Re baby, sleep disruption and dh

[tholeon]

baby seems to be going through a period of night and day confusion at moment, up every two hours or so, often settled quickly with a feed but last couple of days we have had pretty much no settling from 3.30 am onwards. Am shattered and v grumpy. Also have three year old so no day time napping. Was up on and off last night then pretty much continually from 3.30, at 5.30 dh came in to help and I asked him if he could take her away for a bit so could get some kip. He got cross and said no as he has a two hour drive today and also hadn't slept well, as had heard noise too though hadn't been the one dealing with it. Who is being u, me, him or just the baby??

For a start, babies are always unreasonable. It is in their nature. So your beby was being totally unreasonable to keep you both awake. However, this is not a case of 'you can show her this thread to prove you are right and she will change her ways in the future' so we have to discount baby

Neither of you are being unreasonable on the face of things. I would hate DH to do a drive if he was seriously tired as I would worry about his safety and that of others. Saying that, is it a necessary drive? Could the trip be delayed?

This is just the shitty part of parenting and, with a 3yo, you know it passes. Try not to get into a competative tiredness argument as everyone loses. Maybe you could ask him to set aside a few times during the week where he can take baby out so you can sleep? Even if it is in the evenings and you go to bed when your 3yo does, you could get a decent amount of sleep.

Look after yourself.

He should've have got cross with you for asking.

That said, who is unreasonable depends on why he was doing the drive and what you were doing with your day.

Generally speaking though, if I were you, I wouldn't want DP doing a long-ish drive having had very little sleep. It's not about functioning in your different roles and who deserves more sleep, it's that unless you were doing something similar, one of you could have fatal consequences from lack of sleep.

Sorry, shouldn't have got cross....

Thank you yes I know.. Baby being unreasonable was meant Tongue in cheek..

Had to do drive, were staying with friends on unavoidable trip and needed to get back.. I don't drive so may be underestimating well rested ness needed for driving. But just so tired beginning to feel ill! He gets hours of un interrupted sleep during week as goes to work while I am at home, v jealous of prospect tonight!

He shouldn't have offered if he didn't mean it! I think he could have done an hour at least, a two hour drive isn't that long. He is BU to expect you to do all the night waking and him do none.

if he was going to be up from 5.30 anyway, I'm not sure why it matters if he is in the house or walking round the block so you can get some sleep, but if he was intending to go back to bed then I can see where he is coming from. No-one wins in the tiredness Olympics, its just awful and everyone has a reason why they need the sleep more. Just try to be as patient as you can with each other and give as much as you can to the other.