Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

to expect my in-laws to be more organised for forthcoming family holiday

58 replies

autumnmum · 26/07/2012 13:42

We are going away with my in-laws and extended family (14 of us) for a week in 3 days time. We are self-catering but everytime I have tried to raise the subject of how we are going to sort out shopping for food and catering for so many people my MIL changes the subject or says we'll sort it out later. My in-laws are not horrible people but are very disorganised which I find difficult to deal with. We are staying in 3 separate cottages so it's not like we've got one huge kitchen to cook in. I have suggested to my DH that given nobody will make a decision that we take food for us and they can sort themselves out. He won't agree to this but he won't come up with an alternative plan either. It's driving me nuts. I don't want to have to go shopping for 14 people when we get there. To make matters worse my MIL won't drive and my FIL can't drive at the moment so they won't even have a car with them so I can't pack them off to the supermarket.

My MIL is very highly strung (literally lives on her nerves!) and finds cooking for more than 2 a completely stressful situation so it is very unlikely she will cook at all. It was her suggestion we all go away for her 70th and she has paid for it all which is very kind of her. We often go away with my family en mass but we put in one massive Online shop and get it delivered the day we arrive. I've told her this but she just keeps avoiding the issue.

Any (polite) suggestions?

OP posts:

Adversecamber · 26/07/2012 17:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DublinMammy · 26/07/2012 18:03

I would do what WhereYouLeftIt (and others!) suggested and just tell her you are sorting out food for your lot. Get delicious things and enjoy yourself - plenty of wine too, you may need it.

As for future enforced holidays, try this. "No thank you, we have other plans for this year and our holiday time is limited". Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

Good luck!!

SrirachaGirl · 26/07/2012 18:08

Adverse, that sounds like my MIL! Once she hits the martinis has had her aperitif and gets chatting, dinner is never served at her house until gone 10 (even if she's feeding the GC). We always feed the children before going to her house, bless her. She's got the gift of gab.

Original poster

autumnmum · 26/07/2012 18:33

Oh Adverse I have a horrible feeling we might be related. You're not going away with your extended family in the North-West next week are you ? Last time we stayed with my MIL she was in such a state cooking for 4 of us that she said she had got a ready meal instead. This would have been fine except that
the ready meal in question was an Indian takeaway for 2. It was the first time I have ever eaten naan bread cut into soldiers.

OP posts:

SynchronisedSquirrels · 26/07/2012 18:41

Perhaps everyone else is assuming you'll eat out?
I would.
Self catering doesn't have to mean cooking. The most I would expect to prepare on holiday is breakfast.

starfishmummy · 26/07/2012 19:00

I agree with squirrels - we self cater and eat out/have take always. The nearest i get to cooking is pouring cereal in a bowl at breakfast!
On the other hand i have a friend who has done a meal plan and prepared and frozen all her meals to take with her.....

diddl · 26/07/2012 19:17

Well if everyone else is planning to eat out-WHY THE FUCK DOESN´T SOMEONE SAY SO?

Also-OP might still want to have something in for a couple of nights if they/the kids don´t feel like going out.

alphabite · 26/07/2012 19:23

It's a holiday. Just chill!

missnevermind · 26/07/2012 19:25

My shopping would consist of dozens of cartons of juice for the kids, cereal, croissants and pastries, cereal bars etc, bread and butter. Tea coffee wine and beer.
That would be breakfast, brunch and a nod towards the evening essentials.

cupcake78 · 26/07/2012 19:40

Just get basics for you for a day or two, breakfast, maybe a basic tea for the first night. Tea coffee etc, see how the first 24hrs go. Oh and alcohol, you may need it

Bossybritches22 · 26/07/2012 19:48

Agree with cupcake take enough for breakfast/drinks & a supper & take it from there.

Or do a massive online shop as suggested abouve & give them all 24hrs to get back top you with any requests or budget limitations.

Original poster

autumnmum · 26/07/2012 19:58

Alphabite if your idea of a good holiday is driving for 4 hours to meet up with 10 other people and then have to go to a supermarket to argue over who wants what then you are more than welcome to go in my place.

There has been no suggestion we eat out everyday. There are 14 of us, for a week! I'm not a skinflint but I'd be bankrupt after a week of take outs. Can you imagine having to split the bill every night

I'm going with the suggestion I don't mention it again and just turn up with stuff for us, plus huge bottle of gin.

OP posts:

MadamGazelleIsMyMum · 26/07/2012 20:04

OP this would stress me out beyond measure. I think your conclusion is a good one, take stuff for breakfast, tea, coffee etc for your cottage and wait and see what happens when you get there. And possibly stay out of the decision making if it is liable to wind you up hugely. Just have an inner smugness about knowing it could all have been dealt with in advance but no one wanted to make a decision so chaos prevails!

thebody · 26/07/2012 21:15

Op I can't actually read this while thread as it is making me stressed.

I feel for you but agree with posters who say organise yourselves for the first day and then go with flow.

We Never holiday with friends and family, just keep it to me, dh and kids.

