To feel guilty... DH related

[EugenesAxe]

I felt guilty this weekend because I wanted to go to church last night (as I haven't made any service the last two weeks), but it would have meant my DH bathing the children (2.5 and 8 months) on his own for the second night.

Saturday night I wasn't shirking - doing some fairly heavy duty gardening - and I just hadn't finished by then.

I did go to church and it wasn't too much of a problem - I said I felt a bit guilty but then added 'Although, I guess I bath them alone every night in the week' and he said 'Yes love, but I never get an evening'. He misunderstood I think as he imagined I'd be gone a long time (there's coffee after the morning services so I am away 1.5 hours normally... although I do take DS to give him a break), and he did deign to agree with me when I said 'Well, I don't get an evening either'. He's normally home 7.45pm and I'm usually still reading to or sitting with DS when he gets back.

AIBU to feel guilty? I kind of feel at weekends both of us should get a break by sharing work like this. Or is this just bollocks SAHM expectations on DH's part?

I don't understand your DH saying 'I don't get an evening'. Surely if you bath them every night during the week he gets 5 evenings?

During weekdays his job is his job (whatever that is) and your is looking after the DC. At evenings/weekends the DC should be both your responsibility.

Oooh God forbid he should have to bathe his own children twice in the same week - the poor lamb will quite obviously keel over from being overworked and overloaded with responsibility. Or something.

I think you answered your own question. You got to do something you wanted to do on Sunday evening. Did DH get time to himself to do something he wanted to do during the weekend?

You take DS to give him a "break" he should be glad to have some time if he does not see them before bed on weekdays !! Really you know the answer he is an idiot (sorry I am sure he is lovely but you know what I mean )

I'd better not show my DH this thread, as he gets DD handed to him every night when he gets home from work to bathe and bottle and bed

Your DH should want to spend time with his DCs. His evening (and yours) is free to enjoy once the DC are in bed.

Same here Gnocchi. I have developed an impressive rugby pass as DH comes through the door in the evening! Tbh he loves it and often spends ages putting her to bed as he likes to cuddle her and stare at her soppily before coming back downstairs.

yabu to feel guilty. He is there father and doinf 2 baths out of 7 is not bad thing

Sometimes DH goes to the gym after work, so I do the bed bath routine and DD is asleep by the time he gets home but if she wakes in the night, he jumps up "ill see to her, ill see to her". I love it! I say "are you sure, my dear, I dont mind?" while burrowing deeper under the duvet with my fingers crossed.

I think when you have 2 children under 3, "an evening" (when they are awake) is maybe a cup of tea and a sit down when you get in from work.

Stop feeling guilty. Maybe have a chat - listen to why he might feel resentful (then tell him he's wrong)

P.S. My DH used to hate his job, so when he got in, he did need a bit of time to wind down - once we talked, I understood that (even though I wanted to throw them at him and run screaming into the street on his return).

Hopefully this is just a day's grump on his part, but if it's more common then serious talk needs to happen. Some blokes think SAHMs do nothing all day and feel no stress.

what they said

Why do they need 7 baths a week? Are they particularly grubby?

Well, I find baths soothing and relaxing before bed, so I imagine my DD does too. She loves playing in the water and we actually only need to 'clean' her during a couple of the baths. The rest of them are for fun, her enjoyment and something which she has come to recognise as a sign of impending bedtime.

I used to do a bath every night as well. Toddlers get grubby, babies get pooey, and it's a relaxing routine

FredFred No... what everyone said about it being more of a routine/play thing. Of course in this heatwave they are a bit greasy, so are verging towards needing a bath a day!

Thanks everyone. He's not really an idiot... I just think he still needs to adjust a bit to the reality of having two small children. In other words, a life of your own does become rarer!

It really becomes "all hands on deck" with 2 small DC's. My DH said he tells all his friends that when they are expecting a second child. It is a shock but he's got to be kind, not competitive.

Well bathtimes is (imo) one of those things that´s as much of a chore as you make it.

It´s supposed to be fun, isn´t it?

And even if they are quite dirty, it´s not a great effort to clean them!

Are you for reals?

'I was at church and left my poor husband to bathe our children for the second night in a row - sob! - should I flagellate myself forever more?'

You have BOTH been working during the day and both equally need some down time in the evening - WTF?

I work FT and bath the kids every night - to take over from dh and because, err, I want to.

I am baffled. Why can the have his 'evening' once they are in bed?

I am baffled. Why can the have his 'evening' once they are in bed?