To wonder if this is rudeness or just trying to be nice (in a forthright way)

[KellyElly]

There's a woman at work who's always making kind of personal comments to people. Examples of what she says to various people:

"You've got really dark circles under your eyes today you look knackered"

"What's that red mark on your face - have you been bitten or is it a spot?"

"What's wrong with your eyes they look really red" (to someone with an eye infection) then went on to say "you look weird with your glasses on" (she usually wears contacts)

"Late one last night was it you look really pale and washed out today"

The list goes on. She says this kind of thing to everyone and you can see some people get a bit offended (esp the girl with the eye infection as I don't think she really wanted everyone's attention drawn to it).

Are some people just like this and just trying to be nice i.e. the dark circle comment translates as "oh you poor thing you look like you haven't had enough sleep" or is it just a bit rude/personal? I really don't know how to take her as most people tip toe around each other at work and are not that over familiar (unless they are friends).

Oh we've got one of those in our office! I just take her with a pinch of salt. I don't think she means anything by it, she just has to tact (although is herself very sensitive, funnily enough).

I would just say "Gosh, that's very personal" and leave it - she sounds a bit bitchy, but you don't want to go down to her level, that comment will hopefully shut her up!

I work with 20 other people in the same open plan office and unless someone is actually sick (and someone else is saying to them quietly "You look ill, do you want to go home") no one would ever comment so negatively.

I know people like this, they claim they are "showing they care" - it does come across quite rude though, until you have known them for a long time and get immune to it. It's not appropriate way to be in a work environment as most people will take it as rude

That should have been "she has no tact". It does annoy me that she thinks she can talk to people like that, but I can't quite bring myself to say "Wow, have you put on weight" or some such.

Firawla - I agree if you've known someone for ages you can be like this but is a bit weird at work. I don't know whether to laugh or hide my face with some of the stuff she comes out with on a daily basis. Imagine commenting on someone's spot! That will just make them conscious of it. Like Nabootique said she is quite sensitive so gives it but doesn't take it as such. When she makes these kind of remarks to the guys in the office I think they take it as she's bantering and then she gets upset when they say anything to her. Funny old people at work sometimes

I think you get these people everywhere. I don't think it's meant to be rude - just the way they are.
Normally the same people who really look you in the eye when they talk to you and look you up and down.
I've known a few of them over the years....

Not knowing her, it's hard to know whether she means well but is just hopelessly tactless at the same time - or whether she thinks it's OK to make crass remarks like that.

We have a friend who is tactless, undiplomatic and crass - very similar to your colleague. The only way to deal with it, is to 'call' her on it; i.e. to her question of "What's wrong with your eyes? They look really red", then the other person could/should respond with "I've got an eye infection - why do you feel the need to draw attention to it?" (I'd also be tempted to go with the classic MN response "did you mean to sound so rude?" )

Oh, come on, she's not being horribly rude. I'd just keep replying 'that's very personal!' and I'd hope she stopped. But she may not know it's rude - an amazing number of people don't.