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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think I have over reacted but don't know how to handle the behavior

19 replies

slightlymentalmum2one · 24/07/2012 13:47

Dd is 7 and is challenging me at the moment. If I say something is black she argues it's white. If I ask her to be quiet she gets louder ect. I told dd that after all the workmen had left this morning we would pack a picnic and go to the park for the afternoon but all morning she has been winding me up with above behavior and in the end I warned her that if she didn't pack it in she would go to her room for the rest of the afternoon.

She calmed for about 20 mins then stared again as we were leaving the house. I snapped put her lunch on her bed and told her the trips cancelled and I don't want to see or hear her for the rest of the day. I know I've over reacted but I know I also can't go back on my word. Why can't kids come with an instruction manual!?

OP posts:

mumof4sons · 24/07/2012 13:53

Don't fret. We've all been there. I had the same discussion with my girlfriends the other night. Sometimes we just need to over react, and you never know DD might see the error of her ways, if you're lucky.

I'd say have a glass of wine, but too early for that. Enjoy a nice cold drink in the garden.

Timandra · 24/07/2012 13:55

I don't think you have particularly over-reacted.

Her behaviour has been unacceptable. You let her know that if it continued there would be a consequence. She continued.

I would try to move it forward now by explaining to her how her behaviour makes you feel and letting her know how you need it to change in the future.

You could balance things up a little by offering the chance of a treat tomorrow if she makes a big effort to behave more acceptably between now and then.

All children try to push the boundaries back now and then just to see if they will move. If they find out the boundaries are firm they usually settle down and behave again for a while.

Maybe during your chat you could give her the chance to tell you if anything is worrying or upsetting her in case her behaviour is some sort of cry for help.

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 24/07/2012 14:05

Sounds fair enough to me, she has been warned repeatedly, told there would be a consequence, and now has to live with that consequence. You do have ot follow through on things like this or she will think you'll "cave" every time and won't believe you when you say what will happen if she does XYZ. Stay firm on this one.

Pagwatch · 24/07/2012 14:08

I think following through with a consequence is really important actually.

Threatening stuff and then not following through is a seriously bad idea. It just teaches children to ignore you.

TroublesomeEx · 24/07/2012 14:10

yep, did the right thing.

Everything Pom said is true.

squeakytoy · 24/07/2012 14:11

You didnt over-react. She is plenty old enough to know that you are the parent, you are in charge, and that she was behaving badly.

If you give in and dont carry out threats, she will have you wrapped around your finger. If you carry out a threat, she will hopefully think twice next time before carrying on.

CaliforniaLeaving · 24/07/2012 15:02

Oh dear she sounds just like my 7 year old Dd. She is driving me crazy lately, I threatened to send her to bed at 3pm the other day. There was me thinking it was just my Dd. So she must be normal then?

twolittlemonkeys · 24/07/2012 15:08

FWIW I don't think you overreacted. Seven is old enough to understand. I've cancelled trips to the park for my 6 and 4 year old if they can't follow a couple of simple instructions. Sometimes it's got to be done. Just enjoy having a quiet drink on your own :)

Thumbwitch · 24/07/2012 15:10

Sounds fine - where's the over-reaction?

ENormaSnob · 24/07/2012 15:12

Think we all must be sharing the same dd.

You didn't overact IMO

TitsalinaBumSquash · 24/07/2012 15:16

I've put my 7yo DS in his room for the Rest of the day at 3,4,5pm a number of times, not only to show I WILL NOT tolerate the behaviour you described but also because this behaviour all day everyday gets me so stressed I end up needing time away from him.

MushroomSoup · 24/07/2012 15:17

Good for you! It won't bloody kill her but it might cure her!

Fillybuster · 24/07/2012 15:17

You didn't over-react....you just made good on an outcome you had warned about previously.

Don't worry....the other options

a) that you just let the behaviour pass without comment
or
b) that you told her off but then went ahead with picnic anyway

would have been much worse in the long term. Now, she knows you mean it.

My mother always told me she would never make a threat/issue a warning that she wouldn't actually follow through on. She demonstrated her commitment to that enough times that I always believed her.

Of course the trick is not to threaten something that you don't want to cancel :)

Have a quiet afternoon, then make up with her later. And remember that it is she who should be apologising to you for making you miss your lovely afternoon in the park.

LineRunner · 24/07/2012 15:22

I don't think you over-reacted, either - but I do know how it feels to carry out a consequence and then feel really shit about it.

I remember the year the DCs chocolate advent calendars ended up in the bin ... that wasn't a bundle of laughs, but they stopped moaning about chocolate for ages.

That makes me sound like a fiend, doesn't it?

Svrider · 24/07/2012 15:32

I was once on my way to the park with my 3. They just kept miss behaving on a busy road
I turned round and brought them home again
They always behave on the road now
You have done the right thing!

birdsofshoreandsea · 24/07/2012 15:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thumbwitch · 24/07/2012 15:42

It is up to you how to define "the rest of the day" - I presume you will feed her an evening meal, so when that is ready, call her down and chat to her.

You have done nothing wrong though - she will hopefully have learnt not to mess you around again like this.

Original poster

slightlymentalmum2one · 24/07/2012 17:06

Thanks all. I was feeling bad about sending her to her room rather than the cancelled picnic. It's good to know mine's not the only 7 year old doing this and gives me strength knowing it is just a phase and all phases have to end. Right!?

She's out of her room now as she has to come to a meeting with me now rather than swimming with friends but it will give us a chance to talk on the way there and for her to earn a treat tomorrow with her good behavior fingers crossed

OP posts:

CinnabarRed · 24/07/2012 17:12

No over-reaction there.

I have a friend whose kids were really pushing her as she was trying to get packed to go on holiday. She talked it over with her DH, and then told the kids that if they didn't get their act together then the holiday was cancelled.

The kids started fighting in the car on the way to the ferry. They got a final warning. They kept fighting.

So my friend's DH pulled off the motorway, turned round and they came home. Holiday cancelled.

They did go on a few day trips once the kids realised that their parents meant it and started behaving like civillised beings again.

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