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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cut out SIL

36 replies

Chattymummyhere · 27/07/2012 11:50

Long story short she has become more and more horrible.

She kicked up a huge fuss days before our wedding about not being bridesmaid (I had my daughter and a friend, my siblings where also not involved), She went around telling her whole family that we had picked the person from next door over her.

On the day of the wedding she was horrible to my mother and some of my other guests, although she did go and get a blanket for my son as he had fallen asleep. Although she left it behind when she left (everyone was told anything left the cleaners would bin), thankfully someone else picked it up and has it waiting for her to collect, we have received lots of abuse over this and hows its our job to make sure she has it back and if she does not get in back by X day she will burn my partners baby blanket.

Well then a few days later a huge text row started where she was saying some horrible stuff about myself and my partner a few are;

"your a worthless twat".. "your a head fuck".. "your not my brother anymore".."your a useless prick".. "at least I work unlike Her".. "You deserve jack shit in life" and these are the tame ones...

She then turns up at the front door and is shouting in the street, my children are in bed, my partner is telling her to cool it and im just sat on the sofa when out of no where she brings my children into the argument, how they deserve better than us etc so that's when I tell her to shut up and leave my kids out of this, at which point my partner slams the window shut blocking her out. Cue then texts.. "how dare you let your 'Wife' speak to your sister like that! Family comes first" and the abuse continued from her until we went to bed (started at about 1pm).

She has always been a bit like this but I just feel now its the straw that broke the camels back type of thing.. She walks around saying my kids are ugly and that she will beat them up etc she is 18 so not just some jealous 12/13 year old and I've had enough but wanted to see if i was BU or not.

OP posts:
ddubsgirl · 27/07/2012 12:00

take copies to police if she has threatend the kids,you are dh family,you & kids come before her,she needs to grow up!

biddysmama · 27/07/2012 12:04

yandu, i would call the police, is she used to bing the baby of the family?

redexpat · 27/07/2012 12:05

I'd apply for a restraining order.

PollyGoHome · 27/07/2012 12:06

She says she'll beat up your kids?! Nevermind cutting her out why haven't you called the police??

pictish · 27/07/2012 12:06

Oh God, make as if she isn't there. Truly.
Can I hear something? No? Oh good...peace and quiet.

She's a troll of a thing. Send her to the dungeons of your head.

sugarice · 27/07/2012 12:09

She's abusive, threatening and doesn't sound like she's going to stop any time soon. You can block her calls and texts but I imagine she'll just turn up at your house regardless.I'd think about legal action if she carries on behaving like this.

Paiviaso · 27/07/2012 12:13

She sounds really unhinged. You really need to stop interacting with her.

I think keeping written records here and notifying the police might be the way to go, in case she escalates.

Original poster
Chattymummyhere · 27/07/2012 12:15

Have not called the police because I know she would never do it, its more than her life is worth but its the fact she says it.

She is the youngest of two children and her parents siblings never had children.

She gets everything she asks for. Her mums birthday she told her mum to take her car shopping for a car that she would get her mother and father to pay for despite being given £1,000's for her 18th..

MIL very much protects her so much so that FIL does not know SIL's bf's dad is in jail for abuse against a young girl, FIL however is very much not liking her playing princess so I think it will all come to blows between the whole family at some point.

She is just as nasty to her Bf

OP posts:
honeytea · 27/07/2012 12:16

She does sound crazy! Yanbu to cut her out.

The blanket thing is a bit odd, couldn't you have just got the blanket and given it back to her? It doesn't excuse her behaviour, but I do think it's a little unfair to not take responsibility for something used to keep your son warm and cosy when he was sleeping.

Also could your DP get his baby blanket and keep it at his house as it is his?

LRDtheFeministDragon · 27/07/2012 12:16

She sounds seriously not well, or on some kind of drug/alcohol. That's not normal behaviour.

I think you should let your DH handle it (he's her brother) but I wonder if other family members have noticed how she is? I get why you'd want to just cut contact but she is only 18 and it sounds as if there might be something quite seriously wrong with her.

Really tricky and scary, though.

WorraLiberty · 27/07/2012 12:17

Surely you mean your Husband?

She sounds unhinged...just call the Police next time.

Original poster
Chattymummyhere · 27/07/2012 12:18

pictish It has been quite this week then I remember FIL,MIL,SIL and SIL's bf are all in spain till tomorrow night!

Well as im not BU, I shall so put it to hubby that Nor myself or the children shall be interacting with SIL at all.. It will make things hard for MIL and FIL as SIL lives at home which means unless shes at work I shall not be going around with the children but, they can always come to my house.

OP posts:
KickTheGuru · 27/07/2012 12:22

My DH has cut his siblings out of his life because they have not supported him adequately.

Blood is NOT thicker than water and it certainly doesn't give you a free for all ticket to abuse your family.

