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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To start sending back mail as "Gone Away"?

39 replies

VerityClinch · 25/07/2012 20:51

We moved here in Jan 2012, so, six months ago. The previous resident (a divorcee in her fifties, totally compos mentis) has moved about a mile up the road. She gave us her new address and asked if we would forward her mail until her redirection kicked in. I agreed and have done so up until a few weeks ago.

I have been forwarding her mail, but have also repeatedly been getting mail from her from Santander which says to me that, even after getting forwarded mail from them, she hasn't bothered telling them her new address.

Recently we got a polling card for her (as well as for us, we filled in an electoral register form online when we moved in). I did return that one "gone away" as it looked to all intents and purposes as if we were all living together. We then got an electoral registration form to complete/amend which had all three of us listed at the same address. I send that back with her name crossed off and a separate note giving her new address.

I am still getting mail for her now - proper mail, from banks, Bupa, doesn't look like junk mail or circulars. AIBU just to stick it back in the post box marked "gone away", even though I know where she has "gone away" to, six months ago?

In other words, if she can't be bothered to redirect her mail, then why should I?

PS in light of recent threads (ahem), I should point out I haven't opened any of it, it's just kind of obvious when something is a polling card or regular once-a-month bank statement etc rather than junk mail iyswim?

OP posts:

Original poster

VerityClinch · 25/07/2012 20:53

Oops, in case it's not clear, the redirection never "kicked in". The postman has confirmed there isn't one in place - he every said he "redirected" himself for a few weeks then got fed up. When we got the polling card I texted her to inform her we had sent it back and she should really fill out an electoral register form and sort out her redirections etc and never got a reply, so there has been no "misunderstanding" or, so far as I can tell, issue with the redirection instructions somehow going missing.

OP posts:

HecateHarshPants · 25/07/2012 20:56

I don't think 'gone away' will help. Either put "not known at this address" or "Not at this address, redirect to "

DartsIsFun · 25/07/2012 20:59

I would text her to let her know that you will no longer be forwarding any of her mail, and that all mail with her name will be returned to sender.

It's not your responsibility, it's hers. I suspect that she never intended to use a re-direction facilty if she asked you to forward stuff.

LindyHemming · 25/07/2012 21:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BedHog · 25/07/2012 21:00

'Gone away' is postman code for dead, iirc. So I don't know how that will affect things when her mail arrives back at Santander etc.

Original poster

VerityClinch · 25/07/2012 21:01

The trouble is, if I put the new address on it, the post office seem to send it on, so it never finds its way back to the original sender.

OP posts:

DartsIsFun · 25/07/2012 21:03

When we moved house about 5 years ago, the previous owners didn't bother with a re-direction and I got fed up with all the stuff. They did not leave a forwarding address, so after about a month I took all the post into the Estate Agents and explained the situation, and also said that all post would in future be returned to sender. This sorted the problem pretty quickly, I suspect they set up a re-direction.

carabos · 25/07/2012 21:03

Write "not known at this address, return to sender" and drop it in the post box when you are passing. It will stop quite quickly.

DottyWottyDooDah · 25/07/2012 21:04

Yep. Tell her you'll box it for collection and dispose of it if not collected in 6 weeks.

Original poster

VerityClinch · 25/07/2012 21:04

I don't want her to come and collect it, though, I want to stop getting her mail and stop being beholden to her in keeping it and storing it or readdressing it or marking it up "pissed off to another house and too tight to pay for a redirection" or generally dealing with it.

Can I burn it on a bonfire and dance around it?

OP posts:

pinkpeppa · 25/07/2012 21:05

I completely sympathise with this, OP

what a pallaver for you

I actually had the previous resident arrive at my doorstep one evening before Christmas this year to give ME his new address, and would I mind ever BRINGING his mail to his house - he said he didnt trust the postal service to redirect it

there has to be a boundary, somewhere, that you are a separate citizen, looking after your own affairs, otherwise we would all end up just thinking, oh I needn't bother, I have asked someone else to sort my business for me type of thing

so what I do now is just write 'return to sender' or 'no longer at this address'

then bung them in the postbox once a week

it's plenty

what else does she want you to do next? Go curtain shopping with her?

Fiveflowers · 25/07/2012 21:06

I wouldn't be happy about this. Is she giving out your address as hers for some reason?

When I kept getting mail for a previous owner, I opened it (I know, I know..) and contacted the sender to ask them to take my address off their records. I mentioned my concerns over someone else using my address details and they were very understanding about it.

SimplySoo · 25/07/2012 21:07

Return to sender, unknown at this address is what you should write. Banks tend to contact account holders if that happens.

WilsonFrickett · 25/07/2012 21:09

Just put 'moved away, return to sender' on everything and stick it back in the post box. She obviously CBA to set up a redirection (mind you, I was at how expensive they are) but its not your responsibility to forward things.

