To hate the term meltdown

[morethanpotatoprints]

I am sick of hearing this term, not because the dcs the parents refer to but wtf does the term mean?

"DD had complete meltdown when I" arghhhhhhhh!

Is it too much to expect people to be a bit more explicit in what they are trying to convey?

I do hate the word meltdown used for a bog standard NT tantrum.

I admit it. I am unreasonable. I know I don't own the word

But when my autistic child (either of them. I have a pair ) has been screaming, kicking, biting and hurting himself for 3 hours and I am unable to reach him in any way because he is no longer aware that there is a world outside of his - actual- meltdown, then I do grind my teeth a bit at people who are using the word because their NT 2 year old has been stamping their feet for 20 minutes until they got what they wanted, at which point they were able to calm down.

But I am aware, like I say, that we don't own the word. I just can't help it

It's commonly used in the SN context.

Meltdown equals an angry and irrational response to a frustration or environment

A tantrum is different and nearly always over a "want" of some description.

My DS is autistic and has both hence it is important to know the difference. One is bad behaviour (hey he's a kid and they all play up at times) and the other is an anxious, distressed child who blows up over a situation.

meanings of words change all the time.
Language evolves.

Think of the word gay.
It used to mean happy.
Now it means something completely different.
And people who are older, or who dont get out and about much,are the last to know about the new changes in meanings of words.

I personally love the way words change meanings.
Who knows what the new words are going to be in the next 10 years.
Fascinating.

Like ColouringIn, my DS has both Autism 'Meltdowns' and tantrums.

I can tell the difference, although I know its not always easy. I know that with my DS's meltdown he will cry real tears, and seems afraid and will shake. Whereas with a tantrum he is just screaming with anger.

Disclaimer - know this isnt the case with all meltdowns, just my DS.

and yy to tantrums being 'want' led, whereas meltdowns are more complex.

YABU.

I like the term. I think it describes a toddler's irrational complete and utter temper/crying tantrum where there is no reason and like a previous poster said, only time and sleep will stop.

Different to a temper tantrum becasue they couldn't have a biscuit, or a crying fit because they can't find teddy. I think melt down describes the more irrational episodes, e.g. after being asked if they want cheese or ham on the sandwich when tired...

I agree about toddlers - they do indeed have their more...ahem...irrational moments

I'm with Hecate on this one, it used to annoy me hugely when parents of NT children used it to mean a temper tantrum, but I've mellowed a bit over the years.
When my DS used to go into meltdown, he couldn't hear or articulate, had no sense of self-preservation or awareness of consequences. He no longer appeared sentient. In one situation, handled inappropriately, it took an adult man and two Y11 to even try and control him and they were terrified of the strength he displayed.
So it really isn't a tantrum.

It's because we're not meant to say paddy anymore [ducks]

YABU

A "meltdown" has come to mean something fairly distinct from simple "temper tantrum". In a NT child I would intepret it as meaning that the child was completely overwhelmed, out of control and no longer able to manage their own emotions or stop the behaviour. A temper tantrum implies that they are in control of their behaviour and choosing to tantrum.

For example, someone might say "My DD found the loud music and flashing lights at the wedding reception completely overwhelming and finished up having a complete meltdown." This implies sympathy for the behaviour whereas "My DD had a temper tantrum in the middle of the reception" has a completely different tone.

And for children with some SN, a meltdown is something very specific, a complete inability to deal with their situation, leading to their self-control effectively shutting down.

It's a word, and a pretty inoccuous one at that.

Yes, it's fairly easy to tell them apart.

If your child will run in front of a lorry/jump off a cliff because they have lost all ability to keep themselves safe or to see or understand danger, then it's probably a meltdown. If they take care to ensure that they don't get hurt, then they are in control, even if they look for all the world like that isn't true!

If the episode ends when the child gets their own way/realises they are not going to get their own way - it was a tantrum. If the child is unable to calm down for hours whether or not you fix whatever triggered it (if anything did/if it's something that can be fixed) and doesn't even know you are there, it's likely to be a meltdown.

Lorry/cliff is for illustrative purposes only - child at risk of serious physical injury.

That's it fallen - the inability to articulate.
My ASD dd has toddler tantrums and meltdowns. When having a tantrum dd can verbalise (on a basic level (S&L delay) but during meltdowns there are no words.
A tantruming child you can reason with, even on a basic level, (or just give up a give her the sodding biscuit)
Meltdowns are scary, irrational, violent, and once dd has hit the point of no return there is nothing that will bring her out of it before its run it's course.

I think unless you've had experience of a meltdown, it's very hard to see the difference.
Which is where you get people having squeakytoy's perception of what a meltdown is.

'To me it means an irrational hissy temper tantrum, and an inability to calm down and listen to anyone.
I know plenty of adults, never mind children, who have them.'

Agree with other posts. My DS has autism and also has what we term as meltdowns. His school (specialist autistic school) refers to them as 'being in crisis'. It's a complete breakdown and inability to control himself.

Yeah very difficult to tell the difference from the outside looking in.
A friend of mine witnessed dd havIng a meltdown the other week, and whilst she's seen loads of tantrums, she described it as "horrific to watch and not be able to make it all better"

I think its a pretty descriptive word! My 10 year old has meltdowns frequently. He gets into such a state he is unable to calm himself and has no idea why he is actually crying/sobbing/overloading. He is not SN - he is just a highly emotional child who sometimes gets past the point where he is able to behave rationally.

However, its just a word that people use to convey that it was more than "normal" - a bit like people saying their child is "hyper" when they are being particularly active.

My sons meltdown might not be the same as a SN childs meltdown, but it is a meltdown for him all the same.

I use it to describe my two children who are nt. it's always caused by over tiredness/ over stimulation and basically something incredibly minor triggers an hour or more of inconsolable wailing which it's impossible to distract them from, and even if the original cause of the crying is removed/fixed, the focus moves onto something else. There is no kicking or screaming, just miserable wailing, the only solution is sleep. It's almost as if their brain is totally overloaded and literally goes Into meltdown

yabu.
And personally I don't like debate over distinctions between tantrum-strop-paddy-meltdown-whatever, or implication that the terms are reserved for specific people in specific circumstances. I don't see why any of them needs to be precisely defined, they all clearly indicate a loss of composure which is stressful for any carers involved. That's all you need to know 99% of the time. As far as I'm concerned, every tantrum is about emotional overload.

Oh wow, I didn't realise the use of this word was restricted.

In actual fact, I don't think I have used it very much, but apologies to anyone I may have inadvertently offended in the past if I did.

OP - what a bizarre thread. It's a descriptive term. People will continue it use it without your say so, so you might as well figure out a way for it not to wind you up.

I don't think it's restrictive.
I think to a parent/carer of an ASD child, there needs to be some differentiation to save your own sanity between the rational and irrational tantrums. A bit like the difference between telling the child off for being naughty or trying to find a way to ease the distress.
For me describing the one as a "meltdown" is a way of explaining to professionals involved that it is more than just a toddler strop.

All children have rational and irrational tantrums at times. Its not specific to SN children. The severity of a tantrum is specific to that individual child.

Yabu, my 3yo has atleast one 'meltdown' per day, basically a tantrum over nothing which results in her lying on the pavement, kicking, screaming v loudly and then she precsides to bite me if i try to pick her up and it takes atleast 15mins to calm her down whilst she crys it out-she doesn't have any SN apart from speech problems which makes understanding her most of the time very difficult.
If people stare, i stare back and tell them she is having a meltdown and to mind their own business.
When a tantrum is so severe, a 'meltdown' is a better word to describe it