ok give it to me straight

[BlueBirdsNest]

DS1 has just finished a college course and has been advised to sign on over the summer holidays

He may go join university, but that is dependant on his exam results

He has registered as unemployed on Thursday, so will be signing on

But has just signed a standing order for £50 per month for a martial arts class

And is sort of implying he is looking for work that would fit around the martial arts classes.

do I tell him he is deluded and explain how daft it is to spend £50 a month on a hobby when he is, by his own admission , trying to save up for a flat of his own

or do I just leave him to his own devices , where he'll find himself totally skint and unable to even afford a busfare into town within a week

Option 2 will show that he has to learn to budget!
I wish we had an area with lots of summer jobs-there are at least 20, if not more,chasing every job.

Elephants, as the OP hasn't said either way, your assuming he hasn't been taught is just as erroneous as us assuming he has been taught!

However, even if he's living at home, he'll soon learn how much £50 really is in the grand scheme of paying for things. Assuming the OP is making him pay rent etc, which I certainly would be with an 18 year old who stayed with me.

Mine's only 3, though. I don't make him pay rent. Although his grandma did put an awful lot of coins in his piggy bank last time she was here...

I've older teenagers. No amount of telling them that they're wasting their money gets through - they have to learn for themselves and make choices as to what is most important.

Told mine that they need to get small jobs that fit around school - so that they earn for themselves, learn to work around others and learn the value of money - not because I couldn't afford to give them money.

For over 2 years the oldest was always just looking - but it had to fit it around a sport he did - so any application had on it that he couldn't work Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays or Sundays!! And most of the time he didn't turn up for his training/games and was out with his mates anyway. Funnily enough he never got past handing the app in.

So a few months ago told him he would get no more money from me and it would stop completely. Within two days he had a job as a waiter. He now has a sizeable amount saved up and goes away to Uni in September - and the sport has been sidelined.

Yes option 2 will teach him he has to budget, but if he has never been made aware before now that running a flat/house/whatever costs more than the rent then he won't know.
My solution would be to tell him that him that if he can afford to pay £50 a month to martial arts then paying rent at home comes first.

imnot I didn't know about water either, had never heard of council tax at 18yrs old, my parents didn't bloody tell me anything, I thought my rent covered everything! {blush]

Yes Tee I have assumed he hasn't been taught, possibly I am wrong there. That is why I have said he should definitely be paying rent, not just "allowed" to spend his jobseekers on martial arts and left to fend for himself with whatever money he has left.
OP How about you actually sit down with him and go through the figures with him?

I was being a bit tongue in cheek there, Elephants. Sorry if it didn't come across.

I live in a touristy place and ds and his mates have been looking for jobs for months but nothing!

Sorry if I missed it Tee carp night sleep + missing the Olympic bell ringing = me not quite with it

carp/crap? ah feck it.

I would do a mixture of both, try telling him and then leave him to it, I would possibly say to him if he can afford to pay £50 for martial arts he can afford to contribute that amount for rent etc

farfallocks Unless I am mistaken the benefit this young guy would be receiving is job SEEKERS allowance, therefore as long as he can demonstrate that he is seeking work and the jobcentre is happy with his efforts then he is entitled to it. If he was fit and able bodied and not bothering his arse then he would not be entitled to it....

Although if he applies now he will be at Uni before sorted and he will have his student finance!!

the college advised him to sign on , he was getiing £220 a month bursary which stops during the holidays so they said you'd better sign on .

He is looking for a job , sent off about 300 applications , had 2 interviews srill no job as yet

Option two but even if he goes a head with the direct debit has he checked that he's not signed up for a 12 month contract or something so he ends up having to pay it for the next 12 months even if he does go away to university or get a non accommodating job???

it's a standing order Magic

and yes elephants I have sat down with him and gone through figures with him time and time again . Since he he was about 11 and starting first year and built on it every year .

Part of me wants to go 'wtf, you are getting jobseekers, you can't spend £50 on martial arts. Grow up'

Then the other bit of me goes 'well he thinks he know's it all, leave him to it he'll soon find out'

Fair enough, if he has been brought up knowing about budgeting and the cost of living . In which case I would say to him "fab news re your new hobby, this is how much it will cost you to live at home and here are my bank details for you to set up a dd". And then I would leave him to it.