Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

Teenage son, advice needed

23 replies

Lazydaisy55 · 27/07/2012 14:48

My son loves computer games/Xbox. If I let him he would spend most of his time playing on them. I do let him have a fair amount of time game playing each day.
I think he should do something active as well eg dog walks. When he is out he enjoys himself, but always makes a fuss about actually going out.
My dilemma is - should I stop acting like a "cheer-leader" and make him go out, or leave him to fester and go out on my own?

We actually made it to the beach yesterday and had a lovely family day out which he enjoyed. He is 13.

OP posts:

minimisschief · 27/07/2012 14:50

Well when i was that age my mum always made me go out. At that age it isnt cool to be seen near you so thats why he is unreluctant.

As for playing xbox alot i see no problem because i did as a child and now as an adult and still manage to go out so its not going to turn him into a zombie.

larks35 · 27/07/2012 14:52

Restrict his game playing to a couple of hours a day, definitely keep encouraging him to get out more, he'll thank you in the long run. Did you see Tonight on ITV last night? It was about this very subject. Take control.

Olympia2012 · 27/07/2012 14:52

Same here.... Ds is 13

Thing is, they get engrossed and don't realise the day has gone! My ds thinks it's lunchtime still and has the whole day ahead, when reality is it's 8pm and he can't understand why he has just missed eastenders!

I would keep tempting him off it.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 27/07/2012 14:52

Good luck with that!
Set the precedent now, before he grows bigger than you, and you are screwed!

springydaffs · 27/07/2012 14:55

I disagree with minimiss. At 13 I would lay down some groundrules, along the lines of a set time a day on xbox. It's a while since my kids were that age so I can't remember the exact time but not too long. It is so addictive - my boy actually begged me to intervene and stop him and take no notice of the fuss he made.

I don't think they're too badly embarrassed to be seen with you when they're 13. Later, maybe, but not 13 so much.

sugarice · 27/07/2012 14:56

If you can get him off and out of the house and then he actually enjoys being out then you're doing the right thing so carry on in that way.Olympia's right, they do get very engrossed and lose track of time especially when they're online with mates.

Numberlock · 27/07/2012 15:02

My youngest son (14) also spends more time on the XBox than I would like. Especially at the moment (school hols) on the days when I'm at work and he's at home. However, I remind myself that he also does the following non-XBox stuff:

2 x football training sessions per week plus Sunday match
2 x martial arts sessions per week
Volunteering each week as part of DoE
Time at grandparents once a week
Family stuff with me, whatever that might be

So I've learned to be more relaxed about it and on the days I'm off work and at weekends plan stuff outside the house for us all to do together.

I also have two older teenage boys (now 17) who seem to have grown out of the XBox phase and spend a lot more time socialising out of the house as they've got into their older teens, which has also helped me chill out about the whole thing.

I sympathise but as long as he works hard at school, is polite, respectful, reliable etc, then I've come to accept that he's never going to be a boy who's out from dawn till dusk building dens in the woods.

Moominsarescary · 27/07/2012 15:09

Mine hardly ever went out with friends at that age, he's 17 now and sold his xbox a couple of years ago. He still has a ps3 but uses it to watch dvds. He's out with friends far more now as well.

lacroixsweetie · 27/07/2012 15:13

It's a bit like mumsnet. You promise yourself you'll just have a very quick look and 2 hrs later you are still posting on random crap . If you don't start in the first place, it's much easier.
Maybe a summer house rule that there's no Xbox unless the weather is grim until after lunch? Hopefully he'll find something to do in the mornings (other than sleep) and never get sucked in started

Olympia2012 · 27/07/2012 15:14

There is a timer on xbox.... Set it or ask him to?

sugarice · 27/07/2012 15:15

I agree with Numberlock, my ds17 isn't on that much and has grown out of it spending as much time out of the house as possible.

Original poster

Lazydaisy55 · 27/07/2012 15:39

Thanks wise women. I didn't know there was a timer on an Xbox !

He is a lovely boy, works hard in school, is polite, nice manners. He is already taller than me, so I'v missed my chance there.

Sounds as if I'm on the right tracks.

OP posts:

TroublesomeEx · 27/07/2012 15:47

,lacroix you're so right

JumpingThroughHoops · 27/07/2012 15:52

I have to be quite truthful - the ring of death was the best thing that ever happened. I hate the damned xbox (now deceased ) with a passion. I refuse to replace it. It doesnt matter how you think you get age suitable games, they always borrow from a friend. Stay up all night and the language

LeandarBear · 27/07/2012 15:53

lacroixsweetie Soooo true. ( Random crap Is my favourite place to post too)

Annunziata · 27/07/2012 15:54

At 13 I'd still make him go out! I hate when mind spend all day on theirs, they turn into zombies.

BellaVita · 27/07/2012 15:57

DS1 (15) has a "best friend" - called his bedroom!!

I stopped a long time ago trying to get him to go out.

lastnerve · 27/07/2012 16:31

Could there be other reasons?

are his mates apathetic ? are they all skint so they don't come out?

My mum used to buzz around me all the time and actually only the made the situation worse as she made me feel worse about a situation I couldn't change.

Numberlock · 27/07/2012 16:44

A lot of people in RL seem to cling onto the 70s notion of childhood 'when I was 13, we spent all day fishing, out of the house from the moment we woke up till bedtime' which isn't particularly constructive. Like it or not, the world has changed and if the technology had been available back then, teenagers would have been no different in the past.

As long as you can get a good balance, I think it's to be accepted to some extent. At least you know it's similar for a lot of families.

Oh and great that you had a lovely family day at the beach yesterday. We are going to York on Monday for two days so looking forward to that non screen time. :-)

BellaVita · 27/07/2012 16:52

Numberlock, hope you have a great time on Monday, I live in a village about 8 miles from the centre.

OlaRapaceFru · 27/07/2012 17:10

I'm not going off-topic, but there was a thread on here recently about Geocaching. Some people loved it, some people thought it was totally pointless.

I didn't comment on that thread, but presumably it's a way of getting DC out of the house for some healthy exercise - but they think they're still playing 'techy games'.

I've got no idea whether teens can be 'sold' on that idea though.

Numberlock · 27/07/2012 17:19

Thanks Bella, I've had some really good girls weekends in York. Might show my sons the sites of some of my exploits ha ha.

BellaVita · 27/07/2012 17:57

Numberlock

Flip