My family needs to accept my husband and if they don't, I choose him. I will never, ever speak to a family member again (or a friend) if they do not support me and the man I have chosen.

The point of being a family member, even if you disagree with the marriage, is to be there. If you are SO sure that the marriage will break down, you can only wait for that and be there to pick up the pieces. Without saying "I told you so".

And if someone ever threatened my kids, they would get a very quick lesson in shut-the-fuck-up

Viviennemary · 27/07/2012 12:23

She sounds a bit barking mad tbh. Still she might be one of these people who calm down very quickly after a rant. I don't think I'd get the police involved now unless it carries on.

Abbicob · 27/07/2012 12:25

Go on Jeremy Kyle

Original poster
Chattymummyhere · 27/07/2012 12:27

honeytea The blanket was given back to her at the reception it was used for 20miinutes and then given back as he was awake, from what I have been told she then dumped it in a corner and forgot all about it, after we had already told her she would need to make sure she picked it up at the end of the night, my parents had left with the children a long time before SIL left.

She used to be a lovely albeit annoying young girl, I don't know if its her age or her bf but something changed. She become a lot more ME,ME,ME when me and my hubby moved out of our parents houses and into our own, she used to pester me to get hubby to go round and see them as he did not wish too, but now im the bad guy in most of it.

I would help her if I knew what was wrong, we have dealt with a lot of problems in my sides family members before, stuck by and helped though drug addiction, alcohol but it does not seem to be any of that with her which leads me to believe she is just horrible or very messed up but wont tell anyone to get help and as we all know we cannot help those who do not want to be helped

OP posts:
notaceleb · 27/07/2012 12:31

she sounds mad as a box of frogs avoid until she grows up and apologised

swallowedAfly · 27/07/2012 12:33

how old are you and your husband?

she's just a kid and sounds really messed up. surely there's some history here that we're missing?

AKMD · 27/07/2012 12:34

YANBU, she sounds unhinged. Standing in the street shouting through your window?! Shock I would get the police involved too.

Salmotrutta · 27/07/2012 12:37

Sorry to home in on a small thing but - why did she have a blanket with her at a wedding?
It sounded like it was her own property from your OP?

I'm just curious ... and very nosy Smile

She sound like a spoilt child though who is viewing you as the evil woman who stole her brother. Hopefully she will gow up.

Salmotrutta · 27/07/2012 12:38

Or even grow up Hmm

Original poster
Chattymummyhere · 27/07/2012 12:48

swallowedAfly We are young we are in our 20's.

The only history I know is that, she used to be a nice girl but annoying at times as all siblings are, shes thinks hubby is favorite or though its clear to everyone else she is MIL's favorite. We moved in together pretty fast as MIL would never let me stay over, so he moved into my mums house then when we was expecting our first moved into our own home together. We have been together for a long time now so it was not a shot gun wedding or 2week relationship. There has always been a bit of sibling rivalry but it what family is there not? She has her bf of 2years I believe it is now and even at the start of their relationship, although not invited to my sons birthday party she brought him along but we made no fuss and just accepted him and in fact get on better with him than we do her now, so its not like her bf has not been accepted.

She did think I did not like her which is untrue and it became a relationship between me and her, where I would meet her on her lunch breaks and she would ask to pop around after school (she stayed on for sixth form) and all was going well as far as I knew until the wedding outburst then this mad texting/shouting outburst.

When we was first getting married (it was going to be a big church wedding) she was told she may be a bridesmaid along with one of my family members but that was many years ago and by the time we did get married it was a small registry office, where no family had parts so to speak (best man was hubby long term friend he was one of the witnesses and my friend was bridesmaid and witness, my daughter a bridesmaid and my son had the rings) , we knew my son would want to sit with her so that's what was planned and my daughter not walking yet would be a bridesmaid along with a good friend (mainly to carry daughter).

But as I said she blew up days before the wedding about not being a bridesmaid and was saying stuff about how she bets we wont even let her talk to our son which was simply untrue he spent most of the day/evening with her dancing around with her.

Only thing I can think of is I know she keeps jokey (well I guess) saying she wants a baby

OP posts:
Original poster
Chattymummyhere · 27/07/2012 12:50

Salmotrutta Yes it was her baby blanket and she brought it in to cover my son up with as he had fallen asleep. The mind boggles as to why her baby blanket and not just a random one and to if its something so special to you why you would not make sure you took it home with you

OP posts:
swallowedAfly · 27/07/2012 12:55

i'm afraid i feel sorry for her.

sounds like she's lost in a jeremy vile world.

holyfishnets · 27/07/2012 15:18

Don't respond to her texts. I think you could email the complete text conversation to FIL, along with what happened the day before the wedding. Highlight that you feel that she needs some support as the you won't accept or tolerate her behavior anymore. Suggest therapy or a family meeting of some form as she obviously needs to talk things through. Maybe she is seeking her fathers attention or maybe just deeply unhappy. Say you all need to find a way forward.