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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask you about eternity rings? Yey or ney?

48 replies

newmummytobe79 · 25/07/2012 16:40

My friends all recieved eternity rings from their husbands on/not long after the birth of their first child.

None of my family or extended family have eternity rings (except my Auntie who I think got it around 25 years after her first! Grin)

The adult in me says that we could spend the money on better things than bling for my finger

The new mother in me said I bloody well deserved one after a 40 hour labour and then a EMCS

The 5 year old in me says I want one because all my friends have them

I would also like a new carpet - but that's the boring option.

Thoughts on that 3rd ring please :)

OP posts:
MummyWithMenaces · 25/07/2012 17:48

My lovely DH insisted that I get one after our twins were born.

I certainly didn't feel "entitled" to a gift but he said that given what I went through in both pregnancy and labour that a ring was the least I deserved. I argued against it saying it was too expensive but he really, really wanted to do it.

I finally gave in when the children were about 4 months old and he had an eternity ring made (to his design) by a local goldsmith.

It was so important to him and he put such a lot of thought into it that it is every bit as special to me as my wedding and engagement rings.

We had been married a long time when we got pregnant if that helps some of the previous posters feel less sniffy about it.

None of my friends have one and I certainly didn't make a big deal of flashing it about to them. The children love to look at it a point out 'their' stones.

I would never have felt hard done by without a ring but I love it and get a lot of pleasure from it.

theodorakis · 25/07/2012 17:50

We had a horrible wedding.10 years on I have remoulded the gold and stones several times to mark our milestones.

clam · 25/07/2012 18:01

Dh was going to give me one afer I had ds, but we decided the money would be better spent on a video camera (long time ago). And it was!

Finally got the most gorgeous one on our 15th wedding anniversary. Worth the wait.

Pandygirl · 25/07/2012 18:01

I got one after 10 years of marriage (although it didn't last the ring is still pretty Grin)

LRDtheFeministDragon · 25/07/2012 18:06

I don't think it's an established tradition (but then, why should you worry about tradition?!). If you want one and can afford it, why not?!

sue52 · 25/07/2012 18:12

DH bought me one after our 10th anniversary. I love it and wear it most days, in fact I wear it more than my engagement ring which is a bit too blingy for everyday use. The money could be spent on everyday stuff but it will become a family heirloom and you can't leave your kids a fridge.

Kayano · 25/07/2012 18:15

I got mine for our 3 year wedding anniversary and found out I was pregnant the next day Grin

Very good times

Greatauntirene · 25/07/2012 18:18

Ney, the idea is out of date.

RobotLover68 · 25/07/2012 18:38

I got mine on our 10th Christmas - also got a diamond trilogy just after I got diagnosed with cancer. Then I got another diamond ring for my 40th - yes I know, I'm spoiled - but I love them all and they have special memories - OP if you can afford it then go for it

nokidshere · 25/07/2012 19:06

I got one on our 20th wedding anniversary to replace the beautiful victorian ring (family heirloom) which I can't really wear anymore because its damaged :( I love it but wouldn't have "expected" one on the birth of my babies.

jamdonut · 25/07/2012 19:14

I would like an eternity ring, but my DH says he doesn't need to buy me another ring to show his commitment!! I have my Mum's half eternity ring which I wear,but its not the same Sad
I kind of see his point though,but sigh it would be nice.

2rebecca · 25/07/2012 19:18

I don't like rings so no. Definitely not for having a baby, my kids weren't some sort of "present" to my husband that I needed a thankyou gift for. We both wanted them and we are both raising them.
If eternity rings signify committment then maybe getting one when the kids go off to college/work and you've survived raising them and stayed married would be more appropriate.
Conceiving and having the kid is the easy bit.

wonkylegs · 25/07/2012 19:19

I got one when DS was about 18mths old as I'd stopped wearing my engagement ring due it getting caught on stuff.
I now wear wedding & eternity rings everyday + engagement ring on special occasions.

azazello · 25/07/2012 19:24

I got one after 10 years of marriage and DS. We'd sold our flat and had some money sparish and we'd got engaged when DH was a student so my engagement ring was beautiful but not bling! As my engagement ring was sapphire and cubic zirconia, DH got an eternity ring made for me which is 2 small square cut sapphires followed by a single square cut diamond in a pattern all the way round. It is absolutely gorgeous and I love it. It also wasn't horrifically expensive - the jeweller kept very closely to our budget.

