WWYD - upstairs neighbour and potential dv?

[daisiessunflowersandtulips]

We live in a ground floor flat, our upstairs neighbours moved in earlier this year and have two kids (1 a couple of months old, 1 about two).

We barely know them but something has seemed strange since they came. I have had to knock upstairs for deliveries a few times and the wife won't come to the door if her husband isn't in. (She speaks some English, we have heard, but it clearly isn't her first language, so this may be why). I have never seen her leave the house without him. The husband has engaged in all sorts of low-level odd behaviour. Eg, he has entered our garden several times without permission even after we asked him not to. Other things too, which I don't want to put down incase too identifiable.

Although I find it odd, I would otherwise think nothing more of it. However, since our lodger moved out I have been working from home in the spare room a lot and this has much clearer sound channels to their flat. I heard some really nasty arguments - screaming, swearing - but again its their business not mine.

Until this week. I've heard plates being thrown and smashed and then screaming accompanied by really horrible wall shuddering thumps. On more than one occassion. It sounds like a room being trashed, or someone being hit/thrown against the wall and floor. It absolutely doesn't sound like regular household echoes. I think the screaming is hers as it sounds quite high pitched.

I hope this doesn't sound nosy neighbour, nor like I leap to conclusions because I've found some of his behaviour odd. I am genuinely worried for her (or whoever is the victim) and for their kids. But at the same time, I don't know anything, and I certainly don't want to make anything worse. I have thought about calling the police the next time I hear the noises, but am worried of a) repurcussions on victim b) being thought of as a time waster if it turns out to be nothing and c) any potential repurcussions on us. (It would be extremely unlikely if not impossible for someone from another flat to hear, due to the layout).

Not hearing anything now, BTW. Just wondering for next time I do. Grateful for your thoughts.

I would do the following:

a) Call the police station on the non-emergency number and tell them what you've just said here.

b) Call 999 the next time you hear anything like this.

If she won't answer the door if he isn't there and never goes out without him this might be the only way to try to protect her :(

Agree that you need to talk this through with someone now before it happens again so you know what to do

I would call the 101 number, explain what you've said here, get a reference number if you can and next time you hear anything you thinking untoward, call and ask for a safe and well check

Do what akmd said. My exh was abusive and I sometimes hoped someone would help me.

I had similar in a flat i used to live in. I could hear shouting, 'slapping' and thumping noises. Being a nosy beggar concerned neighbour i went to their front door and peered in through the frosted glass. When I saw my neighbour's gf being held against the wall by her throat i pounded on the door and shouted...she opened the door and i dragged her out. Cowardly neighbour ran away from me and hid in his bedroom.

I'm not advocating direct intervention but i would definitely call the police. If neighbour threatens you or anything (which he probably won't as they tend to be cowards) then report that as well.

I would also follow AKMD's advice and call the non-emergency number now before it happens again.

101 now for advice on what to do next time - they will tell you to 999 next time it is in full flow.

What I wouldnt do is approach them directly, or her alone.

I would do as the previous posters suggested.

Do you ever see HV's going there? If it continues i would inform them.

She sounds very isolated, but there will be support groups, somewhere that she can access that are multilingual.

Just to add if you know what language she speaks, then mention that when you call and state that her English is not good.

The police might action support for her.

Call 999 and KEEP calling whenever there is an incident. So many victims of DV are scared to press charges or to escape their abuser, the more chances you give her the better her chances of getting away from him.

Thanks everyone. Birds, I don't know what language she speaks but I think she may be South American - from the very little I have seen she looks Latino, and the few words I have heard could be Spanish/Portuguese. Should I mention that to the police? I just worry because it is all so speculative.

Birds, never seen an HV go in there, or anyone else.

Calling the police now, BTW.

Sensible advice has been given, and I am pleased you are calling them. Don't worry in case you are wasting police time - you could also be saving a life!

Glad you are calling and yes mention the language.

Were the police helpful?

I agree about calling the police. When it happened to me, I was glad neighbours called the police. It stopped him in his tracks (that time).

The abuser is probably too scared and shocked (at being caught red-handed) to bother too much about which neighbour actually called.

And the abused woman is probably just very grateful and/or relieved, and you may save her from some serious harm.