to think this is really crap

[PollyGoHome]

My DD is 5 months. I split with her dad when I was pregnant. He hasn't been seeing her very much, once a week max, for a few hours, and today asked to see her this evening past her bedtime so I said no. He kicked off and said I keep changing my mind, I don't, I've been getting her into a routine.

Now he's decided he will see her every other saturday in the daytime. He told me he's working 7 days a week, nights at wkends, and is very busy so that's all he can see her.

AIBU to think this is not good enough? He doesn't seem to think he should have to sacrifice anything, and he hasnt.

How do you communicate between you, emails?

Does she know him well enough to just be handed over?

Set bounderies on terms that suit your DD, not him.

We communicate through texts and today a phonecall.

If I set anymore boundaries it seems she'd see him even less? No she doesn't know him well as he's not around enough. He kicked off that he couldn't have her in the evening when she should be in bed.

Would I be unreasonable to suggest he rethinks his work schedule if it means he sees her once a fortnight? I really don't know how to handle it

If he has to work he has to work

Does he pay maintenance?

Yes he does worra, so do I let it go and accept he won't be a big part of her life?

Well the less he has her and the more he works, the higher the rate of maintenance, is he aware of that?

My experience is you cannot force them to be a part of their life, DD's dad never makes the effort.

To be honest I don't even know if he's paying the right maintenance, when we sorted it out he told me 'this is what I can afford' and it seemed reasonable to me but everyone tells me he should be paying more. He doesn't seem to think once a fortnight (just one day not night) is a problem.

Little and often is best for this age.... Building up gradually

Tbh I think that probably is enough at the moment. It doesn't sound like he knows her well enough to manage overnights etc.

Could give him the option of putting her to bed at night if he can just about get there in time? If you feel it would benefit your DD without making your own life too difficult, you could even try getting her to nap in the day so that she could stay up an hour later in the evening to allow him chance to get there.

It's very difficult with babies, and unless he's prepared to have her overnight or you get along with your X very well so that you're happy with him being in your home on a very regular basis, it's probably going to remain very difficult until your DD is a bit older.

Most parents have to juggle work and family commitments. He is no exception. It's a question of priorities ultimately.

Any access has to be set to benefit your dd and her routine and well being.

As a new parent who hadn't been that involved he may not really understand the inns and outs if a child's needs at that age.

Personally I would arrange to meet him without dd, have a family conference and explain your side ( dds needs and routine) tell him you need him to he involved and of course dd needs him in her life so sort out a sensible access agreement.