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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to veto exH's plan to take DS(4) to BMX club at 6pm?

28 replies

toysintheattic · 24/07/2012 22:18

My exH (living close by) came back from walk in park with DS age 4 the other day saying that he had been chatting with someone there and was planning on taking DS to the BMX track for the riding club on Thurs evening from 6-7pm. DS is a fab bike rider, started with a balance bike at the age of 2 and is now riding his pedal bike like a pro so I have no problem with the BMX side of things (though slight PFB mummy wobbles about falling and hurting his wee self; think I just have to get over this!)

My issue is more with the time of day, by 6pm he's usually pretty tired if not over-tired, today after the nice weather and being out and about he was tantrummy and took an hour to settle to sleep. For his and my sake (he'd be coming back for me to put him to bed on my own) I don't want him to be doing this much activity so late in the day.

So, I have just discussed this with exH who very grudgingly agreed with me. I of course feel like the mean horrible mummy who won't let the future gold medallist in BMX racing hone his skills....AIBU? I have said let's wait a year until he's older, not ooh, never ever letting him ride on the BMX track ever but of course am getting sulkiness from exH -- need to let this roll off my back methinks but is hard.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 24/07/2012 22:22

6pm to 7pm is not late

Yes I think YABU

You're hardly likely to get an earlier club than that and it seems a shame to make him wait another year if he's ready to go now.

larks35 · 24/07/2012 22:26

I think YABabitU if it is just about the time of day. My DS is usually a bit wild between 6-7 but I think if he had a focussed activity he would be fine. Why don't you let your ex take him once and see?

squeakytoy · 24/07/2012 22:27

I think it is a bit unreasonable. He is more likely to come back happy and tired ready for bath and bed.

workshy · 24/07/2012 22:29

think you are being a bit PFB

don't do so much activity in the afternoon and let him go

rhondajean · 24/07/2012 22:31

Won't he be in school in a year? He's more likely to be tired then.

Let him try it! He will be home and you can have hi. Tucked up for half seven.

It's nice his dad wants to taken him too.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 24/07/2012 22:32

Can't he start doing it now in the holidays when there is less routine and see how it goes? It could make him overtired when he starts school if he hasn't already, but if it's on in the holidays I'd take advantage. He could always stop for a while in September.

VBisme · 24/07/2012 22:32

Why doesn't his dad have him overnight afterwards, then he can deal with any over-tiredness?

mollyslovely · 24/07/2012 22:35

YADU

Original poster
toysintheattic · 24/07/2012 22:38

rhonda that's another thing I was thinking about as he starts school this year so with holidays planned as well there will only be 3 or 4 Thursdays to go before he's at school and will be even more tired by 6pm!

OP posts:
inabeautifulplace · 24/07/2012 22:45

It does sound like a nice thing for his dad to take him to. I agree with the others who say give it a go first and see how things are. You could ask as a compromise that they come back a bit early from the first one.

Another way of looking at the scenario is that your DS will have a great hour riding BMX. This may then result in a difficult hour for you. Is that trade off worth it? Alternatively, get your ex to put him to bed.

WorraLiberty · 24/07/2012 22:49

Honestly OP, he won't die because he's tired.

Even if he does play up a bit, he's getting older and it won't last forever...particularly if he settles into the club.

I don't know what you're worried about.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 24/07/2012 22:50

If he starts school in September then depending on the length of days he's starting with, there's no reason why he couldn't just drop it for a few weeks then get back into it when he's settled into school.

Is it a turn up and pay on the night club, or a pay in advance club? If its pay I advance it might be better to leave it a little while so you don't worry about keeping him off if he is tired, but if it's pay per session it will be much easier.

marquesas · 24/07/2012 22:55

I'm sure there's room for a compromise here. Why can't your DS try it for an agreed time, until the end of the summer hols would be ideal.

If he isn't getting too tired great, if he is then there's a perfect explanation for him that when he starts school it will be too much to do an evening activity.

I think you're being a little mean not to even let him try it

WorraLiberty · 24/07/2012 22:57

I agree with marquesas compromise

Try it for the holidays.

geegee888 · 25/07/2012 00:35

YABU. Thats the time these sort of things take place at. Because the people running them tend to have jobs and things during working hours. Its important for children to develop skills at a young age.

Petsinmypudenda · 25/07/2012 00:37

It's 6 pm not midnight. Let him go

thebody · 25/07/2012 07:21

Let him go and if he likes it then explain to him that if he wants to go again he has to be a good boy, no tantrums and it's bath and bed as soon as he gets home.

ll31 · 25/07/2012 07:23

yabu-6 to 7 is not late. is it to do with exh rather than time?

MammaTJ · 25/07/2012 08:39

You might find that the excitement of going helps him get through the after school slump.

Huansagain · 25/07/2012 08:53

Can he stay the night at his Dad's?
Won't be your problem then.

jendot · 25/07/2012 09:13

Going against the trend..... No way would I let my 4 yr old on a BMx track ..... Ours is full of 16yr olds smoking and drinking, badly supervised and the dads (if even there) are in the pub down the road paying no attention whatsoever!!! Maybe your local place is different Wink but I would give it the once over if I were you!!

Mrsjay · 25/07/2012 09:16

you are freaking about your sons routine and if he will be tired he might be but I bet he would love the BMX club and I bet he wont be as grumpy as you think 7pm isnt late one night a week ,

Original poster
toysintheattic · 25/07/2012 09:20

The MN jury has spoken! Will see how he goes this week, exH agrees can leave early if need be. Agree with you, thebody, did discuss it with DS this morning and he said "I'll go to bed as soon as I get home!" I have always had a hard time with things later in the day, partly me being tired and partly DS I think and struggle a lot of days with bath & bed resulting in feeling crap by the time he's asleep, so was just worried that this might make things worse. I have to take him to nursery in the morning so can't stay at his dad's house (plus I miss him when he's not here and he's already at his dad's 3 nights a week....)

However, if DS enjoys it then I will manage, it is just one evening after all.

OP posts:
Mrsjay · 25/07/2012 09:24

cant you go and watch him at the club or do you and dad not get on well ?

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 25/07/2012 10:56

If you think about it OP, things like Beavers that are aimed at children not much older than your ds are usually around a simelar time.

You can't go wrong by just giving it a try and keeping an open mind.