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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I being mean?

30 replies

Lazydaisy55 · 25/07/2012 12:03

My two offspring are 20 and 13. Last night we discussed going to the beach. I usually do all the organising/picnic preparation.

It was agreed that we would all get up at 8, I had an appointment at 9. In the meantime they were to make sandwiches and get their beach stuff ready.

I was the only one who got up at 8! I decided to see how long it would take them to surface. They wandered downstairs at 10, expecting me to have done everything. Beach trip is now off because of the lack of effort from them.

Was I being mean? I feel bad now even though I think it's a fair decision.

OP posts:
Convict224 · 25/07/2012 12:05

I think you are bang on. Both of them are of an age where they should understand that life gives them what they put in. I wish I was more like you when both of mine were younger.

Ohyoubadbadkitten · 25/07/2012 12:06

Not mean at all! Make sure that you have a nice day though, dont let them spoil yours.

tryingtonotfeckup · 25/07/2012 12:06

No I don't think you are mean, its a lesson in looking after themselves and not taking you for granted.

You should put your feet up, read a book, drink tea and leave them to look after themselves.

I'm dying to do this, mine a lot smaller, 2 and 5 so I don't think I can yet.

Lovemy3kids · 25/07/2012 12:06

I would be on your side and would have done what you did - they are old enough to understand what you told them - they are 20 and 13 for goodness sake! Stand by your guns and hopefully they will learn for next time.

DawnOfTheDee · 25/07/2012 12:06

I don't think you were being mean at all. Your decision not to go is a fair one....hopefully they will remember it next time something is planned and they are given a task to do.

If I were you i'd make my own sandwiches and grab a bottle of wine, get a book and go off to the beach by myself! Why should you miss out just because they couldn't be arsed..?

SweetBabyJebus · 25/07/2012 12:07

No! Tough shit really! The 20 year old should know better Grin

Pandemoniaa · 25/07/2012 12:07

Well at 20, it's not down to you to organise anything really, is it? But YANBU in expecting either of them to put some effort into getting ready and if I were you, I'd have gone to the beach without either of them. Not really fair for you to miss out because they can't be arsed!

JumpingThroughHoops · 25/07/2012 12:09

Why would they need to get up at 8 if you wouldn't be leaving till 10? Doesn't take that long to get your stuff together and make a picnic.

All sounds awfully regimented really. It's the holidays, just go with the flow. So long as they knock up a packed lunch when they get up, I don't see the problem.

RubyFakeNails · 25/07/2012 12:13

Why couldn't they just sort it out when they got up and then you all go. I probably would have woken them up if I was up though because it's sort of cutting of your nor to spite your face. 8 is early for the holidays and to do what, make a few sandwiches and pack some towels.

AKMD · 25/07/2012 12:14

YANBU but I would have been a softy and woken them up before I left for my appointment at 9. Can you try again tomorrow?

DeckSwabber · 25/07/2012 12:16

My kids are 13 - 17 and this is the story of my life.

Sometimes I really hate it - having to nag and remind constantly over things which should be routine by now, being late for things because they won't get up until the last minute and then being unabloe to find something, missing out on nice family days out because its such hard work for me.

Can someone tell me what the answer is?

Deck

dreamingbohemian · 25/07/2012 12:22

I don't know... did you make it clear to them last night that if they didn't get up in time, the trip was off? Or was it more, hey, let's try to all be ready by 10... okay, sure mum.

Also agree that a day at the beach shouldn't take that long to prepare for and getting up at 8 in the holidays doesn't quite seem necessary Smile

Dprince · 25/07/2012 12:22

If it happens all the time, then yanbu. They need to learn. You made plans and they are old enough to stick to the plans agreed.
If its a one off and they are usually very well organised, i would have woken them before i left.

dreamingbohemian · 25/07/2012 12:23

Though I agree that at that age your DC should have been able to prepare everything themselves, and you aren't being mean if you were clear that the trip would be off if they didn't.

ErnesttheBavarian · 25/07/2012 12:30

YANBU, except You should have gone without them.

They need to learn at some time their contribution is required, and that you are not their servant.

Birdsgottafly · 25/07/2012 12:31

I am doing the same with my two, i want a few days out that will mean 7 am starts, they are well warned, that the trip won't be cancelled, i will be leaving without them.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 25/07/2012 12:35

At 20 and 13 they're hardly going to experience deep trauma because of a cancelled beach trip.

I'm sure they're fine and they won't do it again without knowing you mean what you say! Grin

Original poster
Lazydaisy55 · 25/07/2012 12:39

Thanks for the replies. The beach we were planning to go to is 1.5 hours drive away, it's very popular and parking can run out. That's why we needed to leave at 10.

OP posts:
DontEatTheVolesKids · 25/07/2012 12:43

It depends if you want to go to the beach or not.
Or if you can happily go without them, anyway.
If you don't mind giving it a miss, then your plan is fine. They might get the idea to self-organise by the time they are, say, 35.

My experience is that I organise it or it does not happen.

My eldest is only 12 so I can't really just leave them at home to own devices, yet, & go by myself. I pray for the day when I can!!

AMumInScotland · 25/07/2012 12:45

Well, YANBU, but couldn't you have knocked on their bedroom doors at 8 and said "Shift your butts if you still want this to happen"? I don't think it's your job to do everything, or to chase them repeatedly, but if I knew everyone in the house wanted to be up at 8, I'd give them all a shout when I got up just as a "reminder" whatever age they were.

bagelmonkey · 25/07/2012 12:45

Is have gone without them.

ImperialBlether · 25/07/2012 12:48

Why didn't you call them at 8? I know it's a pain but ffs you wanted to go to the beach too!

You seem to be a bit of a martyr to be honest. If you'd made sure they were up by 9, then by the time you got back at 10 they'd be ready.

KellyElly · 25/07/2012 12:48

No YANBU but it seems a shame to knock the whole day on the head as it would have been for for all of you. I would have just said grab your beach stuff and got some picnic stuff from the supermarket on the way.

MigratingCoconuts · 25/07/2012 12:54

definately YANBU!!!!

can't believe anyone would think otherwise Confused

ImperialBlether · 25/07/2012 12:56

All the OP had to do was to shout her children's names at around 8.30. "X, Y, get up now if you want to go to the beach."

It wouldn't have killed her, would it?

Would you let a colleague miss a meeting if they seemed unaware of it, or would you say, "X, are you coming to the meeting?"