If mil books these things and pays for them it's a bit controllIng I think especially as she doesn't consult you first.

Don't worry about what your dh says, just do what you think best for you and Dcs.

BerthaTheBogBurglar · 26/07/2012 21:30

Why don't you say to your dh "OK then, food is your responsibility this holiday. I'm not doing it. That's fair, since I've been responsible for shopping and cooking on our last xx holidays. So if you want to wait till we get there and decide about food then, that's fine."

Then when you arrive and your relatives start trying to talk to you about shopping and food, you can just refer them to dh. He can go to the supermarket and argue with them, while you stay at the holiday home with the gin.

I might take the first night's dinner, and breakfasts, and snacks though ...

Oh, and next time your MIL phones and says "we're going on holiday, I've paid for it", say "oh dear, we can't come because we don't want to ".

BerthaTheBogBurglar · 26/07/2012 21:34

Alternatively, develop D&V the night before you were due to go. Sadly you will have to miss the first half of the holiday so as not to risk infecting anyone else.

2rebecca · 26/07/2012 21:38

I would insist your husband decide with you how many meals he wants to arrange in advance and sort thse out. I would never have thought to organise the food for people in the other cottages. they can do what they want. You don't have to all eat together or eat out on the same night just because you are staying near each other. I would get your husband to discuss it with you and then tell her "this is what we plan to do for meals ie eat in 3 meals have sorted food for our cottage, eat out for 4 meals, all breakfast food sorted.
You don't have to spend the whole holiday with them, you will need some time to yourselves. Sort yourselves out. Leave them to it. If they want to do last minute shopping or eat out all meals let them. Get food that doesn't have to be eaten on set days.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 26/07/2012 22:54

This thread is stressing me out just reading it! I can see this sort of thing happening to me.

I think you should take advantage of the fact that you are in a separate cottage with a separate kitchen, and just look after yourselves. Send an email if you want to saying as much.

My in-laws are very much of the "we'll worry about it later" persuasion. Which is fine(ish) when you are all adults. Not so good with small children who need feeding before 10pm, ideally.

girlywhirly · 27/07/2012 09:02

I would be glad about having a separate cottage and kitchen, you can sort out the food you like and eat when it suits you. I think you will like this better than eating en masse.

To have communal meals means organisation, so if the others aren't prepared to make up their own minds about shopping and cooking, they will just have to sort themselves out. Ignore DH and plan for your own cottage.

Equally, make sure you do some activities separately from the others, especially as you won't be tied to their meal schedules. This will make the whole holiday more enjoyable for you and you will all have something to talk about when you are together. This really is the best way to cope and save your sanity, instead of being stuck with people who could potentially never make their minds up about what to do and where to go, wasting half a morning; or those who just want to do nothing much every day which might bore you.

Lastly, if you can't bear another holiday like this, find a way to decline them.

2rebecca · 27/07/2012 12:52

Agree that the only way i have coped on holidays with large groups is to have an idea before I go of things i want to do and discuss what our little family want to do during the week with husband and kids. I'll discuss these with other folk coming but make it clear i don't expect us to stick together all the time. Some people fanny around half the morning or just want to potter. I like to do stuff as does my husband. Agreeing to split up a bit and telling people "tomorrow we are going to do this and are leaving at this time" so people know what is going on can help.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 27/07/2012 12:59

Good lord - just do some shopping so that you've got breakfast things and basics, and then go from there.

If they don't like to plan ahead, then you trying to get them to decide what they are going to have for dinner next week is going to piss them off as much as they are pissing you off.

Sort yourselves so that you won't be left with no food and nothing for your DCs, and then go and have a nice time.

bogeyface · 27/07/2012 13:41

I can see why you are stressed but you do seem to be making more of this than there needs to be.

If your DH is being an arse, which he is, then just do what you need to do to make sure that you and your children are fed and let the rest of them get on with it.

Original poster

autumnmum · 27/07/2012 14:50

Thanks people for your helpful advice. It's good to know that I'm not the only one who has to endure holidays like this. I appear to have given some people the impression I have demanded meal plans for every night of the week. Just to be clear the conversation went like this me: what do you want to do about shopping for holiday, 14 people is a lot of people to feed. MIL: we'll see. There's a starbucks there. Perhaps she thinks we'll live on expensive coffee for the week.

Point is that if we turn up with food for us there will be comments (mainly from SIL who never remembers anyones birthday, never says thanks, didn't call me for 18 months after my Dad died etc. etc). But after 18 years around these people I reckon I can deal with "comments" (particularly comments from hungry people).

OP posts:

2rebecca · 27/07/2012 14:58

I would send them all an email or give them all a phone call just reminding them that each cottage needs to sort out some food for itself.
I'm fairly thick skinned so winey adults would just get a "you should have brought stuff, go and find a supermarket."

Debs75 · 27/07/2012 17:11

OP the meaning behind the snippy comments will be 'damn I wish we were that organised to remember to bring food with us'

Flip

1 2 3