to wish we weren't so effing popular?

[thatlldopigthatlldo]

Going on holiday. We can't afford an actual holiday abroad or anywhere interesting so we are holidaying in a different part of the country in a borrowed house for a week.

The squabbling amongst family nearby to this holiday has started already. Who is having us round when, who is getting to spend the most time with us, who we are upsetting by chosing stay overnight with another on the way to the fecking holiday.

No bugger ever drives 5 hours to visit us of course, and instead we are expected to travel around in our ridiculously tiny car stacked to the eyeballs with kids crap, to keep everyone happy.

AIBU to say sod the lot of them and stay in said accommodation and read my book and spend quality time with the kids (i work full time).

and i suspect i am already but, everyone of these complainants has had holidays abroad to exotic places regularly, and on that point, AIBU also think fuck em i don't want them spoiling our seaside break.

You: 'Sorry, i'm taking it easy that week, doctors' orders'.

Them: 'What? What are you talking about? Are you ill?'

You: 'Do you REALLY want the details?' in tone implying imminent gynaecological disclosure.

Them: 'Weeeeell... is it serious, are you OK?'

You: [brusquely] 'Long-term infection. I just need to get on top of it with some rest'.

Them [brief pause as they battle with the urge to ask you where the infection is, and fear of aforementioned Women's Problem disclosure] 'Well, we'd love to have you over, you wouldn't have to do a thing, just sit and chat'.

You [restraining yourself from shouting "HA! That's what you said before the Great Floorscrubbing Row of 2009!"] It's not for ever, I just need to get on top of this one with some rest. Are you around later in the year to come to us?' Repeat as necessary.

No YANBU. Why must your holiday be spoilt?!
If they want to fight over you to see you, then they should come to you (and not while you're on holiday)

You could always go with the reason that so many want to see you and as you can't please everyone you've decided you are having a quiet holiday instead.
Or..
I would go with Gwendoline's idea of an open day. Only one day and make sure it's the last day or near enough. You can always go out on the very last day.

I'll be ever so impressed if you follow through with not seeing them

i love the suggestion of a gynae complaint.
alternatively we could tell them DH has his period. could confuse them into wanting to stay away.

I could suck it up on this trip and be utterly vile, never to be invited again. i could miss out the chat to the kids on the way about best behaviour.

anyway, since starting this thread we've heard of sad news about a close family friend. this visit will take priority in a way that no-one else could possibly argue with.

life is too short and so are our holidays. i plainly refuse to get embroiled in family politics.

things they are likely to say,

'oh but we miss the boys so much', (implied: since you selflishly decided to live far away).

'oh, but i thought it would be nice to do this one special thing..with me..no-one else'

and actually said, 'we are wondering why you are not staying with us, you didn't stay with us last time and we see you as taking sides'.

With the last point, how about honesty? Why are you staying where you are if it isn't about sides. Is it closer to the route? Easier to stay as you don't all have to sleep in he dog bed?

Either go with the gynae complaint or some brutal honesty.

Sorry about your friend.

'Oh but we miss the boys so much' - You're welcome to visit on [x date]

'oh, but I thought it would be nice to do this one special thing...with me..no-one else' - Yes, we could do it on [x date] (same one as above)

'we are wondering why you are not staying with us, you didn't stay with us last
time and we see you as taking sides' - They actually said that?

I would have told them the truth: "This is our only family holiday, its not going to be taken up with just seeing other family. We would love to see you for one afternoon." And leave it at that. But then my family would take the hint and leave it alone.

yes they actually said that. DH handled it.

He told them the truth, that we were staying with the oldies as they really love to see the children and that life for them is not that much fun, especially since they are not able to see their own grandchildren freely. it's not side taking it's just sympathy for their situation.

this seemed to be taken in good understanding, but i'm so fucked off that they even asked, now i don't even want to pop round for the day as planned.

I think you really need to stand your ground on both sides. Stand up for what you as a family want and politely refuse anything else. Both you and DH need to be a united front with the same answer no matter which of you they talk to.

i think you're right pascha. i needed this thread to vent, so i don't get all ranty about it...and if i'm not being unreasonable (mumsnet is always happy to tell you when you are) then i will stand my ground confidently. Thank you all.

it's because i'm so reasonable, that we're so damn popular