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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So he was fine about breaking up - but he wants a ban on us seeing other people??

51 replies

GreenLivingRoom · 25/07/2012 09:20

So basically after lots of "lets break up" "lets get back together" "oh lets break up again" "actually lets get back together" - I decided enough was enough and that we should break for good. I was expecting him to take it badly like he always does so got a shock when he said "yeah I agree, it's not working - lets just be friends".

Wow - he's never been so laid back about us breaking up but I was so relieved and it's a huge weight off my mind.

He then said however, that he wants us to have a "buffer zone" of around 2 months before we start seeing other people??? I was like "err ok but that might not work out, what if we meet someone we really like?" and he replied that no - we must resist for two months until we're totally over it Hmm

So when I got home I decided to log into his email account (yes I know but I was just curious this time and a bit confused) and he'd actually met someone the day before we "broke up". After our "break up talk" he'd emailed her and said how great it was to meet her, how she looked "gorg" and how she brightens up the store (!!) and how she has amazing taste in dresses and how he can "see her belly" on her holiday photos.

He's BLATENTLY into her!! So shall I take his "buffer zone" to mean he wants ME to resist other people for 2 months until HE'S found someone else??

OP posts:
LadyClariceCannockMonty · 25/07/2012 09:52

Good for you, OP, re the date!

Fuck him. Do what you like.

Enjoy your date!

kim147 · 25/07/2012 09:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ample · 25/07/2012 09:57

My response to his T&C's would be a firm no.
You have broken up, there are no rules in place for when you can or can't start dating again.

You do well to ignore him. Enjoy your weekend!

Original poster
GreenLivingRoom · 25/07/2012 09:59

I checked his email because for a moment there - I was actually considering sticking by his terms and conditions Blush why do I never notice the controlling techniques he used time and time again? why do I always assume it's ME being unreasonable?

OP posts:
AutumnSummers · 25/07/2012 10:00

He might need a "buffer zone" but he has no right to try to dictate how you get over him. Although, to be fair, a break from men can't hurt after a break up, surely?

StarlightWithAsteroid · 25/07/2012 10:00

You're not with him. His wants and needs are nowt to do with you.

ForgetCollette · 25/07/2012 10:03

Once the two of you have split up he has no say on whether you date or not. Tell him that!

But remember, if you tell him his 2 month idea is total rubbish you then can't be too vocal about him dating in that time!

Original poster
GreenLivingRoom · 25/07/2012 10:07

We've been over for a long, long time. We just needed it making official really.

I think to be fair we've both just been plodding along with it because it was easier than having "that talk" and we didn't live together or have children so it was easy to let it carry on and kind of ignore the fact that it wasn't working.

I still think he's been routinely looking for my replacement for a while now anyway.

OP posts:
AMumInScotland · 25/07/2012 10:13

I think you need to let him know you can log onto his email account so he can change his password (and make sure you change yours if he might know it). You're obviously tempted to keep going back to this wound and picking at it - it won't get better till you make the break complete, and that includes leaving him to get on with being an arse on his own, not looking to check up on what he is doing.

It's over - now move on.

kim147 · 25/07/2012 10:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hopandaskip · 25/07/2012 10:16

The only way I could see this being ok is if you had a child/ren together and agreed it for the sake of the kids.

squeakytoy · 25/07/2012 10:17

Grin you both sound about 15

kim147 · 25/07/2012 10:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QuintessentialShadows · 25/07/2012 10:19

Move on.

And get out of his email account.

HE wants to keep you on standby.
You keep checking his email.

Not sure what is worse.

BalloonSlayer · 25/07/2012 10:21

"and he replied that no - we must resist for two months until we're totally over it "

well there are two points of breaking up with someone:

  1. So you don't have to do what they want any more
  1. So you can go out with other people

Tell him to get bent

youarekidding · 25/07/2012 10:27

Your right I think - he doesn't want to lose face and still be single whilst you aren't (in his eyes).

My guess is that 2 months down the line he'd be parading this girl around making a point.

Have a fantastic date at the weekend and remember to tell us the details!

Adversecamber · 25/07/2012 10:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DappyHays · 25/07/2012 10:48

As soon as you say "you're dumped loser " you are free to do as you please. Lots have already met their next intended, so don't see the issue.

lastnerve · 25/07/2012 10:48

to be fair both of you have been lining up other options but you've broken up now so get on with your life.

WhereYouLeftIt · 25/07/2012 10:54

Bizarre idea of his. I have to agree he wanted to keep you as a standby, or possibly he wanted to rub your singledom in your face as he paraded 'gorg' store-lighter-upper in front of you. Nasty. You are well rid.

Enjoy your date and if you can parade him in front of ex that would be karma.

DappyHays · 25/07/2012 10:54

Oh, and don't look at his emails. Surely you are classier than that?

HipHopOpotomus · 25/07/2012 10:57

tell him to change his password.
You are over - you must not go there again (emails) no matter how bored you might get.
Hope the date goes well.

SoleSource · 25/07/2012 11:04

Why agree to being his friend, never mknd the two month bullshit. Dump him totally. Feel pity for him and his new woman.

SardineQueen · 25/07/2012 11:16

hahahahaha

what a wanker

have a great date Grin

NovackNGood · 25/07/2012 11:18

You both sound like utter nightmares. What kind of snoopy control freak reads another persons mail or emails? Once you are broken up you are broken up and have no say in how the other person lives their life at all. Not that you should have when together either.