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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not wanting guests to use the downstairs loo?

43 replies

GrandmasRedCar · 22/07/2012 22:50

My SIL has recently moved to our area and visits a lot which is good news all round. My only bug bear is that she insists on using the downstairs loo and not the bathroom.

Our downstairs loo is in the utility room, through the garage. It's clutter central. The washing machine and sink are next to the toilet. As I only use it as a utility room I don't give the room the same housekeeping attention I give the bathroom. In other words, it's grubby, and is likely to stay that way. Should I keep it cleaner, yes probably, but with two small children and lots of laundry going through, I have other areas of the house to prioritise.

As a result, I never invite people to use that toilet, basically because I don't want them to use it. It's handy if I'm gardening to know it's nearby but I dont want visitors using it.

I know it's not a big deal, but I'm just interested. AIBU?

OP posts:
bogeyface · 22/07/2012 22:53

I thought they were called "guest cloakrooms/bathrooms" for a reason?!

Can you not take 2 minutes with a cloth whenever you put washing in or take it out to wipe something? Then, within a couple of days you should have a clean guest cloakroom, and you will be in the habit and keep it that way.

I clean my bathroom while the kids are in the bath. I struggled to find time to do it in one go, so now I do the sink while one is in, the loo while another is in, the floor while another is in etc and then clean the bath as I am emptying it!

liketochat1 · 22/07/2012 22:54

Have you told her you'd prefer her to use the bathroom and explained why? I think I'd just do that.

YouOldSlag · 22/07/2012 22:54

Just say "Oh don't use that one, I haven't cleaned it/it's broken/ there are boxes in the way, would you mind going upstairs?"

Having said that my downstairs loo is in the utility room and a bit scruffy but I prefer it to going up the stairs and using the bathroom, so YABU-ish.

NoGoodNamesLeft · 22/07/2012 22:54

My MIL has a downstairs toilet and an upstairs bathroom. Whichever one is the one she doesn't want people going in, she takes the lightbulb out and tells people they can't use it because the bulb has gone.

So, yes, you're not the only person to prefer people to use a certain bathroom.

WorraLiberty · 22/07/2012 22:54

Sorry I don't know why I burst out laughing at this Grin

Just 'whatever' really.

She's family and she obviously doesn't care so why do you?

bogeyface · 22/07/2012 22:54

I should say that i only have one loo but if I had an upstairs and and downstairs one then I would want guests to use the downstairs. I dont like people going upstairs as I see that as the private area, so if I would be very happy to have them use the downstairs loo! Maybe your SIL is the same so it is second nature to her?

FunnysInLaJardin · 22/07/2012 22:57

really? Do you honestly care what your relative thinks about your downstairs loo?

squeakytoy · 22/07/2012 22:57

I assume she knows you have an upstairs loo, so why not say

"sorry that loo is a bombsite, you are more than welcome to use the upstairs one"

then she has a choice.. if she still used the downstairs one, it is up to her..

bit of a non-issue really isnt it..:)

WorraLiberty · 22/07/2012 22:58

You could always stick a litter tray in the garage and train her to use that?

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 22/07/2012 22:59

NoGoodNames, I love your MIL just a liitle bit for not only saying the bulb is gone but actually taking it out!

Original poster
GrandmasRedCar · 22/07/2012 23:02

I know it's a bit silly. But when people see her doing it, there all "oh I didn't realise there was a loo downstairs, that's cool", and I'm thinking "NOOOO, not more downstairs loo converts".

And it really isn't a guest cloakroom/bathroom snort at all, it's a utility room with a loo in the corner. It has poo buckets for cloth wipes and nappies sat next to it and piles of dirty laundry and spiders and earwigs and stuff. No matter how much it aspires to be this, sadly it will never be.

LTC I've tried this, and she did the "oh don't worry, it's only me", and carries on.

OP posts:
nothingoldcanstay · 22/07/2012 23:02

Maybe she likes to use the loo in private. Perhaps the one in the garage has better soundproofing. I don't mind a grotty toilet compared to having people listen to me use the bathroom.

Accuracyrequired · 22/07/2012 23:04

downstairs loos bad
upstairs loos good

always and forever

WorraLiberty · 22/07/2012 23:05

Yes but it is "only her" and you should take that as a compliment really

She feels close enough to you to not give a shit...well obviously she gives a shit but at least she gets to choose in which loo....

nothingoldcanstay · 22/07/2012 23:07

Bollocks - upstairs loo can be overheard by everyone sat in their gardens both sides of us.
Downstairs two doors between loo and everyone else and nice loud fan.

olympickibucket · 22/07/2012 23:11

Frankly unless there are massive skidma rks and/or no bogroll I don'tcare and I don't imagine your SIL does either.

Original poster
GrandmasRedCar · 22/07/2012 23:14

No fan. Not even a handsink.

Ok I'm being a bit silly. I'm the domestic equivalent of a broken swan, in that while my legs are busy peddling below the surface I still look a bit wrong above the surface, if that makes sense. Always struggling to stay on top of things, never quite managing it. SIL's use of the utility room draws MIL's attention to our house's main grubby corner, and everyone else's for that matter which makes me die a bit inside every time it occurs.

Perhaps I'm just in that young kids twilight zone some people get into, that makes you feel like you're failing at everything. FFS, I just want people to see the one I could be bothered to clean ;-)

OP posts:
bogeyface · 22/07/2012 23:24

Now her going to the loo and not washing her hands would REALLY bother me, so for that reason alone, YANBU and I take back my former comments!

I actually hate shaking hands with people for work because of the number of people I have seen walking out of public/work loos without washing their hands, its disgusting.

bogeyface · 22/07/2012 23:25

Thinking about it, could you tell her its back up? Or cut off the water supply into it so you can tell her you have disconnected it? Its actually not a big job (fnaaaaar) to get rid of a toilet, might be worth considering?

bogeyface · 22/07/2012 23:25

backed up not back up!

Original poster
GrandmasRedCar · 22/07/2012 23:27

She could use the kitchen sink in there, you know, the utility kitchen sink (do I even know what I'm saying now?) but there's no soap or towels or anything in there. Detergents, bleach, dog biscuits, shoe polish etc and of course various aforementioned life forms.

OP posts:
Original poster
GrandmasRedCar · 22/07/2012 23:29

It's handy to have though, for the sake of poo slinging and emptying potties etc. And ease of access whilst gardening etc.

OP posts:
bogeyface · 22/07/2012 23:29

Sorry, you did say there was a sink, I must have airbrushed that out of my mental picture!

Still gopping to wash your hands after the loo with no soap, you're not actually washing anything away surely?

bogeyface · 22/07/2012 23:30

I would still tell her its been disconnected though, she wont know you are lying!

BackforGood · 22/07/2012 23:33

See, I wouldn't consider family, to be "guests" - they just use whatever toilet is most convenient, and take us as they find us - it's a compliment really, that she feels "at home" in your home.