to think if you practice whatever works you shouldn't moan about it

[lola88]

I have a group of friends who all have small babies myself and 3 other woman we are split 50/50 in parenting styles one of them i'll call L and i are quite strict in our routines babies both in bed by 7.30 sleeping (tho mine doesn't sleep through) also have set times for getting up eating and put the babies down for naps. We are both happy with how we do it tho sometimes it is inconvienent for us.

The other 2 J and T are whatever works parents neither of them follows a routine there babies eat and sleep when they want to neither can be botherd with the restricions of a routine. J is totally fine with what she is doing if babies up til 11 he's up til 11 she feeds him on demand as he's not on solids yet BUT T constantly moans about how her DS won't go to sleep sometimes til midnight he's moany during the day some times he eats great other times he doesn't eat much the list goes on.

IMO and L & J's thats the life of a whatever works parent your baby isn't going to look at the clock and say oh it's 7pm i better get to sleep, if you give him breakfast at 9 then lunch at 2 he will be hungry and eat but you can't expect him to eat a whole dinner at 4.30. It's getting really old listening to "oh your so lucky xxx goes down at 7 i wish mine did" No not really it's not luck it was weeks of fighting to teach him when bedtime was and still a fight some nights. I don't say to much apart from if you want your baby in a routine you need to sort one that suits and work at it, J on the other hand has been known to tell her to pack in moaning.

I have no problem with how anyone chooses to parent as long as your child is healthy and happy thats what matters.

AIBU to not want to listen to her moan about her baby not doing things that a baby can't possibly do unless she puts the work in? i'm supposed to be meeting her today but thinking of cancelling.

Mine are both older now, but YANBU I had same problem, bloody annoying!

How old are your babies?
As you've mentioned "small" I shall assume under 6 months.
Not going to bed at a set time is normal in a baby that age. You have been blessed with an amenable baby. This is nothing to do with how much work you have put in. (I spent 3.5 years trying to "teach" my DS regular sleeping patterns - in retrospect I wish I'd left him to it and just gone with the flow). Perhaps have some empathy for your friend and thank your lucky stars you got the easy baby. Maybe even see if there is anything you can do to help (maybe the moaning is because she's at her wits end and doesn't know what to do?)

redskyatnight i would agree if she tried but any advice on books to read, things to try are met with i can't be bothered with that so if she can't be arsed to try don't moan.

My DS still wakes a lot during the night no matter what i try so i can understand how annoying it is but she can't expect her 6 month old to do the things she wants him to do without putting some effort in to showing him.

I don't think it's a case of easy baby vs difficult baby. My dd is nearly 2 and still has to have a strict routine which is inconvenient at times but this is what she needs. And she was never an easy baby. In fact i can say with absolute certainty that she was a difficult baby. And i was by no means lucky that she settled into a routine of regular naps and bedtime. It wad bloody hard work but something we both needed. I think with any baby easy or difficult that you have to put the work in regarding routine and if you don't want that (which is upto the individual) then you deal with it as best you can. So op YANBU imo.

Whether YABU rather hinges on whether this friendly really 'can't be bothered' or not.
My 3.5yo was never in a routine as a baby. The was partly her personality/needs (I thought I WOULD be a routine-mum) and partly a change in my stance of what I thought was right for her. That is, realising I was just naive if I thought any baby could or even should be in a routine.
Her lack of routine was nothing to do with my not being bothered. And in fact, it can be much harder if your baby doesn't want to adopt a routine. Some things are easier... But that's generally the way, isn't it?
My daughter still doesn't sleep through - but I can keep her up very very occasionally (weddings...) til 11pm and have a still happy child.
It's just how she is. The only credit I will claim is accepting the downsides of not forcing her into a routine that she clearly didn't want or need.
I am still all for routine - but you have to meet your baby first to know what will suit them.
So if your friend has a baby would would like routine - not have to be forced into it - then YABU. If she's lazy and CBA, then possibly YANBU.
If it was really hard work for you to establish your routine, maybe she has sim

Simply decided that it isn't the right thing for them. e.g. If hard work means 'baby crying' she may have chosen not to have her baby cry. That's not CBA, but a valid parenting decision - and leaves her with as much right to complain when it's hard as anyone else.

But you know - if you don't like her, don't see her.

Some babies do routine easily and other never adapt. It their personalities.
I'm thinking most families get at least one difficult baby, you never know it might be your next one and you won't be feeling so smug about how yours are so great because you put them on a routine. I got one difficult, one easy, and one in the middle. In that order.

Umm, if you don't like her don't see her? You sound quite judgemental tbh.

There are many reasons not to stick to a strict routine, they are not all because of laziness. Have you considered she might see you as the lazy parent because you fight to get your baby to sleep or in a convenient routine so you have free time? She might think she's working harder and putting in more hours to follow a baby-led style than she thinks is beneficial.

I'm not saying that's true, just want to point out that there are always different ways of seeing things, and it really is better not to judge other's parenting style unless you're willing to be judged.yourself.

YANBU its so annoying when you work really hard at implimenting something that DIDN'T happen naturally, then some toss pot tells you you're "lucky" and they wish their LOs just got up one day and decided to behave that way out of the blue!

I didn't do a strict routine and allowed DD to fall into her own routine. She did. I thought that was more natural, it wasn't laziness. I never woke her for feeds and trusted her to fall into a routine. I guess your friends were hoping the same, but were not so lucky.

I see your point that you shouldn't moan then not act on advice, though - she does sound a bit lazy. Not sure why it is bothering you so much. I guess she's not that good a friend.

Oh wow, if your baby is really under 6 months old, you are being very previous indeed to think you've cracked it, you know.
None of mine slept when they should have (or when I wanted them to) and it wasn't because I didn't "put the work in". It can all turn on a sixpence at this age. Good luck!

You're being smug. I have a non-sleeper. She eats anything. All the people who were super-smug about their sleeping babies have kids that won't eat and are fussy. It isn't necessarily anything you do. Sometimes kids are themselves.