AIBU reagrding this funeral

[PizzaSlut]

DH hs received the news that a distant relative has not long to live. AFAIK he has only seen this person once in the 10 years we have been together and has asked to go to the funeral.

Ordinarily I would have no problem with it, but this is the bit where it becomes a sticking point, he has to take a days annual leave to attend. Not a problem in isolation but we have another 2 closer family members that are terminally ill and we will probably have to attend their funerals during this holiday year.

I also couldn't attend a funeral a couple of weeks ago for a similar relative of mine as he wouldn't take care of children as he was working.

AIBU in asking him not to go due to the annual leave situation

Pizza he doesn't have a choice in any of those things, you and the kids could stay on in the home and the courts would decide how much he'd pay not him. He's bullying you into staying by making you believe you won't be able to afford to go and won't cope as he won't help with the kids. His an Ass.

He is talking shite though.

And you are working, your "job" is looking after 3 children, him, and a house.. so unless he comes home and does all the housework, cooks everyones meals, does the shopping etc etc... who else does he think does it?

csa would tell him how much money to give you.

it sounds like you need to get some advice. you do not have to act on it but it would be there if you find that the situation becomes unbearable.

Thanks, I'm going to bed now. Try and get some sleep.

I might post this again in relationships tomorrow. Need to get some ideas of where to go next.

Information is never a bad thing. Find out what you might get, what your rights are and what it likely to happen. Then you have more idea of what you are making a decision about. I think the fact that he had said those things about what would happen if you left, means that things have to change.

I disagree with the earlier poster about relationships. Plenty of us have respectful, helpful, nice DHs. Not perfect by any means but fundamentally good. For example, DH took DD to the bookshop today (to give me a break) and got me a book I wanted. Little, respectful things. Very important.

Am I correct in saying that his change of attitude started when DC3 went to school FT so that means you are a SAHM without children?

I think the funeral is his bid to get some family-free time. He's noticing that you have lots of kid-free, relaxation time and he doesn't receive nearly the amount you do. Maybe he does realize that you are doing most of the housework but you could spread it over days because the children are at school allowing you more relaxation time.

I think you need to contact relate. His attitude sucks.

Assuming he is not working on the weekend. On Saturday morning get yourself ready to go. When he gets up, say "I am popping out for a bit" go and sit in cafe with a coffee and a book.

If he won't take the children out, take yourself out.

I think posting in relationships is a good idea.

Why didn't you take your children to your great-aunts funeral? Other family members would have been there to help out with them, wouldn't they?

Why are you staying in such a shit relationship with someone who has absolutely no respect for you?

Try to get a job. Thne you'll both be on an equal footing with regard to that, if not a financial one.

Though, tbh, I think you're better off without him altogether. He can't set the terms of the settlement; the judge will decide who gets the house or how the value is divided, and the CSA will tell him how much he has to pay towards the children. He won't get to choose, it's just posturing on his part. Ignore.

The OP has said it would be hard for her to get a job because the H works shifts.

If the kids are at school, though? But it was not an entirely serious suggestion...

You could get a job where you work near normal hours and the children could be in before/after school clubs.

That would put you on an equal footing work wise, but would tht also happen with the housework?

Somehow I doubt it.

As for you couldn't keep the house and he would only give you what he thought in maintainance...well, it does not work like that!! Get legal advice! Get proof of his income.