If you can afford it- go for it!

drcrab · 25/07/2012 19:37

If you can afford it why not?! I have one and I wear it all the time (a present for dc1). No present for dc2 yet and she's nearly 2!!! Grin I wear all three rings at the same time. I'm short and petite but it looks fine.

DieDeutschLehrerin · 25/07/2012 19:41

I would love one, mainly because it's always nice to be spoiled but DH doesn't like them as he thinks it kind of devalues the wedding ring, as that was a ring he chose for me for eternity. I initially felt a bit Sad but then I found these www.hkjewellery.co.uk/web/page/scatter-set-eternity-rings
(sorry I can't link - on phone)
I love the idea of having a bespoke ring with a design & stones that represent your whole family more than a ring for your first only. Have managed to get him to agree in principle for a significant wedding anniversary once our family is complete so am contented now. I don't feel entitled so much - I love to spoil DH and a little reciprocation occasionally is always exciting. As many have said, as long as you have the money.

minipie · 25/07/2012 19:47

YANBU if you can afford it and it's really what you would most like to do with the money.

In theory I would love an expensive piece of jewellery when DC1 arrives later this year (fingers crossed) but I think I would actually get more benefit from a lovely comfy sofa, new TV and/or iPad. So, we will hopefully get those instead.

I'm not sure about the "entitlement" aspect to it - I do agree that DHs should make an effort in return for us giving birth, but I think that effort should be in the form of looking after us pre and post birth rather than merely buying something.

twofurryones · 26/07/2012 11:25

I didn't want one, we'd only been married a couple of years so DH had already given me two rings in the recent past, and because rings would be bottom of my list of jewellery items, there seemed to be no sense in him getting me another one. He did buy me a very nice bracelet though, which I love.

DontmindifIdo · 26/07/2012 11:37

I got a new car when I had DS - DH isn't against spending a lot of money on a gift, just that he doesn't see diamonds as worth it. Which is a pity, because i'd love one. Perhaps for the next DC. (Just have to get and stay pregnant...)

Littleprincessrocks · 26/07/2012 12:03

I have 2.
I have a saphire one (it has 2 white saphires at either side of a blue saphire - trillogy style in 14K white gold) which DH bought me when I was expecting DD. We were on holiday in Turkey when I was 6 months pregnant, and we knew her birthstone would most likely be saphire. It was a lovely way to remember our holiday and celebrate DD's birth. However DH dropped it and a stone fellout. So I can't wear it till it is fixed. Hoping that DH will organise that for christmas.
The second is titanium and set with australian crystals. It was to celebrate DS's birth. whilst it was not expensive, I love it, it looks lovely with my titanium wedding ring. It is very sparkly, and people comment on how stunning it is Grin. Only my DH, me and my best friend know how much it cost, my sis thinks it was hundreds of pounds.... I just never corrected her Wink

(oh I do have a 3rd - that was my mums and I was given that when she passed away. I have never worn it, but I will pass it down the family line)
It doesn't matter how much it costs, as long as you like it and will wear it.

Kathryn772010 · 26/07/2012 13:46

Hi I have an eternity ring in addition to my wedding band and engagement ring. When I had my twins my husband bought me a ring for my right hand which is a plain white gold band with a blue diamond (for my son) and a pink diamond (for my daughter). As I have diamonds in my wedding band this right hand ring is actually the least expensive of all my rings but it means the most as was made especially for me.

PrincessScrumpy · 26/07/2012 14:04

I told dh to get me one for 10th anniversary. I would have been cross if he'd got me one when dd was born as I was only interested in buying baby stuff and when I get a ring I want a damn nice one! Dh has said he wants to take me to New York for a long weekend and I can choose one there. :)

Longdistance · 26/07/2012 14:19

If you've got the money, why not?

My dh promised me one when dd1 was born. We're now on dd2, and I'm still waiting can't stand it when promises get broken but, it will be tricky, as would like it to have princess cut stones like myo trilogy engagement ring.

But, it's not the be all, and end all. If I was lucky enough to get one for my 40th b'day, or 10th wedding anniversary, I'd be a very happy lady :)

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