AIBU not to want to have a party for DS?

[Downandoutnumbered]

He'll be 2. We've just moved house and have had non-stop building work, which won't be finished by his birthday. I'm working full-time, organising the builders and doing my share of the house and looking after DS.

We have to do something because MIL will be so, so disappointed if we don't mark his birthday in some way. I was thinking very low-key tea-party for immediate family and godparents, but DH wants to do something a bit bigger with a few other children - thinks it would be a good way to get to know some of our new neighbours, who have children around DS's age.

I know he's right that it would be a good thing to do, but I feel exhausted at the very thought - we'll probably still have building work going on in one room, we'll have to run around trying to get everything else properly straight (at the moment all our books are still in boxes while the shelves are being painted). I don't mind having family and close friends in a house that's still a bit of a tip, but I can't have the neighbours round for the first time in a house that looks like a bomb site.

AIBU or a killjoy? Come and tell me, I can take it.

I wouldn't. A birthday tea with a cake is a good compromise. Your dh wants a party - is he the type to actually organise it?

It is for him- he really won't mind!

YANBU
Your DS is only 2. He'll be just as happy with your low key party and that's what counts. There will be other occasions for a larger celebration.

Kids don't really care about parties til they are 3 of 4. As long as there's cake.

You can always have a housewarming bbq later on and invite the neighbours.

Why don't you go on a day out and come home and have cake?

YANBU Not at all. A cake, a few presents and a few doting relatives is all you need. Have fun.

If your MIL will be so disappointed then she can have a lovely get together round hers and do all the organising.

YANBU to not want to do it when you've just moved house, or at all actually. I hate organising parties so I never do it.

We went to the zoo with grandparents for DD's 2nd birthday, and everyone loved it.

Is there a village/ church hall you could hire cheaply, or a local park for a picnic?

There's a local park and we did think of that, but the weather's been so dreadful that we couldn't really rely on it!

I don't mind having something v. low-key: MIL is lovely and dotes on DS, and lives 150 miles from us so can't host the party (she would, willingly, I think, if she lived closer), and DS's godmothers are my two closest friends who won't care in the slightest that the house is a pit. But I did nearly burst into tears last night when DH suggested that we upped the ante and included the neighbours. Nice to know no-one thinks I'm BU!

He's 2, and the party is really for MIL, when it comes down to it, rather than him! I'ld see if you could shift the responsibility onto MIL tbh, given the building work going on.

Not really realistic, unfortunately - she's 91 and though she's amazing for her age expecting her to host a party in someone else's house which is also a building site would be pushing it. I really don't mind having a small tea-party for her benefit: she adores DS and his other grandmother isn't remotely interested, and it's a worry that because of her age I don't know how long he'll have her for, but I can't face making it a proper party with people I don't know well.

What about taking a few kids to soft play?

YANBU
A cake, presents, balloons and very close relatives is the perfect way to celebrate a pre-school birthday IMO - and maybe a little daytrip if that fits too. We had us and the children's patenal grandparents (who live just 5 mins away) for the first three years.
Looking back I wish I hadn't bothered at all with pre-school parties - both as the parent of a guest and the parent of the birthday child.

That's a thought: I don't know what there is in the way of soft play places round here (it isn't something we've done with DS) but it might be worth investigating.

Family and close friends sound perfect. I'm sure both your mil and your DS will be over the moon with that. Just say no to your husband! Compromise by having a housewarming with neighbours when you're all set.

Ps that's what we did for DD as she had chicken pox on her 2nd birthday!

That's what I thought, Blackholes! Perfectly happy to have the neighbours in but not until the house is sorted. DH was a bit grumpy about it because he reckons once we've got rid of the builders it'll be too cold for the kids to play in the garden, but I feel reassured now that I'm really not being precious about this.

YANBU.

At 2 years old surely your DS would be happier having cake etc with his family than have a load of children he doesn't really know invited around. There will plenty of chances to have bigger birthday parties in the years to come.