...to not want to meet the OW?

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A bit of background: after 20 years together, almost a year ago x-H left me for another woman he met on Twitter. We have a lovely DS, now 6, who has a learning disability.
x-H says that the OW makes him happy and understands him; he felt criticized and neglected by me. My version of events is that DS's disability put a lot of strain on the marriage, and we were not able to adapt our relationship to the new circumstances.
Anyway, it's all been very civilized. TBH between my FT job and DS, I haven't had much time to get angry or do the so-called grieving. DS lives with me and sees his dad very often, initially only at my place but from this month also with the occasional sleepover at his dad's. x-H is very fond of DS but he's also said he's keen to have his own space.
Anyway, several of my friends, plus my DM, think that it is my duty as a mother to meet the OW, because now that DS is spending more time with them, I really ought to know what she's like. Also, DS is not always able to tell me how he feels, or what happens. What if, they say, the OW is really horrible to him?
Now, I can see their point, but I just do not wish to see what she looks like, or hear her talk, or have to be civilized to her as well. I feel tired just at the thought of it. AIBU in not wanting to meet this person? Am I just in denial? If so, it's not such a bad place to be...

Op
The thing that puzzles me is that you say your ex is "fond" of your son

Are your relatives actually really more concerned that the majority of looking after your son, when he is with his father, will really fall onto the shoulders of the OW?
But might they not want to say that openly
(I'm a little more blunt)

There's no way I could meet my exp's new girlfriend, and she wasn't even the ow, they met over a year after we split up!
I also thought it was odd that you say your ex is "fond" of your son. Only fond??

No way wod I want to meet her, I know my dh is a fantastic father and that wouldn't change because he met someone else

I think your friends are being ridiculous. You can't prevent this woman from spending time with your son, anyway; she will as Chipping says be on best behaviour, so what would it possibly achieve, and in actual fact the unavoidable tension of that scenario might adversely affect your child. So what on earth might it achieve that is positive? Especially as there's no way of knowing if the relationship will last - how is a formal inspection going to help anyone in any way at all?

I'm so sorry things have been so tough. YANBU in the slightest, and from the sounds of it you've been doing great. Ex has contact, you aren't trying to control or dictate that, your focus is on your child. Good for you.

x-H says that the OW makes him happy and understands him; he felt criticized and neglected by me. My version of events is that DS's disability put a lot of strain on the marriage, and we were not able to adapt our relationship to the new circumstances.

You had no relationship judging by that comment anyway. Let him go, unless you hanker after him, no problem meeting his new partner. Clearly neither of you were fulfilling each other in the relationship you had. Time to move on, and yes, you should meet anyone who is instrumental in your childs life.

Just wanted to say thank you so much everybody - you've given me a lot to think about!

it is your husbands responsibility to make sure that she is not horrible to your son.

This is the bottom line.

You just get on with your life - you are doing amazing! - and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise...

It's a horrible thing to have to go through,

but you might want to get a first meeting out of the way whilst all is calm, you don't want to have to process anything it might bring up, during a times of stress,

you don't want a first meeting to be when you should be focused on something more important,

If your DS had something going on that requires his parents, if he has an accident and is in hospital, if he has a school show or an issue.

you don't want to have to deal with your natural reaction to someone, and not give it the processing it will need.

you will only end up bumping into them unexpectedly which will throw you.

try and get it out the way, once it's done it's done.

YANBU!!!!!
We are adults and deserve our boundaries and privacy. It's the sort of thing I can imagine people saying to me though if exp gets a partner he wants dc to meet. Then lots of people will say things like 'scarred needs to face up to exp moving on...'
Seriously fuck that!