard to his access and maintenance. Which in the 3 weeks since we have split he hasn't stuck to will cancel then call me up in the morning asking to see the wee one that night. When he does this I always cancel what I have planned as I don't know when he will next call and I want to keep up regular contact for our daughters sake.

But then early this week I got a letter through from the solicitors his dad uses advising my ex would like my wee one a tue and thu night all weekend every second weekend, a week in spring, 2 weeks in summer, a week in autumn and every second Xmas and new year.

When I called to speak to him about he says he knows nothing of the letter and to disregard it he has no intention of going down that route I did suspect his Dad had initiated it to try abd upset me. As he is aghast that my ex and I agreed to change our daughters surname to mine.

Anyway my question is really I would quite like to get something signed up to say that my wee one resides with me and the times we have agreed her Dad can see her. Is this possible or do you have to go through the courts?

I would suggest you get your verbal agreement in writing, preferably drafted by a solicitor. Make sure you have child maintenance in writing too. And stop cancelling your plans, he needs to realise that he has to prioritise seeing his DD, not change in a whim. Obviously if it is a real reason be flexible but not every time.

I am a bit surprised a solicitor would write a letter proposing contact times on the say so of his father. Sounds very strange to me- is he 12???

Maybe he did talk about those times and then decide it was too much hassle (which seems likely considering how bad he is with keeping times / contact etc).

I've been through all this with my ex now for 8 years. I got a solicitor to write out our agreement and I would advise you to go for a residency order through the courts as this states your child lives with you, basically giving you more say over contact times / arrangements.

I would suspect the grandparents are just concerned oer whether they will geT contact with your child given the split but this is (as the law currently stands I believe) down to you or to the childs father to arrange on his own contact times.

Hi thanks and as for him being 12 mental age that's about right.