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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to doubt DH's claims to be feeling ill...

34 replies

LJAM · 27/07/2012 17:15

everytime - literally everytime - i get ill, DH tells me he's ill.

today i have cold / flu - nothing serious but i feel lousy and could do with a rest. i'm sneezing constantly, runny nose, sore throat, croaky voice. DH looks fine. not sneezing, nose not running, no croaky voice. but surprise surprise. he says he's ill too. it's the weekend, our two lovely boys need taking care of (aged 6 and 2 - they had their colds last week) and if i was ill and he was healthy, he'd have to take on more of the childcare. but if he's ill, that's a different story, we both have to pull our sorry sick selves out of bed at the crack of dawn and get on with it...

a few months ago, i had gastric flu and was projectile vomiting. couldn't get out of bathroom, let alone take care of kids. DH (who was not vomiting and looked pretty OK to me) said he also had gastric flu and was not well enough to look after kids (aged 2 and 6). put himself to bed. this followed a bout of tonsilitis that i had and eventually needed antibiotics to shift. guess what. DH also developed a sore throat and put himself to bed (though doc wouldn't be persuaded to give him antibiotics.)

maybe it's unfair because he could be coming down with the same cold everyone else has had.

OP posts:
AFingerofFudge · 27/07/2012 17:25

or maybe it's unfair because he is taking the piss

Inneedofbrandy · 27/07/2012 17:29

Aw my nan had this same problem all her married life, there is no cure btw just realise what else is so great about him.

PuppyMonkey · 27/07/2012 17:29

It does sound amazingly coincidental that he comes down with exactly what you have every single time. Why don't you try breaking your leg and see if he comes down with that. Grin

Sorry, but it sounds Hmm of him. Do you say anything to him when he does this?

nickelbarapasaurus · 27/07/2012 17:30

tell him to get to fuck.

seriously - he's not ill, he's taking the piss.

you withdraw to your bedroom with your mobile phone and text him every time you need a snack or a drink.

LindyHemming · 27/07/2012 17:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dprince · 27/07/2012 17:46

Why can't you put yourself to bed first? He is being incredibly unfair.

ImperialBlether · 27/07/2012 17:52

Oh god, my ex used to do this thing where if I had a sore throat/cold I'd hear him clearing his throat as though checking to see whether his was sore.

He's being really unfair. Get to bed, tell the children their dad is looking after them and you're not to be disturbed until half an hour before their bed time.

Rachel130690 · 27/07/2012 18:01

My boyfriend does this. I think it's quite cute. Thankfully I've never been seriously Ill.

But at start of this pregnancy whenever I felt sick in mornings or evenings when I think about it he was always the same.

It's now a long running joke between us. (have no idea what he'll be like during birth)

IShallWearMidnight · 27/07/2012 18:02

Dh tries this a bit - I had a cold which, before it turned into months long pneumonia, he thought he might have as well (but obviously being Much More Ill than I was). But then he realised just what the after effects of my third lot of ABs were like, and decided that perhaps he just had a "bit of a cold actually" and might not need to go to the doctor after all Wink.
OP, does he get stomach cramps when you have your period as well?

Bobyan · 27/07/2012 18:05

What happens if you have period pain?

Bobyan · 27/07/2012 18:06

Sorry x post!

mummyonvalium · 27/07/2012 18:12

If you are also ill you need an equal amount of rest so he can't take himself off to bed until you have agreed who does the morning shift and who does the afternoon shift (and all the other related jobs to looking after children).

ladymuckbeth · 27/07/2012 18:15

Rachel - My boyfriend does this. I think it's quite cute.

I'd like to see whether you still think it's cute after a couple of years of managing it with a child to deal with too. Nothing feels more arduous than having to drag your most ill self around, looking after children as best you can - so I have utmost sympathy for you OP (my DH is similar although not so much of a piss-taker). There is something soul-destroying about the person who is meant to love you so much seeing you push yourself like this when you are ill, and being unable or unwilling to pitch in and help!

Chandon · 27/07/2012 18:21

Rachel, my Dh fainted during labour...

I was pushing way and he as getting all the attention, haha

Original poster
LJAM · 27/07/2012 18:49

DH fainted at both our sons' births. Obviously.

OP posts:
altinkum · 27/07/2012 18:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
LJAM · 27/07/2012 18:55

He's arrived home from work with a bag full of flu remedies. Not for me I'll add. Grrr.

OP posts:
Wigglewoo · 27/07/2012 19:08

My ex husband used to do this.

Note the word "ex".

Its another way of escaping the shared responsiblity of looking after the children.

With hindsight I should have checked myself into a travelodge and stayed there till I felt better. He would have had to "recover" pretty fast.

Jossysgiants · 27/07/2012 19:56

I was in bed with dreadful after pains, an hour after homebirth.
I was nearly crying in pain and ended up on hospital with an infection. Dh came in to show me his mouth ulcer . I kid ye not. Op in my opinion this is about neediness and attention

HecateHarshPants · 27/07/2012 19:59

It sounds very calculated to me. Stick a thermometer where the sun don't shine and if there's no fever, tell him to stop trying it on and look after his kids!

Rachel130690 · 27/07/2012 20:16

ladymuckbeth I'm sure it will get old and I'll be majorly pissed off about it. It will prob do my head in when baby's here.

It's only happened a few times so that's why I think it's funny atm, give me a few months and I'll probably start a thread of my own on this.

I'll maybe have a word before it starts to warn him off.

Fiendishlie · 27/07/2012 20:16

I am another sufferer of this. Boils my piss. I could cheerfully do him in when he pulls this.
I have a headache - he does.
I have a cold - he does.
I have period pain - he has back ache.
etc etc. 21 years he has been doing it.
I test him sometimes by telling him I have a phantom pain or sympton and waiting for him to start suffering. Once I presented him with a sealed envelope one morning and told him not to open it till the evening. I told him I had a headache that afternoon and needed a lie down. 25 minutes later when he told me about his headache I told him to open the envelope. I had written 'B gets a headache at 4:20pm ish'

he didn't get it; just looks at me blankly
he has never acknowledged the problem. I should have left the bastard

GnocchiNineDoors · 27/07/2012 20:21

You need to follow the next few steps:
1 - pack an overnight bag
2 - add in flu remedies, snuggly pjs and bed socks, book and bubble bath
3 - tell DH that as you are both so so poorly it would be bad to spend too much time together passing germs back and forth and as he seems to think its so easy to mind dc while ill you are going to quarantine yourself at the local hotel
4 - kiss all goodbye
5 - leave, conveniently without phone charger so as to use the 'ran out of charge excuse'

MortaIWombat · 27/07/2012 20:21

Oh God, dh does this too sometimes. And managed to faint during the anaesthetist's description of the procedure and risks of an epidural. By the time they'd given him an ecg to check he was ok (as he'd gone v pale and sweaty before passing out), the anaesthetist had had to go deal with an emergency caesarian. No epidural for me, just plenty of gas and air. Bastard husband. Grin

Rollersara · 27/07/2012 20:29

DP does this too. Also if he hears about a new medical condition he suddenly develops the symptoms. I read a lot of scientific papers on healthcare, so once I described some of the symptoms of a new condition I'd come across, and sure enough he developed them.

He had a nasty case of fin rot.