I don't need to speak to the DCs every day while they are on holiday with their dad

[workshy]

he has them alternate weekends through the year and 2 weeks in the summer hols

they are 8&10 and enjoy seeing him

he has just text me having a go that I haven't rung them since they went on Sunday

they rang me when they got there
DD1 has her mobile so she could ring me if she wanted

I just want them to have a good holiday and not keep disturbing them

AIBU to think I don't actually need to speak to them everyday or does that make me a neglectful mother?

for the record he NEVER rings them when they are with me

yanbu

my ds who is 6 has just been away for a fortnight abroad with his dad and his dads new family

i rang him 3 times over that time and text occasionally my ex to check ds was ok, having a good time, behaving etc

it doesn't make you neglectful

and also my ds dad never rings him when he is with me which is most of the time as he only has him at weekends

Sounds like they have the means to ring you if they wanted too and they're very happy enjoying a holiday with their Dad.

If my DM has DS for a few days I don't ring every day. I know he's happy and safe and don't want to pull him away if he's doing something nice. If you're neglectful then so am I! As long as you're contactable in an emergency or in case of any homesickness I don't see the problem.

No doubt if you range very day you'd be accused of not trusting him/ interfering /helicopter parenting....

YANBU. If you kept phoning he woud probably tell you that you were interfering on his time with them.

I go on holiday for a week a year without my dc and they are with their Dad (my ex), and when they were younger I used to phone every day. Or if he was taking them away he would phone or text me. I'd come home to a ridiculous phone bill. Now that they are older I don't, they have iPods and could iMessage me if they wanted, I message or text them as the older one has a phone, or I text their Dad just to stay in touch. Not every day though, just as and when we feel like it or there is something to tell. They are with their Dad, he is a fab Dad, and I don't feel the need to keep tabs on what he does with them.

Ignore him. Just ignore. Bet you $10 he's feeling tired or worn out by them and is taking it out on you.

YANBU, does he ring them everyday he doesn't see them?

YANBU

My dc have 3 weeks with Dad every Easter I speak to them possibly 3 times per week, often less.

If I was him I'd take it as a good thing as it means you trust him to look after them and don't need to keep checking they're alive.

Cuppatea beat me to it! I was also wondering if he phones them everyday when they are in your care.

YANBU. We had the reverse discussion with DSDs Mum not too long ago. We said that she knew she could call her Mum whenever she wanted, it was up to her to decide to call her not for us to nag her to do it. DSD is 8. Apparently we were deliberately driving a wedge between them . Surely the DCs will call when they want to?

When I was that age and off on guide camp/school trips /staying with Gran I never phoned my parents. No mobiles in those days tbf but I was never home sick and wouldn't have wanted to speak to them.

usually phoning home is what makes you homesick!!

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

You know what it is, don't you? He'll be absolutely knackered and thinking, "This isn't much of a holiday; I've got to do what the kids want all the time."

He'll also be thinking, "Christ, they eat a lot - I'm skint now."

And, "Fuck it, I really wanted to have a nap this afternoon and they're not going to let me."

Then he'll think, "So whose fault is it? It's obviously not mine. It must be the ex's!"

My ex took our kids on holiday once. It nearly killed him.

He came back and said, "Have you any idea how much they eat? I had to buy adult portions for them!" (They were 15 and 13.)

Then, "They never talk, they just mutter to each other!" Well, yes, they are teenagers!

And, "DD wouldn't take her black tights and hoodie off on the beach!" Well, yes, she had severe body image problems which I had actually told him about. A beach holiday was not her decision and I had to persuade her to go.

YANBU. My ex and I have the kids half the time each on holidays and often are abroad or out of mobile range so the other parent may not speak to the kids whilst they are away. Similarly when with my ex for the weekend I usually don't hear from them until they are back again.

for those that asked if he rings when I've got them, please see original post

just spoken to them, they are fine and playing out in the sunshine, which the had to stop doing because I rang

I didn't even see the crossed out sentence

I don't ring the boys when their with their dad (max 3 days).
Ex just texts me to say he's picked them up from the train ok and then at the end to tell me which train they'll be coming back on.