exfriend and my lg

[lauraandeve]

Not sure that this is the right place for this post but I am a bit unsure where to post. I apologise in advance if this gets a bit rambling but its been in my head for 18mths now and think I need a bit of advice! Up until 18mths ago I was very close friends with a lady, we had been friends since I was 16 and I had supported her emotionally all the time we were friends (DH problems, DS1 AS problems etc). Anyway my lg (4 now) loved her and used to call her Aunty and when I had my second lg she looked after dd1 whilst my husband and I were at the hospital. Two years ago we lost a family member to bowel cancer and it was suggested that my mother went to see a genetic councellor to find out the risks to the rest of the family. My friend thought this was stupid and was more bothered about how stupid we were than supporting me through my huge amount of grief at loosing one of my few family members. Anyway when my mum had to go for the results my friend asked me to take her shopping, I said I would but after I had had the results as I was concerned for my mum and children. To cut a long story short she had a paddy, said I was selfish to consider yearly checks for bowel cancer as it would upset my DC's. At this point I decided that enough was enough and have not spoken to her since. This is not a problem for me I am loving not having to deal with her dramas every day and not treading on egg shells around her but my DD1 doesn't understand why she can't see her anymore. I have explained that this lady doesn't like mummy anymore but that it is nothing that she (dd1) has done and that sadly we can't see her anymore. 18mths later she is still desperate to see my XF and I don't know what to do. I keep explaining gently that sometimes adults just don't get on anymore but she won't accept it. Any advice as to what I could do to help her would be gratefully recieved!

TBF, my DS1 stopped going to his old childminder when he was 2.10 years old, and still talks about her with great affection (and accuracy) now, at 4.8 years old.

I've been in a very similar situation as u. As time went on I look back and see that she was a vampire friend. My dd still talks about her and misses her kids but I've just been as honest as her age can understand and said that she hurt my feelings and we aren't friends any more. I've since made better, more kind friends. Time heals. Good life lesson for dd in a way. Some friendships last a lifetime but some don't and that I'd just how it is.

Fwiw I think Ivy was trying to help. There's nothing sneery in what she did, she simply broke up the OP's post to make it easier to read. I have wanted to do the same myself, but not with any malice...I truly dislike the grammar police. I think they're dicks.

OP - you are quite right. Who needs it eh? The best thing to do is be kind but firm with your little one.
"XXX shouted at mummy - and that made me very sad. She should not have shouted at me, so we can't be friends any more. She said nasty things and made me cry. I don't want to see her again. I'm so sorry that you feel sad about it...but she is not my friend anymore."

Give her a cuddle...then next time it comes up tell her "she's not my friend any more...I've told you that...now off you go!"

It's a shame, but you don't need to keep explaining yourself over and over again. Tell her the truthful bare bones, and then refuse to get into a debate about it. There is nothing you can do - shit happens...and untimately it's your choice. New friends will pop up sooner or later and that will distract her. x

laura your daughter will get used to not seeing your friend. My mum is getting divorced and has moved in with us until she can buy a new house. The split means that DS (2 nearly 3) may not see his GF again and he hasn't come with nana to visit as he has done previously. We've had a few comments and have had to explain that grandad's had to stay where he was living before but it does get easier over time. He justs accepts that this is the status quo now. Try distracting your DD if she goes on about your ex-friend, "she can't come with us sweetie, let's go and do x" etc.

Thanks for all your advice think we'll have one more little chat then draw a line under it and if she brings it up again I'll just try and move the conversation on! I have realised in the last 18 mths this person was not a good friend so onwards and upwards!