VodkaJelly · 25/07/2012 21:10

A friend of mine has lived in his house for years and some new houses were built across the road but have a similar name to his, for example his house is 4 Croft Meadow and the new houses are 1 to 5 Croft View so he gets lots of letters for the other no 4 house.

He did start taking it over but the woman in the new house got shitty with him for taking too long so he started to return it all as Not at this address (not sure if the mail was addressed incorrectly or the postman had given it to the wrong address) and popped it in the post box. A couple of weeks later she got the police round to his house as she accused him of stealing her post. He told them what he had one (put them in the post box) and he will never give her any post anymore and will always put it in the post box.

JustFabulous · 25/07/2012 21:13

Clearly she hasn't paid for the mail to be redirected and expects you to carry on doing it.

You can't put gone away as that implies she may come back!

I would ask for advice next time you are in the post office as you don't want to get into trouble.

We were getting mail 9 years after the previous peolpe moved out..

Original poster

VerityClinch · 25/07/2012 21:17

I genuinely don't think there's any sinister motive on her part, like concealing her actual address or anything like that. It's a small town, lots of people know her and know where she's gone. The postman knows, my next door neighbour knows, the nanny I met at toddler group whose charge used to live in the house this woman bought knows. I really do think it's just laziness on her part.

Which is why I don't feel I should be the one making the effort.

OP posts:

FringeEvent · 25/07/2012 21:19

We moved into our house in November 2010 and the old tenants are STILL doing this. They just turn up at random times completely unannounced to "see if there's any post".

It's not me that has to deal with it, as they usually come by while I'm at work and DH works from home so he just keeps it all in a pile by his desk until they request it, I think he finds this less hassle than labelling all the envelopes with 'not known' etc and taking it down to the postbox.

I find it a bit odd that they're apparently too lazy to get around to dealing with getting their addresses changed, yet they manage to find the time/energy to come over to our house to pick it up.

Sometimes the envelopes are a bit important-looking (eg. DVLA).

I honestly don't know I have some sort of legal/moral obligation to take any action, or if it's really just up to DH how long he can be bothered to put up with them coming round.

Barbeasty · 25/07/2012 21:19

I just wrote "not at this address" on post which came to the previous owners.

Then is started writing "not at this address since 2007" when it got to 2 years.

When national heritage sent what felt like yet another membership card I wrote "if you send a membership card next next year I will assume that I can use it". Funnily enough one hasn't arrived this year.

shattereddreams · 25/07/2012 21:20

If you can, print some address labels (avery A4 ones are great)
Print them in a nice bold large capital letter font

Not at this address. Return to sender. Remove from mailing list.
Bung in post box.

Always worked for me! And the pre printed labels totally take stress out of it.
I would stick them on and use a fat marker pen drawing an arrow to the return address.

Previous owner here subscribed to every possible mail order catalogue on the planet. I was amazed at the crap I would receive. At least 15 a week.

I even got the flowers for her 2nd child being born so clearly she didn't tell her friends either I kept them

hermionestranger · 25/07/2012 21:24

We regularly, 2-3 times a week, get mail for (mainly 2) previous occupants. We have lived here for coming up two years. I know where one lives but buggered if I'm taking it round to them! This includes pensions, bank statements, etc

The other is one I do admit to opening because it is debt collection agencies. I have done the return to sender/no longer lives here, etc and it makes no difference. I end up ringing them and getting quite shirty. What I should start doing is taking it all to the woman I bought the house off along with her un-redirected mail and let her sort it out!

Babylon1 · 25/07/2012 21:25

YANBU I'd have done this a while ago.

WhereYouLeftIt · 25/07/2012 21:27

I would collect a couple of weeks worth of mail, stick it in a big envelope with her new address on it BUT NO STAMPS so that she will have to pay for its delivery. Include a note saying that with effect from a particular date you will be returning all mail to sender. Print off some labels as per shatterdreams suggestion.

Burn an effigy and dance round that instead!

ivykaty44 · 25/07/2012 21:27

The electoral register is filled in and then valid for a year - so as her name was at the address it will appear on your sheet this year - that isn't her fault so to speak - but I can understand your frustration as it comes along with her mail still being posted to your address.

Santandire I awful and possibly she has changed the address - but with their dire service possibly she is getting half her mail form some departments and not the other half.

I would advise you to collect the mail and write on it - not at this address, with the bank they will eventually freeze her account as they shouldn't not have an address for her.

The other mail - again put not known at this address and pop it in the post once a month to be returned

DowagersHump · 25/07/2012 21:28

I just wrote RTS - moved on everything that arrived after six months (apart from the postcard from their kid's school congratulating him on doing really well in maths - I sent that on slightly pointedly!)

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